European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 23, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss la its Judith Martin dear miss manners for a casual supper with three other couples who meet to play cards i baked an Apple pie. I had just started a diet program and did not intend to have any dessert myself. When i walked into the Kitchen and the hostess saw my pie she said Quot of you re not going to have any pie but its All right for the rest of us to eat it. Meaning we can gain weight but not  i was shocked at her Lack of graciousness and blurted out that she could throw the pie out instead of eating it. I might add that everyone ate some pie and complimented me greatly on How wonderful it was a including the hostess husband but not her. She never did say a thing. What would have been a better response to the callous remark gentle Render neither your hostess nor you distinguished yourselves in this encounter. Miss manners is Only glad that it ended without a food fight. Had you wanted to make the Point graciously you could have replied Quot i wanted to give you some pleasure even if i  share it. Surely you done to have my weight  dear miss manners is it acceptable to hang a portrait of oneself in rooms used for entertaining such As the living room or Den the trendy thing now seems to be to have a Large portrait done by a professional. However some people consider this to be in a bad taste. Gentle Reader oddly enough it is perfectly All right to have a portrait of oneself on display a provided one disparages it. The claim that ones spouse likes it or that one values it Only for the rendition of the children or dogs who act As supernumerary is in these ghastly productions is considered to mitigate the egomania of putting oneself on display. Miss manners is aware that the fact that such paintings or drawings Are acceptable in the parlor but that photographs Are not gives etiquette a bad name for inconsistency. It gets worse photographs and even trophies Are All right in the Den because that is supposed to be private space however much one May entertain there. Dear miss manners people often ask me if my hair fingernails or Eye color Are real. I can to imagine that people would consider this information any of their business. I am usually so shocked by the question and the Way it is asked that i respond without showing that in a upset. Id like to say something that would let the questioner know in a offended without making a big Deal out of it. In be considered Many responses but i done to want to say anything rude. Gentle Reader Isnit it amazing what questions Are being posed these Days miss manners was herself dumbfounded to be asked at a social event a is that your own skin a she did no to even understand the question. Supposing she actually wanted to Wear someone else a skin How would she go about it in the silence that followed the inquirer identified himself As being in the film business and went on to explain that apparently some ladies among his colleagues were in the habit of simulating a look that on miss manners represented nothing More glamorous than old fashioned parasol pallor. Miss manners stunned silence was not planned but she recommends that you duplicate it. This would probably involve nothing More than projecting the Shock you already feel. What after All can one say one cannot exactly go around cataloguing ones natural endowments. The Mere thought of where such questioning could Lead is enough to freeze any further conversation. So perhaps it is fortunate that a Bug eyed stare of disbelief a startled rather than indignant a with no comment at All is the most effective response. Dear miss manners i have been extremely shy All my life a so shy that not Only have i never dated in be never even kissed. In a 29 years old. In a passably Good looking and in a sure that by this time women will naturally assume in be had my share of practice. How do i Tell prospective kissers kisses that my initial clumsiness is due to inexperience or do i Tell them i wish i could practice for the big occasion but this Isnit the sort of thing they give classes in. What a your advice gentle Reader miss manners advises that you not a repeat not a apologize for any clumsiness you May exhibit to any ladies on whom you May bestow your affections. Any confusion you display on the occasion May be put Down to the overwhelming passion of the moment which is forgivable even endearing. But explanations at such a moment Are excessively unattractive a especially one that cites your Lack of practice As if the lady were an Archery target. Miss manners can reassure you that the venture is not that difficult. United feature  Pisces feb. 19-March 20 Stop fooling yourself. As the fog lifts you can see More clearly where you Are going. Aries March 21-april 19 let go of some aspect of your life that simply in t working. Taurus april 20-May 20 you realize now that Quot Home is where the heart  what a big mansion you have. Gemini May 21-june 20 Stop thinking about taking that class and do it. The time is right. Cancer june 21-july 22 come up with a solution for your recent Money problems. Others Are supportive. Leo july 23-aug. 22 your lesson is one of cooperation. You May have to give in a Little. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 behind the scenes activities and hidden agendas come to the forefront. Take a Good look. Libra sept 23-oct. 22 if you can get out and attend a lecture or Short seminar. You thirst for knowledge. Scorpio oct 23-nov. 21 your career family Axis is activated. Problems will arise in these areas that demand your attention. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 watch what you say and How you say it. Don t alienate others with your opinions. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 Money becomes a big Issue. Be careful not to deplete your savings. You need Security. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 relationships that have been pending finally come to a conclusion. Either Way you la know. Copley news service done to miss sewing but i sure miss the machine Derma Bombeck is i i miss my sewing machine. It used to be such fun spending afternoons poring Over pattern books and Yard goods. The family used to bring All the things it needed mended and put them in a Basket next to the machine and id Tell everyone id set aside an entire Day to fix them. What i did no to Tell them was that i did no to sew. Never did. I took a few classes in High school and Learned just enough to thread the machine and sew an apron and a headband but How Many Calls do you get for those i bought the sewing machine right after we were married because a woman is not legally married until she has a sewing machine. Men had their rite of passage too. The first saturday after the honeymoon they All went Down to the hardware store and bought a set of Drill bits. My husband still has them in their original Box. He does no to have a clue what to do with them. I at least had plans for the sewing machine. I was going to make potholders a Christmas tree skirt and eventually Winter Coats for the kids. It s All i Ever talked about. Id Tell my friends Quot in be got to get something to sew this Winter or ill go crazy a or Quot have you seen the new Spring fabrics they re to die  actually my sewing machine was the Siberia of my appliance Chain. I put it in our bedroom so i could Quot sew in  it held old newspapers hangers that multiplied during the night and clothes i was too Lazy to put in the hamper. Next Stop for the machine was the Kitchen so a it will be  there it supported stacks of school books mail and groceries before we put them away. It was even in the bathroom for a while but no one recognized it under All the wet towels and Robes. When the kids moved away from Home i put the sewing machine in one of their bedrooms and called it the sewing room. It had a Nice ring to it. I suppose i should feel guilty for the deception but phonies like me Are no worse than All the people who own pianos done to play a note and Tell everyone a i just play for my own  besides i got such respect when people thought i could sew. A sewing machine to me was an instrument of creativity membership in the Good Ole girls network. A place to drop off my groceries. I miss it. Universal press Syndicate it Kii Mim six people born feb. 29 1. Pope Paul Iii 2. Composer Gioacchino Rossini 3. Actor Joss Ackland 4. Movie director William Wellman 5. Baseball player Pepper Martin 6. Band Leader Jimmy Dorsey source world features Syndicate Page 8 a sunday february 23, 1992