European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 23, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Billions of ways to Buck up the budget deficit Dave Barry it is a proven fact that the average american does no to care about the Federal budget deficit. Sometimes on the Abc nightly news for fun Tom Brokaw will say a next the Federal budget  then  show a 15-minute videotape without sound of a dog eating Peanut Butler. They never get a single phone Call because the instant Tom says a budget deficit a the viewers grab their Remote controls and switch to Sleazy tabloid shows full of a a news about Roseanne Barr Arnold a husband s tattoos and the William Kennedy Smith sex change operation. Of course you re different. You re not an a average  you care about the issues right you liar. You re not even Reading this paragraph. You re saying to your spouse a they it says in the paper that William Kennedy Smith had a sex change operation a Well he did no to. I just said that to stimulate the sagging libel suit Industry and to make the Point that nobody cares about the deficit. This is Good. The deficit does no to matter. To understand Why lets compare the . Government to a typical american family headed by Quot John and Mary Smith a who have a combined annual income of $22,000. Lets say the Quot Smiths have drawn up a budget listing what they want to spend in the coming year for such items As food housing and court costs to have the quotation Marks legally removed from their names. Lets say this budget to tals $27,000. This Means the a a Smiths have an impending budget deficit of $5,000. So what is the Only logical thing for them to do you guessed it they should spend $30 million to build a moving sidewalk in Altoona a. That show Congress is handling it. With the Federal deficit running at several Hundred billion dollars per year Congress passed a transportation Bill that according to a report by Reed Karaim of Knight Ridder newspapers includes $30 million for a High tech moving sidewalk in Altoona which happens to be in the District of rep. Bud Shuster the ranking Republican on the surface transportation subcommittee. I done to know about you but As a taxpayer i am outraged to discover that in this Day and age Altoona residents Are still being forced to walk around on regular Low tech stationary sidewalks. In a thinking of maybe organizing a group of us to go there and carry Altoona is around on our backs until they get their new sidewalk. In a also thinking that maybe we should donate another $10 million or so to build them a High tech computerized spit launcher that will fire laser guided gobs onto the moving sidewalk so the Altoon ans wont have to do this manually. A what have i done today to help keep Bud Shuster in Congress a is a question we All need to ask ourselves More often. We also need to think about rep John Paul Ham me Schmidt who inserted a provision into the transportation Bill to have taxpayers pay for a get ready for a crying National need a erecting signs that will identify part of . 71 in Arkansas As the John Paul Hamma Schmidt Highway. You re saying to yourself a what All he gets named after himself is part of one Lousy Highway can to we do More to recognize rep. Hammer Schmidt yes we can. We can Start a nationwide movement to name things after him. Pets for example. A ooh no a we could say. A look what rep. John Paul Hammer Schmidt did on the Rug bad rep. John Paul Hammer Schmidt a or a Marge i think its High time we had rep. John Paul Hammer Schmidt  i done to mean to single out Bud and John Paul. The transportation Bill had Over $5 billion Worth of special local projects and favors attached to it Lamprey like by various congressperson. But this is Good because these projects will create jobs. See when the government spends Money it creates jobs whereas when the Money is left in the hands of taxpayers god Only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs. That a Why president George a a Samurai Bush flew All the Way to rules Texas a round trip of 2,600 Miles at taxpayers expense so he could be seen on to signing the transportation Bill at a Highway construction site. A jobs jobs jobs a he said in a quotation that will probably win the award for Best articulated reason for signing a big fat Lar bucket of a transportation Bill narrowly edging out a woo a woo a  eventually Down the federally financed Road All this Money will have to be repaid with interest by somebody. Our kids in fact. Should we worry about this Are we placing an unfair Burden on them nah. Maybe  be poor but anytime they want  be Able to Hitchhike to Altoona and ride the sidewalk. The Lucky Little Hamme schmidts. Tho Miami Herald  military life in Europe �artt<5fct3s6t ten t worry i add View t to Alf a a Fly aft Wowe. To Vace ave Ilaw Fuertis pfc. Military offa was Little a a Etas 1 Iru id lie in. 11.i\ 4� i  re tank a no Pezim r a. 1  Apo a lets you ride in not so full . Postal mailbag to your Ikui destination. Elx. Done to miss the army s space available travel a tank a ride to your Nel destination in the Comfort and Complete Security of an m1a1 or m60 tank. Note not responsible for Luggage in War zones 4 just write Quot maps Quot on your forehead and trip Al the Apo a  win let its Gay travel by hot Aik 15 bureaucrat a on two fight or air bail Fla  fowl up by a Seiv Irak #f<2 a 6o�f�bna�kr bor6> cows j "irferr0 2 Tbs offic amp by to moot it a a pc Idle 4. Let c with bureaucrat a you travel space available on the hot air generated by government bureaucrats Page 24 a sunday february 23, 1992