European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 3, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                By our Guus piling up jokes no matter How painful they Are if school were All serious with each student and educator diligently hacking away at the past present and future without a break teachers would go completely nuts. As it is most of them Are Only half nuts or half sane the ultimate perception depending on whether you re an Optimist or Pessimist an administrator or student. Believe it or not what keeps teachers half of anything is that the profession can sometimes be fun. Every so often it is even possible to get a real belly laugh out of it a and As we All know life without laughter is something like a neurotic nazi with piles imagine going through life As a dedicated sourpuss like Adolf Hitler. Just before world War ii erupted Henry Miller in a letter to fellow author Lawrence Durrell said this about him a someone has got to make this Man laugh or we re All lost.�?T�?T. How right Miller was. The Only time anybody every saw Hitler make a facial gesture even faintly resembling a smile was outside the famous railway car near the Forest of Compi amp one where French diplomats had just signed documents of surrender. This left Adolf the undisputed master of Europe. He really got a kick out of that and As the War proceeded so did a few million others. Except for the fact that they both started off their careers As transient sem derelicts Henry Miller was opening laugh Steiner Usa copy Lyhl a 1992 cartoonists amp writers Syndicate not at All like Hitler. Miller was an admitted pacifist Chicken who hated wars or anything else that smacked of regimentation and risking ones life for obscure or supposedly Noble causes. The Only similarity Miller had to Hitler was that he also had piles but at least Miller Learned How to laugh about them instead of venting his anger by bringing Over 20 million europeans into Hac Fleisch. As you can see piles especially inflamed ones can make humourless people do terrible things. Some kids we have in class Are like piles they re a real pain in the Rump. But a teacher who wants to remain Happy will learn to tolerate them a and sometimes even to get a Good laugh out of the situation. Throughout the years in a gotten hundreds of such laughs which have kept me rolling in the aisles and have also kept me away from aggressively rolling into Czechoslovakia and Poland except As a tourist in a Toyota. One of the Best laughs i got was one students written definition of an egyptian Mummy. He said a Mummy was a a body raped in  this pre women a lib necrophilia image has stuck with me for Over 20 years and still gives me nightmares. But i also get an occasional laugh out of it and i think Henry Miller would too. In a not so sure about Hitler. He might just Roll his eyes and growl a this sounds stupid. I can see raping Europe but How can you rape a Mummy a then it would get tedious because you a have to demonstrate How but he still might not understand and All you a get for your troubles would be a Case of allergic sneezing and flakes of dust on your underwear. There Are other funny things i could Tell you about my years As a teacher such As the time i blew apart the front of the science classroom attempting to do a distillation Experiment that ended up coating everything in sight with mud and red Ink including 30 students who had come up to get a closer look. Or the time i was asked by the principal to act As extracurricular boy scout master even after i had told him i did no to know How to tie one blessed knot and in fact hated scouting and the whole conformist Proto militaristic concept. He rebutted this plea by telling me it was my duty which i translated As a no one else wants to do it you re in  shortly after being forced to assume command i succeeded in getting the whole troop of snivelling runts lost in a Mosquito infested swamp which finally got me off the Hook and got half the kids chronic cases of malaria while the other half came out of the muck suffering from lesser maladies such As Trench foot Trench Mouth or whatever else one picks up in a swamp hungry leeches included. At least no one in the troop ended up with piles. And even though their parents hated me a Large number of these insect damaged descendants of lord Baden Powell thought it had been the greatest adventure of their lives and even More of them had a Good laugh about it which included less than a half dozen spoilsport wimps who insisted on a two week recuperative stay in the Hospital. So if we can keep the schoolhouse ambience Light and merry maybe there a Hope for american educators and education. My personal wish would be to be Able to continue chuckling in class through the next few years at least until its time for me to retire. At that Point i might enter into a per menant state of jocular hysteria. Speaking of retirement i certainly done to want to end up like Hitler getting married hastily in a Stuffy underground Bunker and dying shortly after the ceremony. I already went through that a number of years ago. Once is enough. That a not the kind of retirement i envision. Id rather end up like Henry Miller playing puerile freudian literary games with Playboy Centrefold Brenda Venus and peacefully nodding out to eternity in my sleep a with a contented smile on my lips. Once on the other Side i might even be Able to investigate the question freudian and Hamlet lovers have been toying with for Over half a Century which is is one allowed to sleep with a Mummy just kidding. Done to get yourself All worked up. Especially if you have piles. Simon Silverstein is a teacher at Augsburg High school in Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany Ltd i \ i s from the cover .4-6 the bbl services the world. Sidelights.7-9 the birth of Memphis Black radio. Andy Rooney celebrates stripes 50th. Odds amp ends .10 Erma Bombeck opens a new sex Case. In tune.11 Jay Leno ready to take Over Quot the tonight show. A this weeks films.12-13 Chuck Emch Quot straight talk Quot a Dolly show. Cafes circuit listings. Television listings 14-16 local Cable and satellite schedules. Home entertainment 17 Quot Little Man Tate a a Sharp video. On Parade .18 Robby Benson s beast of voices. Voices .21 Joe Bob Briggs has a message for Sam Kinison. Words and wit.24 William Safire on the titles. Books.25 with a for love alone Quot Ivana probably was t. Comedy acts.26-27 from Lenny Bruce to George Carlin. Last laugh .28 Dave ram doll no belly full of laughs. A Jim Darham Bill Mauldin and Andy Rooney amid the stars and stripes 50th birthday party. Page 9. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Peter Jaeger production Susie Stonum editorial assistance Marian Hamilton Louis Pierce Page 2 a sunday May 3, 1992