European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 3, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Words and wit among titles better to have not the there the language maven William Safire is about to take a stand in the controversy Over bogus titling. Why does the previous sentence begin with the word the because if it started with the words language maven that would be construed As a title and the style arbiters of the Best publications have Long said its bad form to throw false titles around. But if i had dared to write language maven William Safire without the the would i have been trying to give myself airs of course not if i wanted to assume a title id have tried lord Safire which sounds grander than anything we have in the language Dodge. The purpose of the noun phrase used attributive by before the name is not to Confer rank but to help the Reader recognize the subject. The controversy centers on this should the identification of the subject be placed after the name to be in gentle apposition or before the name to be fused tightly to it apposition uses two nouns in succession to refer to the same thing. George Bush the president is an example the second noun repeats the meaning of the first. However when you adopt the Loyal apposition you seem to be saying something else As Well a not George Bush the haberdasher Down the Street who objects to being confused with the famous George  with a famous person the repetition in apposition is unnecessary. Just to avoid the problem of bogus titling style books create the problem of conferring too much renown. The can be a powerful isolator especially in print where no emphasis in pronunciation is shown Safire the language maven suggests that i am the one and Only language maven and the legions of the gotcha gang Are ready to Hoot at that thought. On the other hand a is a relentless equalizer 5a.re, a language maven is a put Down suggesting that i am an Anonymous Crank and nobody at All knows my attempts to free Mankind from the clutches of obsolete style books. When the is too singular and a or an is too general you be run out of articles the vocabulary bin is empty. What to do our resilient language scrambles around for a Way out and As always the Lingo will prevail. The answer of usage take that Appositive identifier following the name and stick it up front without any article at All. Voila language maven Safire. Neither a big shot nor a Pipsqueak just right. Because this encapsulation of reputation was pioneered by journalists my fellow grammarians have sniffed at it As a Journ Aleser a a sorry Trade of i elegance for the Sake of compression. But we Are not merely saving three spaces on a tight line or in Garrick Utley Scase of a the beating of Motorist Rodney King a a whole second consider the differentiation value of the front end identifier in the Case of three people. James Jones wrote from Here to eternity a title taken from the Whiffen poof song. Another James Jones known better As Jim led a cult to mass suicide. And James Earl Jones is the actor who was the voice of Darth Vader and who announces the station George Bush does no to have to fish for identification. Breaks of can. Not Only does the author James Jones sound stilted but that restrictiveness May also make him seem like the Only author. James Jones a cult Leader suggests that the Reader has already forgotten who he was. James Earl Jones an actor or the actor slights his genuine renown. How much clearer and less judgmental Are author James Jones cult Leader James Jones actor James Earl Jones. Henceforth on first mention full frontal identification will be my style. In deference to traditionalists now staring decisively at me i will eschew cliche bogus titles like consumer advocate Ralph Nader and will refrain from capitalizing the attributive noun phrase thus making it seem less like an official title. When it does not appear that Way in the paper and you see instead the language maven Safire it is Only because i do not own the paper. Be patient the style books will come around. The new York limes a birthday party Tor the son is no cakewalk Tony Kornheiser a year ago i wrote of my songs fifth birthday party and How a despite All the preparations i had made for an orderly intellectually challenging party with a Well orchestrated Supply of Board games a the boys had reverted to their natural state which is to say feral brutes whose idea of a swell time was to attempt to gouge each others eyes out with a stick. This year because he was one year older one year More civilized one year closer to becoming a polite sensitive Man i had grander Hopes for his party. The party would reflect his new gentility. As a symbolic gesture i went out to buy a Tablecloth. A a in a having a party for 6-year-Olds. There will be 15 of them Quot i told the Saleswoman at the party store. A can you recommend a Tablecloth a Quot red a she suggested. A the blood stains wont  As the boys arrived i sent them Down to the basement. When i followed them Down i saw they had quickly made themselves at Home a if their Home was Beirut. Some were using the sleep sofa As a trampoline. Some were playing hide and seek inside the dryer. One announced he was building a a Gamma death Ray Hydrogen  i was concerned about him the rest were climbing the Walls literally. Id been warned to pay particular attention to Martin and Gil. A do not take your eyes off Martin and Gil a i was told. A they will wreck your House. They can strip a  so i was keeping my eyes on Martin and Gil. When Brian crashed through the window. Luckily it was a warm Day the window was up so he went through the screen not the Glass. A my god a i shouted As i ran to him. A did you see that dad a my son asked. A was no to Brian totally awesome a the kids gathered around Brian and Sang a Odoo Doo Doo Doo Bat Man a at this Point i went upstairs to answer the door a it was the scientist who agreed to entertain the kids by making slime out of household chemicals a when i heard my son Call out urgently a i need ice dad a a no drinks in the  a a it a not for drinks. Its for Jerome a Eye. Stuart hit him with the big Box of laundry detergent. By  parents know its always a by  when you come Home and find the goldfish dead on the Kitchen floor its a by  i once saw my daughter strangling my son and Wasny to the slightest bit surprised to learn this was a by  id left them alone for less than one minute a and gotten off easy. The other Day my Friend Gene got a Call from the principal in his songs school telling him to take 7-year-old Danny to the doctor to Patch up his Eye. Danny a teacher made the mistake of inadvertently leaving four second Grade boys alone in a study group unsupervised for three minutes while she took a phone Call. If they were girls they a have sat quietly and Sui Cucu a qum our Wuhu peace. _ was hastily locate the Only life threatening object in the room a wooden dowels about two feet Long. The boys quickly organized themselves into an Impromptu game of death javelin the three larger boys lining up on one Side of the room and flinging the dowels at the smallest boy a genes son Danny. Danny a assignment was to hold a jacket up in front of his face and Ward off the death javelin. Sadly Danny a reach Wasny to quite High enough. The death javelin came hurtling Over the top and bonked him in the Eye. After the doctor Gene adopted a grave tone like Ward Cleaver and formally inquired of Danny a what have you Learned from All this son a speaking As a True boy Danny replied a i should be been  my songs party provided no such Epiphany. After leading them in a primal scream a much to the Chagrin of the moms upstairs a i brought them outside where the scientist instructed them in the Manly Art of making slime which they smeared All Over themselves and each other. Its guaranteed non toxic because every scientist knows that a child a first question after he puts something in his Mouth is a can you eat this a when it came time to Wash off the slime i motioned them to the Garden Hose and just for laughs i hosed them Down i was a boy once. And they loved it. They came running Over screaming to be soaked. I checked for moms and found the coast was Clear so i soaked them All then led them in another primal scream. A neighbor told me he Hadnot heard anything like it since an Iron Butterfly concert then i took them inside and fed them a gooey cake with ice Cream and hot fudge. It was t until late that night when i was cleaning up that i realized the Only thing in the room that was t smeared with fudge the Only articles that were still in the same Pristine condition As when the table was set hours before were the napkins. Creators Syndicate Page 24 a sunday May 3, 1992