European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 29, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Here a a taking on satires a Good advice James j. Kilpatrick tie writer s Arl William satire that Monarch of a it is has produced two new books. Always scribble scribble scribble he or. Safirt one of hem the first dissident draws on the Book of Job Tor a study of today a politics. I have put it aside for a thoughtful hour this Winter. 1 he other Book is Good advice on writing Simon amp schuster. Compiled with his brother Leonard their compendium has a Little something of Job in it too. It is a Book of quotable advice from writers about writing which is to say that it is a Hook about Many a struggle for divine favor. Old Job had a hard time of it. So docs the serious writer. I he industrious Brothers have compiled i lie in analects from the comments of 468 writers. The Range is from Tacitus to Erica Jong. Modestly Safirt quotes himself Only nine times which is really an excess of modesty. Through his Quot on language a column that often appears in this space Bill has Hail Many sensible things to say about the writing Arl. Except when he defends the threshold Hie advice is generally sound. Yet he got me off to a Grumpy Mart. In his preface he propounds the weary Maxim that Good writers write primarily to please themselves this is nonsense. Hokum rubbish. If we do not write to please our readers a or to inform hem entertain them outrage them a we Are literary tray painters. We Are like Narcissus at the Pool gazing aptly at his own image. He fell in and died. Safirt urges us not to fall for inc notion that a the writer should determine his audience adopt a style and tone to fit it and then make the such pedantry he says is for hand wringing Hacks. Writers Quot arc not in the business of the Good writer thinks Only of an audience of no. 1. What piffle Safire is not alone in this Garret to Hemia ism. William Zinsser another fellow who is generally sound serves up the same baloney Quot you Are writing i or \ even the great . White a Law a laments of style is a Bible for writers fell into he Amie goo. A the whole duly of a writer is to please and Attis by himself a said White. Quot the True writer w no always play to an audience of if so. This True writer will play to an empty House. There May he some diarists who write Only to satisfy tic Sebes. But i doubt it. To read the diaries and personal correspondence of most writers is to hear a revisionist Eraser scratching. Or Pepys the most eminent of All diary writers wrote in a shorthand code hut he polished his sentences in the certain knowledge that one Day the code would be broken. W by do w e write we write to be read. That s All. We want to be read we love to be read we hunger to lie read if we make a living at he Craft so much the better but the vital goal is to be read. Toward that end we employ All the devices discussed in the Safire collection. We feel for a common vocabulary. We make judgments on the taste and sophistication and knowledge of our readers. Will an allusion to Narcissus be grasped May i borrow the Duke of Gloucester a famous remark to Edward Gibbon the satires collection of a Good advice Quot is an excellent present for the Young writer but veterans May profit from it also. Out of the Robean struggles of 65 years i can Tell you that writers need All the Good advice they can get Universal press Syndicate it s sad to see Quay i e go a if we can find him Tony Kohnic Irisco where s Dan of Uyle seriously where is the Guy 1 Lin and Waldo honk if you be seen Dan. L or Lour years he was in the papers every Day. Hundreds of reporters would follow him around hoping to catch one of his pearls of Wisdom a like the Lime he arrived in Pago Pago and called it Quot logo logo Quot an Island discovered by inc famous explorer Wall Kelly and now what my Friend prank suggests a maybe Quayle a head is being preserved in Switzerland by the National scan ily Twenty four Houis after 1 Lection Day the Guy disappears olt the of the Earth. In the last four weeks More people have spotted Elvis than Dan Gayle. T i Here was a Union fumed sighting of Quayle at a Howing of the Spike i be film x arguing pleasantly to tire a Patron about the spelling of x s lot name t a k in it to to her e i he other big t in is Are. Icon be hush went lolling i Lii Uon went to Dunkin donuts Anil Mcdun--1, s a he is of and Bagel nosh and i h r a a be v. I us was lot seen with an open Cheek i of k at an Hiou Eari eat Lih try at Howard John Oil s Al t i a e w As w ii h Linton. Ai ii e is alway s w u h it Hnton. \ set get the Teeling that if Clinton slopped shot Riore would slam into his backside like \5 re 1. T Osoth Hittig the eau on Wall i hex i he pulling splinters out for weeks. Have you Ever seen anyone More wooden than Gore lie takes his annual medical checkups at the National forestry service. In a past life he was Louis Xiv s favorite chair we be even seen the big Guys together Bush and Clinton spent two hours at the White House the other Day. Two hours. Afterwards Here a what they said about Liat they said Bush said nothing zip. Issued a statement. Which of no verbs. Quot warm and it said. Wain and informative. Sons the Aln Mac in your toaster Clinton said Quot he gave me a lot of into what where to plug in the portable pro daddy a a a a come on. These men Hale each other. Bush called Clinton a Bozo. He probably sat there thinking whereas the Seltzer bottle How did 1 lose to this Guy my smart Friend Martha wonders. Quot How come its such a secret what really went on in there ? did they play twister Quot Clinton spent two hours in there you have to figure he was pretty nervous this being his first time in the White House. What i want to know is did he use the bathroom and did he steal any of those Little soaps. Anyway we know where the other big Guys arc. We even know where the big gals Are. Barb a hugging Hillary on the South Pawn and Tipper s on the Road with 2 live Crew. Whereas Dan is he. ,. A assuring our Western allies that our Arsenal is secure and inviolate h working assiduously with the transition to facilitate an orderly and dignified Transfer of Potter a c try ing to eat soup with a knife ? Yve done to know. The vice president of the a nixed states seems to be missing. Arid no one seems o have noticed. I care. Truly 1 do. I can to believe How a Mackh Quayle seems to have come and gone take a of Imes. A i m going to miss him. Pm going to Mihi Lam. Dues. 1 too deplore Murphy him a him wrote i a tier to Bob Roberts to that effect t pm going to miss Quayle a adoring mile inc name Quot George Bush Quot was mentioned rom pm bet him m new Orleans gazing up to b 7 Brandon Dewilde did m i m going to miss that Vul ird laugh of a Tell it goodbye. A amps Dave Didio we saw at die debate with Gore. You know that machine gun laugh that came out at the strangest times a Lloil Letl a a a to. I.,. La. I a a m. A. T it my my Hwy though Gore had been speaking in greek and Quayle had to wait for a simultaneous translation Over headphones. It s hard to believe Dan Quayle a gone. Quot he a no gone a my Friend Gino says. Quot he a just not Here Quot not that he left heavy footprints in the Sands of time. Mio Cuomo once said of Quayle Quot he s so tight lie could tap dance on a Charlotte j in mid Quayle is keeping to his schedule. He a Quot in Mere making speeches shaking hands going to mails being the vice president. But nobody a paying a Union ies just like an Ordinary person now. Nobody pays attention to the rest of us either. I hush certainly did to if Quayle utters one of his is at one liners like when John Sununu got the old a a it to and Quayle said Quot this Isnit a Man who is Wax my w Ith his head Between his legs Quot Well who a m my to hear it Quot y it in i or later he ii surface to hand Over the keys a a v a a a a p est Jemy a House to Al Quot Ozone Man Quot a pm i an image what say to each other 1 j i1 i a c my your Hook Al. A d d Sou read it 1 e"1 e you a Riek question Ujj a Quot a >vhnf4 Man. And he a cute As a but v1�?T he gets work. Quot 1 a a a n n i ti1 h i a ones j. In
