European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 29, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The latest in army food meats ready to eject ave Barry today at he Institute of military food concepts we present the results of our taste test of a new Sandwich developed by is. Army food engineers for internal use by troops. This Sandwich was brought to our attention by retired army set. Maj. Willard Clark who sent in a newspaper article reporting that the army is developing a new Sandwich representing a a a breakthrough in the state of the Art technology for intermediate moisture  the article quotes the army As stating that this Sandwich features a shelf stable fermented meals Quot mixed into Quot a synergistic anti oxi Donl system Quot uttering Quot greatly enhanced lipid  these a precisely the Tond qualities that knowledgeable i unum Speurs look Lor when they Dine in the Jii lest i Wjk h u  ants. A >1 cd i let , is the lipid stability of your Lermer a meats enhanced by a synergistic unlink ii or a Ami my. Wa1 it i ? \ Inis t is darned touting Quot Bui of full Lam 1&Quot so we  the Aimy food engineering directorate Ami a ked in we could have one of lie new sandwiches he testing purposes. We were told this would ice uric higher level approval. The military  att Iii to have a state of the Art assault Sandwich tailing into the i Rong lands. We Don t know How to up the Chain of command Oil i a quasi Wint to it old be a trick or. Presi Dent a. But evidently we checked out of because several months later the army sent us a dark Olinc Grcen sealed foil package labelled shelf stable Sandwich flavor Peppercorn. Accompanying the package was an information paper from the army a advanced food Branch. Security Alert the following sentence reveals details from the information paper concerning the design of the shelf stable Sandwich. We arc asking foreign espionage agents to skip Over in. Thank you the information paper slates that in the construction of the Sandwich meals Are a formed into cylinders and arc encapsulated in the bread to give the appearance of a a torpedo Roll with a meat  foreign espionage agents May resume Reading Here our official taste test panel consisted of ourself our wife Beth our son Robert and our primary and auxiliary dogs Earnest and Zippy. We unwrapped the shelf stable Sandwich w hich looks sort of like a flattened hot dog with the meat totally enclosed in the bread. We each took a bite. A they a said Robert. A a it a a slim Jim a of course this is not True. It is a High tech inter mediate moisture eat out of hand food component with enhanced lipid stability and an edible protein film Barrier to prevent Oil migration. It Only tastes like a slim Jim. But this is major improvement Over the army s current Standard for combat food which is a meals ready to eat Quot or Are. For purposes of comparison our panel also taste tested an Are which was mailed to us a year ago by Alert readers Gregg and Chris Schauermann who undoubtedly obtained it in a totally legitimate manner. The Are is a Triumph of food techno Luhv meeting or exceeding every significant nutritional logistical hygienic and longevity Standard. Its Only draw Back is that nobody wants to eat it. Military anal Vas believe that a major reason Why the allies won the Gulf was so quickly is that . Troops wanted to Stop being fed what appeared to he miss Abele construction materials. The humans on our panel thought the Stew tasted every bit As Good As it looked. The dogs loved it l Uii they have been known to eat pizza Deji Verv boxes. Another Are packet was labelled  it s Dit Lieut Tor us to imagine How. Without the use of rare titanium allows the army was Able to manufacture a Cracker this hard. Tiber mrs packets included a Quot cd h Rry net cake that was As dense As linoleum but not As tasty and a Quot fruit mix that you could a heat dry or reconstitute in  we tried it both ways. Dry it was like chewing an odor eater so we recommend reconstituting it in water which causes it to completely dissolve thus enabling you to pour it Down a Drain. F or the record the dogs loved All of these items As Well As the foil packets. Our conclusion is that the new army Sandwich definitely lasted better than the Are. So dues ceiling tile. But still it s a stride Forward and we wish the army Well with it and Many other military food concepts in the future. All we ask a and we say this As patriots As Well As human beings a is that these concepts no t include Beer. A the Miami he . Military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman the comic strip Beetle Bailey will Hove to introduce o new Gay Soldier character homosexuals in the military a How things will change with homosexuals in the military a sunday november 29. 1992