European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 6, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss m wars Judith Martin dear miss manners when a gentleman has first lost a loved one and then gained a Bride both unexpectedly and both since one met him does one offer sympathy or congratulations when one next sees him gentle Reader is the Bride standing right there did the departed loved one stand in a relationship to the gentleman such that if the death had not occurred no new Bride could be standing there miss manners does no to have much doubt about the circumstances you Are recounting. But on the off Chance that you Are talking about a gentleman who lost his favorite aunt shortly before his wedding you would first offer him your sympathy and then suddenly brighten and say a Why this must be your wife a and offer him congratulations. However there is no polite Way of saying either a a in a terribly sorry you lost your wife but in a glad you found another or a How wonderful you have a new wife a too bad you lost the old  a widower who has remarried is congratulated on that marriage. Only after that has been done and when you Are speaking to him in private should you say a few words of appreciation about his late wife. This should be expressed in a sympathetic tone but without dwelling on How much you feel for him. However much he May actually still feel the loss a emotional life can be immensely complicated a he has taken a step to console himself which Marks the end of bereavement. Dear miss manners a Friend and colleague has confided that she has been repeatedly shocked and embarrassed by comments made to her by a professor at the University where we teach. Apparently the professor believes that by commenting suggestively on my friends physical attributes he is paying her compliments. It is even evident that he imagines he is treating her As an equal by sharing his locker room thoughts in what he thinks is a lighthearted manner. Needless to say she finds his behaviour less than amusing. Gentlemen colleagues have been sympathetic and they too have been embarrassed by this Many a treatment of my Friend but no one has hit upon an effective Way to Correct the situation. The lady has not dignified this Many a remarks with a reply More because of her Shock than because of her Reserve. None of us wishes to Hurt the offender who incredible As it May seem in Light of publicized recent events in Washington and of the steady Advance of women in the business world appears to be acting out of real ignorance and insensitivity rather than with malice or even conscious disrespect. All of us would like to Foster and preserve a pleasant working environment. Is there a Way for the ladies and gentlemen in our department to put a Stop to this offensive behaviour without being unkind offensive and uncivilized themselves?.____ gentle Reader miss manners had to Check the postmark on your envelope to make sure an antique letter Hadnot slipped into her current file. If there is a University left in America that has not made a massive Effort to educate its employees about sexual harassment a then you should get yourself Over to the administration this very minute to find out Why not. Miss manners herself has been trying for decades to expose the flaw in the argument that a lady armed Only with the gentle example of etiquette can exercise control Over someone who is determined to be impervious to the feelings of others. Long before what you Call a recent events a miss manners warned that someone who presses unwelcome attentions cannot be controlled by etiquette because he is choosing to operate outside the Domain of etiquette. Now this behaviour which has always been rude is also illegal. It is True that etiquette kindly makes allowances for ignorance and tries to find delicate ways to discourage people from offensive behaviour that they actually intend and believe to be charming. But this should never be interpreted to mean that offenders have no responsibility for observing the reactions they provoke and changing their behaviour accordingly. Still less does it mean that their targets have the responsible try of delicately retraining them. The Only thing that should Stop your Friend from filing charges against the offender is a genuine belief that he fails to understand either that his attentions Are unpleasant or that romantic attentions of any kind Are unprofessional behaviour. Never mind the fact that he will protest that he never intended it As such. If you believe that this is a Case that May be settled by etiquette then you May graciously assure him that you Are sure he did no to mean it. The test of that will be whether he stops doing it. United feature syndic Teik r s in is Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 update your communication system. Shop for a new answering machine. Answer letters and return phone Calls. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 expect an increase in your personal income. Seek and the Money will come. Request a raise. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 this is an especially Lucky period. Stick to activities that Are pleasurable. Indulge yourself. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 make room for learning new things. Expand with opportunities to grow mentally. Go Back to school. Aries March 21-april 19 seek a More detached approach in relating. Rise above analysis and enjoy the moment. Taurus april 20-May 20 your Circle of friends expands to include a diverse group. Bring them together in Celebration. A gemini May 21-june 20 actions speak louder than words. Communicate your Good feelings by doing positive  june 21-july 22 you be reached a turning Point in a relationship. Either go Forward or hit the Road. Leo july 23-aug. 22 you la find great pleasure with harmonious company. Dismiss those who insist on rocking the boat. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 changing your mind often shows a certain amount of confusion. Settle Down and decide your course. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 take on a role of leadership. Youthful individuals look up to you for guidance. Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 your interests Are entered in the Home. Work on improvement projects like painting or redecorating. Copley news service these skirts Are on the Rise and come with options Erma Bombeck a Short skirt i ordered through a Catalon arrived the other Day and to my Surprise it had slits around the hem every 10 inches or so. When the Model wore it she looked elegant. But then she was standing still. When i put it on and walked across the floor i could have added two Tablespoons of detergent and washed a 1980 Buick. I Felt drafts in places i never knew were exposed before and sitting Down was like trying to wrap myself in a tattered Flag that had flown Over a War zone. The new Short skirts Are not Only capable of bringing dead men Back to life. They Are also changing the Way american women live work and play. If the trend holds i think we re going to see interesting new accessories. Heated chairs and underwear will make an appearance for women who want the option of being Able to sit. Hand extenders will attach to the wrists of a woman wearing a Short skirt who drops something and is not Able to lean Over and pick it up without getting arrested. Look for stomach cloths. Every woman in an abbreviated tight skirt will carry one of these in her handbag so that whenever she feels the need to let her stomach hang out and breathe she can tie this around her Waist. A folding piece of cardboard will serve As a knee screen when a woman is on a talk show or is seated at a banquet table that Isnit draped. There will be blinds for car windows that can be pulled Down when a truck pulls alongside a woman with her skirt up to her Waist. People who read trends into skirt lengths say they reflect the state of the Economy. In the Good times Happy Days Are Here again eras skirts Are very Short. In the bad times brother can you spare a dime years skirts swirl around the Ankles. I watched a talk show hostess Cross her legs the other Day and in a Here to Tell you the Economy has never been this Good even under Alexander Hamilton the Secretary of the Treasury who actually balanced the budget. My husband said a maybe she a just trying to cheer us  she cheered one of us up. Universal press Syndicate movie bombs of 1990 1. Havana a lost $35 million 2. Air America a lost $25 million 3. Mountains of the Moon a lost $23.3 million 4. The two Jakes lost $20 million 5. Stanley amp Iris a lost $20 million 6. Tex Asville a lost $18.5 million 7. Gremlins ii a lost $17 million 8. The desperate hours a lost $16.6 million 9. Bonfire of the vanities a lost $15 million 10. Loose cannons a lost $14 million Baseline ii inc. Report Page 10 a sunday december 6, 1992