European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 10, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Answers for the us we James j. Kilpatrick the writers Art n ancient Story tells us of the Chicken Farmer who heard a disturbance one night in his Hen House. Quot who s there Quot he cried. A nobody Here but us Chick ens a came the response. Forget the chickens charge the wretch with bad pronouns it would have spoiled the Story but the fellow should have said Quot nobody Here but we Chick a a a Ai sent Aileen Lorberg a handful of Wco a and uses and sought her authoritative opinion. She writes the Best language column in the country and does it for a Small newspaper in Cape Girardeau to. At 82,words amp wit. I. A a she has forgotten More about grammar of us will Ever learn \ a jewelry store a Tor she who i yes Fine nope. Lorberg explains the pronoun a a she is the object of the preposition a for a so the phrase Shoutd read Quot for her who loves Fine Crys the clause a who loves Fine Crystal Quot is in apposition to a her Quot and is construed in the objective Case. This was from an editorial a since the Agency seems to operate As if it has absolute Power it needs to be accountable to we the nope again. It should have read a to be accountable to us the columnist Lewis Grizzard wrote Quot Jim and Tammy Faye both talked about we Demon spirits a lot a same objection same explanation. Quot us Demon spirits Quot from a feature Story in the Omaha world Herald a but for mom and we four Small children the Bridge was the Only Way out of the watery Nightmare. Mom encouraged we Small girls to continue our Tir chg walk a no and again no. Properly the sentence should have referred to a mom and us Small children a because a mom and us provides an object to the preposition in an alternative parsing Lor Berg says the Quot us could be regarded asap Nonomi Nal adjective modifying children. Got that i accept Aitken Lorbergs advice without Riser vation but i voice a plaintive note of behalf of Alt of us writers who occasionally Grope for the proper pronoun. In some of these horrid examples the sen Fence does t sound right either Way. A for she who loves Fine Crystal a sounds wrong and so does a for her who loves Fine maybe the and writer could Jive addressed the and to a the woman who loves Fine Crystal a but that might have offended Theta who love Fine Crystal too. How about a Tor everyone who loves Sterling Silver a. Several readers have expressed doubt about the use of a May Quot and there a not much differ ence a Only the same difference one finds in Quot night and Day a or a right and left Quot or a up and the auxiliary verbs carry wholly different meanings observe a she might have gone to Wellesley Quot and she May have gone to Wellesley Quot the first. Conveys a sense of condition she might have gone to Wellesley a but she afford the tuition. He might have gone to Princeton a if his High school grades weren to so Lousy. He might have been killed in the Accident a but the airbag saved him. The a a May conveys uncertainty. We simply Don t know. She May have gone to Wellesley but maybe it was Vassar. He May have gone to Princeton but per haps it was Dartmouth. He May have been killed in the Accident we re waiting on a Hospital report. Claude Ramsey of Asheville n.c., asks about an article in the economist in october it appears that san Francisco and los Angeles a take no pleasure in one another Quot should this have been a take no pleasure in each other at one time some grammarians Laid Down a Rule use Quot each other for two use a one another for More than two. Websters dictionary of English usage says this is no Rule at All and cites eminent writers who have used the two phrases interchangeably. A. Universal press Syndicate it of i i y 1 1 1 a i it takes to draw your ire Tony Kornheiser i come to you today dear readers in the True Post Holiday spirit a which is to say with my hand out. Can you believe there Are so Many people who expect a tip the mailman Fine the paperboy Fine. The dry cleaner delivery Fine it seems i can t answer my door without hand ing somebody Money. It has become such a reflex that yesterday i tipped the meter Reader and a Jehovah a witness i need your help. Recently my mail has been falling off. This concerns me because my contract is up for renewal and there a nothing newspaper columnists like better than a fat mailbag to prove they Are popular and indispensable. A just look at All the mail that Kornheiser gets a hard working reporters say indignantly. No wonder they re mad. They re churning out endless stories about Cabinet selections and International Trade agreements and Basalt production quotas a real and i sit in Here writing about howl Many news feminists it takes to screw in a Light bulb answer a that s not funny Quot and i get All the mail. Take Ruth Kastner of Greenbelt my. She just whipped off a derisive letter about my column from two weeks ago complaining about my a Macho backlash abusive style of a a that a Good. But what a better is that she referenced two previous a Tju Venile and insulting and Quot misogynist a columns she hated equally. That Means Ruth Kastner of Greenbelt Maryland is a Loyal Reader. God bless you Ruth May i Call you Ruth or would you prefer a a Hong anyway besides Ruth my mail has fallen off. And so 1 feel a sudden urge to state my Heartfelt views on several pressing issues of the Day a even if it Means you will excoriate me in letters to Tony Kornheiser creators Syndicate. Los Angeles Calif. 90045 a 1. We need More scientific experimentation on animals. What would happen if you injected baby bunnies a the really cute ones a in the ears with Yoo Hoo with toothpaste with some of that disgusting lunch meat with olives and Pimento it might cure cancer but we Don t know because we Haven to had the courage to try 2. I m on Woody Allens Side. Just because i am. 3. Now Don t get me wrong i like old people. My father is 82, and he s just is Sharp in conversation As he Ever was if you Don t mind repeating yourself four or five times and shouting so they can hear you in Germany. But i think cities should designate a slow Walker Lane on the sidewalks and if old people deviate from it they should get tickets. Because Why should i be late for an appointment with my psychiatrist because i m walking behind the Sunshine boys second offenders should be required to carry their Teeth in a Tupperware bowl kind of like a modern Scarlet letter for purposes of humiliation i also believe old people should be prohibited from driving unless they display those pathetic slow mov ing vehicle symbols on the backs of their cars. 4. And what about those handicapped parking spaces anyway 5. We need More jokes like this so you have a jew a Black Guy an asian an Episcopalian and an Amish babe in a Blimp at 10,000 feet. And at the same instant you push them All out. Who hits the ground first answer who cares har har har har. 6. Led Zeppelin is the most overrated musical group of All Lime. A chorus of monkeys banging tambourines against a dumpster makes better. Music. Their signature song stain Vay to heaven is an endless moronic piece of sludge. And while a we re on the subject of music enough already with the genuflect on to the beatles. Who said anything baby. A r i British was better than everything american if the beatles were from Ecuador i doubt very much we d be making quite this fuss Over them. Our own Paul Revere and the raiders made a song Indian Riser vation that is every bit As Good As Eleanor Rigby a 7.1 know guns done to kill people people kill people. But it s people with guns. 8. Haven to we really had enough of All these so called women so sports you take the Best woman Tennis p Ayer in the world and match her up against some Ball boy at Wimbledon. He wins two out of three. Just once id like to see some pro golfer named Tiffany Quot stand in there against a Roger Clemens Heater. If you insist on having women a sports Fine but done to insult us by actually posting scores. The Way to arrive at a Winner is like the a Best dkiesth.? ?.ea?&Quot Conley a tie rudest clapping. 1 Hen let s slug some Beers. Liz xw-lhemai�?o0 sh0uld�?o"vo Yoio ab0rl in Hay a know what 1 mean thank of eaters Syndicate Page 24 a sunday january 10, 1993
