European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 17, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Last laugh t Page 28 \ if a you cold you la Dave Barry b sent the results of the bad song Survey Here san important message brain takeover Alert be advised that this column names car. Tain songs that you hate and have tried to suppress but As soon As you read their names your brain will Start singing a girl get out of my mind my love for you is Way out of line.,Over and Over and you cant Stop it aide Yeeee thank , i have never written a column that got a bigger response than the one announcing the bad song Survey. Over 10,000 readers voted with cards still coming. Also wherever i went people expressed their views to me often gripping my shirt for emphasis. Quot you know that song about Pina cola Das i hate that song. I hate it song badness is an Issue that americans care deeply about. Second you Neil Diamond fans out there can Stop writing irate unsigned letters telling me that i am not worthy to be a Dandruff Flake on Neil a head of not that i am saying Neil has Dandruff because you have convinced me Neil Diamond is god. I no longer see anything but Genius in the song where he complains that his chair can to hear him. Unfortunately a lot of Survey voters Are not so crazy about Neil a work especially the part of play me where he sings song she Sang to me song she Brang to me of course i think those lyrics Are Brilliant. However they Brang out a Lof of hostility in the readers. But not As much As Levine you Sung by Minnie rip Perton or sometimes when we touch Sung by ban Hill who sounds like he shaving his prostate exam inc by Captain Hook. Many people still deeply resent these songs. Many others would not Rule out capital punishment for anyone convicted of having had anything to do with Gary Puckett and the Union Gap woman Young girl and this girl is a woman now which some voters argue Are All the same song. Likewise there Are boiling pools of animosity out there for Baity / write the songs Manilow Olivia have you never been Mellow Newton John Gilbert alone again naturally of Sullivan the Village Myca people Tony Knock three times Orlando and Yoko every song i Ever performed Ono. And there is no love lost for the singing nun. The voters Are angry. A typical postcard states Quot the number one worst piece of Puz oozing vomit inducing Camel spitting cow phlegm Rock song Ever in the history of the solar system is dreams of the everyday housewife a amazingly this song was not performed by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap Here arc other typical statements a Quot id rather Chew a jumbo Roll of tinfoil than hear hey Paula by Paul and a a whenever i hear the four seasons walk like a Man i want to scream a Frankie sing like a Man a a a Quot i wholeheartedly believe that Ballerina Girt is responsible for 90 percen t of the violent crimes in North America a Quot i nominate every song Ever Sung by the Doobie Brothers. Future ones also.�?�. A a have you noticed How the Hole in the Ozone layer has grown progressively larger since rap got popular a sometimes the voters were so angry that they weren to even sure of the name of the song they hated. There were votes against these boots Are made for stomping the Beach boys classic . Military life in Europe girl sin a nothing but a hound dog and aint no woman like the one eyed Gott. A of of people voted for the lion sleeps tonight offering a variety of interpretations of the chorus including a tween a wapt and Quot Wingle Many readers Are still hostile toward the song wildfire in which Singer Michael Murphy wails for what seems Tike 97 minutes about a lost Pony As one voter put it Quot break a leg voter Steele Hinton particularly criticized the verse where in Quot there came a killing Frost a which causes wildfire to get lost. As Hinton Points out Quot a killing in a killing Frost refers to your Flowers and your Garden vegetables and when one is forecast you should cover your tomatoes. Nobody Ever got lost in a killing Frost who get lost in july As Well a there was also a solid vote for Gordon Lightfoot a the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald a really fun party song. Several votes singled out the line Quot As the big freighters go it was bigger than t. Speaking of bad lyrics there were votes for a creams immortal pm so glad which eloquently expresses the feeling of being glad As follows Quot in a so glad in a so glad in a glad in a glad in a glad a repeat billion times a. I la Tambat because the lyrics translated Are Quot i am not a Sailor i am a Captain i am a Captain i am a he is probably glad. A Johnny get angry performed by Joanie som Mere who sings a Johnny get angry Johnny get mad give me the biggest lecture i Ever had i want a Brave Man i want a Cave take the Money and run in which Steve Milter attempts to rhyme a a Texas with Quot what the facts is a not to mention a a hassle with Quot Al a torn Between two lovers. Reader comment Quot Tom yes hopefully on the a there Ain t enough room in my fruit of the looms to hold All my love for you. This might not be a real song but i done to care certainly these Are All very bad songs but the scary thing is not one song in be named so far is a Winner. Ill name the winners next week after your stomach has settled Down. Meanwhile Here Are More songs you should not think about baby to a want you Candy Man disco Duck i am woman Itsy Bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka Dot Bikini last kiss patches the night Chicago died my Ding a Ling and my Sharona. . Also horse with no name. Tho Miami Herald by Charles Kaufman Why 1$ or. Hat you never see a military police vehicle until your car Breaks Down and then the maps ignore your plight and quickly pass you by. Why is it. That just prior to taking your out into he inspection Center your Pov develops a terminal Case of rust Baa brakes faulty lights and other maladies that will Cost you your entire 1993 pay raise to repair. Why is the one time in the past five years you forget to fasten your seat Belt an my will pull you Over and give you a ticket. Why 1$ it,.that no matter How hard you try to remember you will forget to re Register your car on time causing you time Money aggravation and the realization that there is one organization More bureaucratic than your own the usage aft Pov registration office. Sunday january 17, 1993
