European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 31, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A guide to the other Side of tour life Kurt Neuer hats All this i hear about trouble on bus Tours in Europe. I have been a tour guide most of my adult life with All the major travel agencies calling on the american clientele. I was one of the four founding part owners of top Tours. After 1 left there arc Only three part owners the manager a lady who works in the office and a tour guide. Although 1 am out of running Tours for a while now i would like to give you insight into the fascinating life of a tour guide. For All the criticism about Tours in Europe the Nice thing about organized Tours is that things arc pre planned for he clients. And May i. Add almost to the minute. Guess who docs most of the Fine tuning right the tour guide. Days before the tour those Guys and gals make countless Calls to restaurants to set up menus pleasure activities and boats for reservations. Ever wondered How they know How Many reservations they need Well there is a lot of Guesswork and diplomacy involved to get that extra scat or to Cav blk to give some Back without cancellation fee. They Call shops to persuade owners to open up on sundays against the Law in some areas. Same with local guides and museums. In Short you should have seen my phone Bill in those Days. Now the big event. The bus arrives at the Transfer Point. It comes with tired people who knew there would be a Long Transfer but arc Grouchy nevertheless. If the toilet was locked during the Transfer people Are upset. If it was open people will be upset in two hours when it is full. A dump it  sure maybe in the backyard of a police station there arc legalities involved in chemical toilets. And yet there Are always Many who return from a one hour rest Stop and go straight to the bus toilet. The guide now tries to seat his her people. Not an easy task in itself with parties of two three four and More who naturally want to sit together. But then there arc those who must sit up front or get sick those who done to know the difference Between a Al scr. Gic Quot Tri smoke and a a done to like Quot it and those who just done to like he scat the neighbor or themselves. Hooray. It worked out and off they go. The guide makes his Little speech about does and Don to looking at Heads with their eyes closed headphones on and rocking to Mike and the mechanics. With 50 people on the bus the guides Are asked 150 times How much the sodas arc. At 3, somebody taps you on the shoulder and asks for a soda. Then they get where they want to be with problems waiting heavy traffic turning around one Way streets construction inexperienced or new Drivers the Driver drives the guide guide strikes collecting optional tour Money to save the client time from waiting in lines if you include optional you la get complaints from those who Are a a forced to go on Side trips they meant to ski giving historical data on the area while trying to concentrate Over screaming babies and those who talk about soap operas. Between All that you answer questions you already answered three times Over the Bush a system Mike and the mechanics was More important. You try to find the right words to Tell the obligatory two who arc always late to get on the bus in time or else. Constantly calculating and recalculating your time schedule. A How much is a soda a asks a Guy from underneath his headphones. The clock is ticking your patience fading. You must make that ferry. Leave the ice Cream lovers behind who is this suspicious looking local getting so close to a clients purse. The questions come at you a Why is there no ice water on the tables in the restaurants Quot a Why do the shops in Italy rip you off on the Exchange rate when you pay ?�?� when i was try in the states the fort Rucker National Bank could not even Exchange German Marks without sending them to Atlanta for five Days. How come you expect a Little shop in Venice to give you Bank rates a How much is a soda a finally someone tells you that everything is better in the states. A then go there for gods Sake a you want to scream your nerves lying Bare by now. But no. Keep smiling. Dinner time and entertainment. All but four signed up to come along. You try to advise the four to find inexpensive food. Your place is with the group. Naturally you Are not that experienced when it comes to restaurants other than the ones you always go to. 1 1 a can you suggest a Good restaurant a a Well of course i thought that a what i just did. Forty six. Want to go Why not you sometimes you can to get reservations in a a your restaurant and you must go a adventuring. On the Way Back you hit a Jam. Your calculated delay time was used up by the ice Cream lovers. Now what skip dinner break and make 50 unhappy or be late and make 500 wait comment Sheet time the guide should have told us that the Banks in Italy Are closed on sundays. Food was Lousy Well i did no to Cook i planning was poor internal and external causes for delay the hotel was the pits because the maid did no to speak English the guide was rude just because i a asked How much a soda was. A Why am i still in this business a that is a question every guide has asked himself. A i am spending my time trying to make people Happy who sometimes seem to have come on a tour just to feel Lousy no matter what. I am spending my weekends with not enough sleep and lose my Circle of friends because in a never there when they invite me. I know All about the night life of Rome London Berlin but lose touch with my own Hometown. My blood pressure jumps up simply because somebody tapped me on the shoulder and i am a sure ulcer candidate if i care about everything going right and about fair ratings if 1 done to care in a in the wrong business. So. Why All this a to see the world and get paid for it Well even the red Light District of Amsterdam gets Boring after walking a group through 120 times. It can even be embarrassing when one of the Quot establishment owners greets you. A Chi Kurt you re Back again a it usually happens on the one tour you brought your Boss or wife on. Is it the pay it docs come in Handy. But subtract your expenses and count in the hours you invest before during and after the trip and you might arrive at 5 Marks an hour a before tax. To be honest i can to answer Why we keep going out. Even now that i Haven to been on a tour for a couple of years i get that feeling of nostalgia when i see a bus. It is a Good feeling to know that you showed Quot your people a Good time. You helped them to an experience they might never forget a to make friends. Kurt suor Uvea in Heidelberg Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11,  laugh Schwadron Usa. Quot Here a a rundown of today a scores Sincl drug test results. Contents l rom the cover .4-7 focusing on the super howl. Sidelights. 8-9 the failing of Eddie Murph Clarence Page on the Clinton teams , Odds amp ends. 10 Erma Bot Beek on divorcing children. In tune. .11 Arsenio Hall ready to stay on the air. This weeks items. 12-13 Chuck Van copans a used  a a yes circuit listings. Television listings14-17 local Cable and satellite schedules. Home entertainment.18 a Icho sign a Parkin add bite to a Man trouble voices. 21 Linda Ellerbe turns out the lighter. Words amp wit 24 William Safire says no to Quot no Fly  looks. 25 sitting Bull s heroic ways. On Parade. 27 the acting and Loving of Willem Dafoe. Last laugh. 28 Dave Barry on a Christmas Roll in Las vegas. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Wes Booher production Mon Trice Presley Denise Adams editorial assistance Louis d. Fierce Page 2 a a sunday january 31, 1033