European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 31, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse T i avy v it Asad to note its reigning cats not dogs anymore Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in in be been noticing for a Long time now that we re changing from a dog country to a cat country. When did this cat thing happen next time somebody sends me a cat greeting card in a Gonna take a meat Tenderizer to a Long haired persian and Send you a raw Forburger Back in the mail. We used to be a nation of dog people. Dogs were considered Normal pets. People liked dogs because they had personalities Tike Willard Scott. They never Stop moving they notice everybody they ran outside in bad weather and they cat a lot. Dogs arc social. They re polite. They act like they need you More than you need them. Dogs arc Sloppy and goofy. They run around eating other Peoples garbage forcing neighbors to Deal with them. Dogs need attention. Because dogs know they re in a world with other beings. What docs that Tell you about the big switcheroo from dogs to cats it tells you that there arc Way too Many people sitting around in their duplex apartments watching 347 channels on Cable no wonder they like cats. What does a cat like to do a cat likes to sit on top of the to set. By himself. A cat does no to even want you watching him sit on the to set. A a cat cats like Donald Trump. He knows it s time to cat. He knows someone will prepare his food serve his food and remove his dirty dishes when he a finished. But be does no to care who it is. When a cat docs notice you its so he can remind you How Lucky you Are to have him living in your cat in other words is a Republican if a dog is Willard Scott then a cat is Barbara Walters. She might ask you a few questions once in a while but she a not Gonna form any lasting emotional attachments Willard honestly cares about 102-year-old grannies living in Wheeling . Barbara does no to even leave fifth Avenue unless you be been on the cover of time speaking of Nasty animals that like to lick things Charlie Spradling stars in to sleep with a Vampire As a lonely topless dancer who gets taken Home by a Vampire and ends up thinking its Kinda Kinky Charlie is the fastest rising a movie Queen in the business Ever since she amazed Cable audiences in kiss of the beast about four years ago Back when her name was just Quot Charlie a i guess she added the Quot Spradling Quot to make it sound More sexy. I hear the. Word a a Spradling a a and i just go All gooey inside. In kiss of the beast she played a sex crazed Vampire Lover but since then she has been Wor King very hard on her acting doing a lot of movies and to stretching those acting Muscles if you know what i mean and i think you do until today she can play. Well. I guess she a still playing a sex crazed Vampire Lover. Three dead bodies. Highl breasts. Three excellent topless routines. One motor vehicle Chase with fireball. Vampire aardvark ing. Basting Fork to the Stom Ach. Barroom Brawl. A Ray vision. Kung fun. Topless fun. Sunlight fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Scott Valentine for saying a a there a a dark part of your soul and a i have to feed spread Charlie Spradling in to sleep with a Vampire. Ling for saying Quot you re not one of those bondage freaks or anything Are you and Adam Friedman the director for making one of those Quot is it Art or is it exploitation Quot films. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the sky Vuc drive in in Lamesa Texas is that rarest of species a an old fashioned Small town country drive in that still makes Money. Owners Sam and Carolyn Kirkland bought the 10-acre theater for $12,500 in 1986, when drive ins were considered worthless and started restoring the screen largest in texas4hc snack bar the playground equipment and and system. Admission is three Bucks two Bucks on wednesdays. . Parker of Austin reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in Wilt never die a dear Joe Bob i was watching Abc world news tonight last night its not something in a proud of a three a company was a non Chrissy episode and there was a report on Japan doing american bashing. They reported that in the newest Godzilla movie he americans Are the bad Guys. Do you know what this Means it Means Fiat Japan is still making Godzilla movies and not sending them Over Here. I can t believe that there is a Trade embargo on Godzilla films. The last Godzilla film of these shores was Godzilla �?T85, Wasny to it i think that we should t Send the japanese any More to can age mutant slash of prison films until they play fair and Send Over some Godzilla. Of course they will have to change the ending. Like they did in King Kong is. Godzilla. King Kong won Over Here and Godzilla won Over Murray Dallas dear Gary it became very difficult to sell the Godzilla films Iri America after Raymond Burr became larger than Godzilla. Dear Joe Bob Franken Hooker is not Pally Mullen a first film. An earlier horror film 1987 titled doom Asylum takes that Honor. Patty a in the August �?T86 and january 88 issues of Penthouse. I think your readers would be interested Tim Murphy. Id Monte Calif. Dear Tim yom Guys Are always making me look bad. 0 you re right about doom Asylum. I missed those two spreads in Penthouse because i Only read Penthouse for the articles. Ceo Alofs std Clio to of cuss to meaning cd Job Bob or to got from a a nil in and his world Lamous to am Howard , wrap Job i jul Briggs . Box 2002. Dallas. Toms 7s221. Job Bob s fax my is always opon 12h 3c8 2310.a filthy fun. Addiction that just went up in smoke Linda Ellerbee you Niay not understand but saying goodbye was hard. I knew i had to move on a id promised myself i would a but after All wed been together so Many years. Now it was the first week of the new year. It was 6 o clock in the morning. It was time. Past time really. I took one last puff put out my cigarette and put on the Patch. I quit. I know i should have quit years ago but i did t and that a that. The truth was i really enjoyed smoking. My Mother was right. I should Nix or have picked up that first cigarette but Back then they weren to telling us How dangerous it was not that this knowledge would necessarily have kept me from smoking i was like All Young people going to live forever. The first time 1 smoked was with Judy Bright. We were outside her House so her Mother kill us and we had a pack of Kents. I remember the first puff. Nothing maybe bitter that Sall. 1 pressed on. Smoking was sophisticated Cool a something that neither Judy nor i was. For most of us Back then smoking was just one More rite of passage knowing hold the cigarette properly was no problem. Practically every Star in Hollywood had shown me How to hold a cigarette. So had my parents. To hts second puff was slightly less bitter. I could feel myself getting Quot cooler Quot by the minute i finished my first cigarette and thought of i can do this. This Isnit so much. I done to know Why my mom gets so w worked up on the subject a Quot Linda Jane its a filthy filthy habit and done to you when i think about it now i realize she had no idea just How filthy. None of us did. So i became a smoker. The surgeon general a first report came out. I continued smoking. I was pregnant. Twice i continued smoking. People around me began to quit. I continued smoking. The medical evidence piled up. I continued smoking everybody else seemed to have quit i continued smoking. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I continued smoking. And you wonder Why they Call it an addiction it used to amaze me when someone would come up to me and say something like Quot excuse me but did you know smoking a bad for you Quot i always wanted to say Quot Why no 1 did no to. You see i just fell off the Back of that turnip Ruck Over of course i know it was bad for me. I Wasny to dumb i was addicted. Mentally As Well As physically. As i said i liked smoking. After a w Hile 1 actually taste liked the slow pull of the smoke into my lungs and the exhale i liked the Way it gave me something to do with my hands the Way it made me less nervous around strangers. I liked the familiarity of that cigarette with Coffee the one in the ashtray next to me while i wrote and yes the one after making love. I admit it 1 used smoking As a Crutch All that stuff. But you know what it sure was fun. When i found out i had breast cancer there is no connection Between smoking and breast Canceri decided to quit a after chemotherapy. If i were going to get Bald and throw up every Day i Wasny to going to be without my Crutch until that was Over. I know this much ill never be a Nonor Noker Soule of them have shown them Sykes to be truly people. Ill be a smoker who just does no to smoke anymore. Ainu to that enough King pc was in a january 31, 1 jj3 sunday Page 21
