European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 28, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices trying to draw reality from the Art of the Deal Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in. Bout once a week i get one of these let tors that starts out conservative elements in America arc attempting to de stroy Public funding for the arts and humanities. We need your help now blah blah and then they go into these raps about censorship and Jesse Helms and How there s this massive conspiracy to nuke All the writers and artists and lesbian film societies and chamber orchestras in places like Wheeling . And All i have to say is i Don t get it. I really Don t. I Don t understand Why so Many people who claim they re for Freedom of speech and Freedom of expression arc so All fired eager to take tax Money and give it to midget Ballet companies in Petaluma. Because what you re doing is you re Tak ing Money away from 99 percent of the people who Don t give a flying Fujiyama about Ballet and you re giving it All to the Tutu Loving 1 percent. That s not Freedom of expression. That s a welfare program for assistant professors of humanities at Junior colleges in North Dakota. You know what i m getting at Here of i know i know i know there Are All these reasons Why giving away All this arts Money improves the Quality of life for eve yeah. Right. Here s one reason we hear we need to expose poor people to the arts so they la be come better educated. Deck Sills goddess routine in trader in other words let s bus those ghetto kids Over to the Phoenix Community theater to see waiting for godot and then have discussions about the meaning is Ness of life. Better yet let s Send poets Down to the old folks Home and have pm reel off free verse about nightmarish sexual diseases. That la pump Cul Ture into the old geezers. Please. Gimme a break. Y All Stop worrying about this of i do not Wanna have to Tell you again. Speaking of Public funding for the arts Why did t anybody come up with government Money when hard working film executives were struggling to pre serve trader Horne the 1970 Jungle sex comedy considered one of the crowning achievements in the career of exploitation King David Friedman it s finally out on video thanks to Central Park Media and the incredibly nude performance of deck Sills As Algona the White goddess has been preserved As part of this nation s artistic heritage. Thirty four breasts. One dead body. Barroom Brawl. Pathetic Crocodile attack. Guy in a Gorilla suit. Deadly Snake pit. Gratuitous River bathing. Kung fun. Tickle fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Sills the sex crazed Jungle goddess with a pet Leop Ard buddy Pantsari in the title role for saying is one moment of ecstasy Worth a lifetime of shame he decides it is John Alderman As the evil swinger for saying i a we do want to play the Coli Abesh Monica As the jealous Secretary who Calls the goddess a Little tramp and gets into a hair pull ing Calfi Ghl with her and Friedman for actually hav ing the natives shout Ungava when they Sec the goddess coming you could get away with this in 1970, but today it s Only. Two stars. Joe Bob says Check it out anyhow. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Victory Over politicians the East drive in in Aurora colo., which has been fighting the City Council and mayor s office off and on for three years is open again and doing decent business. Mayor Paul Taucer still complains about the Upkeep of the place but Joel Boldry president of Summit theatre corp., has spent several thousand dollars on improvements. For a Long time the drive in was opposed because it was used As a Flea Market on weekends and later be cause its Friday night sock hops attracted a lot of traffic. Irv Ray Hale of Denver reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob Kwajalein Marshall islands May be a Sun drenched Paradise. We May Pinch ourselves and say All this and a paycheck we May say dumber things hike it does t get any better than but we always have to Check the Calendar to Sec what month it is. Because nothing Ever changes this place is Boring we Don t even observe Daylight Sav Ings time nothing changes the Calendar says that i be been Here for Only three months but i m sure that someone must have forgotten to wind the Damn thing. Send something. Every Little bit helps. Ray Rizor . Army Kwajalein Marshall islands dear Ray i m sending you five or six ugly girls with Pale White skin to break up the Monotony. How s that dear Joe Bob maybe you could help me out Here. Whert some one grabs your newsletter from my hands and says what is this show exactly should i respond in the past i be referred to you As Joe Bob Briggs drive in movie critic of Grapevine Texas but you re so much More than that and besides your Post office Box is in dal Las. I be thought that maybe it should be Prophet for our age but file it seems a Little stilted. Any suggestions Zack Reiheld , Minn. Dear Zack i m not particular. Messiah will do. Dear Joe Bob Why do you think that at the turn of the Century men got excited by a Well turned ankle and now it takes heaving Hooters to do the same. Rose rings new Albany Ohio dear Rose Ankles became a turnoff when women started having them surgically enhanced. Wait till you see what it s Gonna take in the next Century. Dear Joe Bob you re right. Life s a Judy Garland lip syncing contest and i m outta Here. Justin Reed Phoenix dear Justin and i feel like Toto. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of i a with Joe Bob or to Jot treo junk in the mail and his world famous tvo a a Tia wort newsletter Wrilon Joo Bob Boggs . Box 2002. Dau Texas 75221. Joo Bob s la line is Ftp ways open 214 368-2310. Applauding Clinton for his plan and guts Linda Ellerbee he did what we elected him to do. We said we wanted change and by Golly that s just what Dill Clinton gave , in big foul tasting doses. Howdy you like it now me 1 like the Guy better than Ever mainly because in listening to his state of the Union speech i heard something i had t heard in a politician in so Long i almost did t recognize it at first. If i remember correctly it s called courage. What president Clinton did was much More than take 12 years of Republican economic Dogma and stand it on its head although in getting rid of Mas Sive military buildups and tax Breaks for the Rich he surely did that and then some. What Clinton realty did was Tell us the truth the unpleasant unpalatable unwanted truth and that s a Brave thing for any politician much less a president to do at any time. I beaded the speech White the Little Var inside my head replayed Ronald Reagan and George Bush giving us their state of the Union addresses and i thought no More smoke and mirrors. Dill Clinton is using real numbers real facts and making real choices. Bill Clinton is going to Trust us. In telling us the truth he said we might be in a re covery but we weren t creating jobs. He explained what would happen if that did t change. He told us exactly what would happen to the other Guy. Lie did t say he would spare the Middle class which Reagan and Bush always said and never did. Before criticizing Clinton s plan let us remember just who was in charge these past 12 years while the Rich got Richer and everybody else got poorer. Republicans will be Quick to say he should have Cut More and taxed less. They started saying that be fore Clinton was entirely out of the building but talk is cheap. Cut what More social Security be specific. Us huh that s what i thought. Nobody likes the increase n taxes of course not but get real when it comes to Clinton s economic plan everybody somewhere will hate something and nobody anywhere will hate nothing. That s How we arc and that s politics. We want at least we need a president Strong enough to say to business to special interest groups to the military and even to the ple Deal with and that s what Clinton has said to everybody now. Just Deal with time now for us to say Back of we time to find our own courage and help our elected representatives find theirs. Of sure they interrupted the Man s speech 79 limes with applause but applauding spending cuts is one thing voting to actually Cut something vital to your District is another. The same is True of raising taxes. They Don t do that Well especially members of the House who must stand for re election every other year. However if somehow they do find the courage to do the right thing despite political consequences sure and cows will Fly overhead on that Day i hear you saying then we have a real Chance. If they Don to then Bill Clinton s plan his courage and even his election will have been for nothing for nothing will have changed except that we As individuals and As a nation will be another Day older and deeper in debt. King features a february 23, 1993 Page 21
