European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 25, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners because i am one of the first people on the train to work i always get a seat. Later there arc usually people who have to stand in the aisle. How old docs a person need to be for me to offer my scat is there a gracious and easy Way to offer my scat to an older woman i would t want to imply that she is old especially if she appears to have taken great pains to avoid giving that impression. If someone is steeping next to me should i still offer my scat gentle Reader As you seem to understand we Are now going from a bus seat and general Prece Dence system that was based solely on gender to one based on age and need. While miss manners has never objected to this change she would like to Point out that people will look Back fondly one Day when they remember How comparatively simple it was to Tell the boys from the girls. Now you must not Only attempt to judge these More difficult categories but you must also watch out for the reluctant elderly miss manners thinks of them As the Young at wardrobe and the proud needy who might be startled to find themselves singled out. Mind you everyone should be grateful for the offer of kindness and taking insult at politeness is unbearably rude. It is folks who do that who brought us the school of precedence known As get out of my Way. Who sits next to the scat that you vacate is not an Issue unless you Are suggesting that the sleeping passenger has been using your shoulder As a Pillow and will be in need of a substitute shoulder. Dear miss manners my husband and i were spending a quiet evening at Home watching a movie and dining on chinese takeout when the phone rang. It was a close Friend calling for me and my husband told her that we were in the Middle of Din Ner and a movie and asked if i could return her Call. She cheerfully chirped yes no  the next Day i was subjected at a tirade from her about my husband s Lack of manners. She stated that if he and i wanted to be left alone he should not have answered the phone at All that answering the phone was tantamount to saying i would Call her to the phone if it were someone important however it is Only you  i tried to explain that it had nothing to do with the o now not Usa this bread s been de germinated de fibred refined processed and bleached on the other hand it do shave a picture of farm on  importance of the person but of the Call itself. My husband was expecting an important business Call and is uncomfortable with letting the voice mail sys tem answer. It is not a system whereby we can Actu ally Monitor the incoming Calls As they Are happen my Friend s daughter who is a family Counselor also heard the Call via the speaker phone in the car they were calling from and concluded  Mother that my husband had an incredible Lack of manners. If my own no the had been calling from out of state to Chat 1 would have told her the same thing. This has caused a great Deal of anxiety and 1 desperately need to know How to respond and How this. Should be dealt with in the future. I m afraid not to talk to her even if i m in the Middle of making a complicated souffle lest she think the souffle1 is More important. Gentle readers considering the nature of the Friendship the souffle probably is More important miss manners suggests that you do not repeat not take your etiquette advice from people whose idea of polite behaviour is to direct tirades toward you concerning your husband s manners. For that matter nobody at All should be taking family counselling from someone whose idea of helpfulness is to invade a family with criticism based on an overheard Telephone conversation. To Telephone someone is by definition to break in on that person s life. Polite excuses May always be offered for not being available to talk at that moment and must be politely accepted. Dear miss manners for the last two years i have been walking two dogs for a married couple who live across the Street. My dog is heaven on a Leash and their dogs arc hell on a Leash. My dog is Well trained. Their dogs arc not trained at All. Their owners do pay me so i do not want to give up the Job. But How to Tell them politely without hurting their feelings that their dogs need training if they arc willing to pay the training school fee i would be More than Happy to take the dogs myself for no extra  Reader miss manners appreciates your delicacy in not wanting to Embarrass the dog owners. She probably shoun t even be wondering exactly How bound up these people s egos Are in their dogs behaviour so As to make it Likely that they would take personally the information that the dogs could stand improvement. But even if that were the Case you would be free to mention this because you Are a professional in the Field so to speak. If for example you were a Day care provider for children it would be your professional obligation to identify any problems you might have observed and to suggest a remedy. United feature Syndicate ". _ � feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners. . Boi 91428, Cleveland. Ohio 44101-3428. The quiz shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column Mich Teft Usa the sky is falling. Details it  j marriage trouble finish it rickety split Erma Bombeck you say you d like to get a divorce but you can t find a parking spot you say you re not budgeted for lawyer fees you say both of you want to split but you get Only 30 minutes for lunch my Friend Quick court is Here. Well almost. The Pilot program being tested in Scottsdale ariz., is the Only computer system in the country that can person Alize and print court approved documents and answer common Legal questions for free. In an Era where we fax out for lunch Pray at a drive in Church and administer Home pregnancy tests it was Only a matter of time before computer divorces came on the scene. Here s How it works. After you punch in All the vital information a computer video with a professional actor and colourful graphics will guide you through options and filing Steps. The Only hitch is that the system is limited to non contested situations. It makes you wonder How people can get married or get a divorce faster than they can have their Teeth cleaned or a pizza delivered. What s the big hurry this bit of technology proves again How the whole world is on a fast track. Traffic lights Don t change fast enough elevators Are too slow lines Don t move quickly enough and television Remote controls Click like crickets from impatient viewers who want to avoid a message from your  it also makes you wonder what is the next profession to take a hit by automation. Are we in for me Dequick where you punch your symptoms into a computer and an out of work actor from St. Else where presents colourful graphics of your problem and guides you through Home surgery i go through entire Days wondering if i will Ever see people. Where have they gone we shop at Home by Way of television talk to answering machines and do business with robot voices. ,. Universal press Syndicate no Kii i in about the civil War 1. Official name the War of the rebellion 2. Brig. Men. George Armstrong Custer Union s youngest 23 3. Mount Vemon declared Neutral ground 4. Oliver Wendell Holmes or. Wounded three times 5. Paul Revere s grandson died at Gettysburg 6. Battle hymn of the Republic sold for $4 to Atlantic monthly by Julia Ward Howe world features Syndicate movie surprises 1. Miracle on 34th Street released in july 2. Mrs a 14 directors rejected Job offer 3. West Side Story ran five years straight in Paris 4. Twelve angry men shot in 20 Days 5. Pocky Stallone wrote screenplay in four Days retakes t f a a Page 10 sunday july 25,1993