European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 07, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds & ends miss manners Judith Martin dear Mitt manner i am an old fashioned believer in not mixing business with pleasure. I especially hate having meats with business associates � who Are not personal friends. But now a client of the newspaper for which i am a reporter has invited me to lunch. I am certain this client who has a four figure advertising account with us intends to do High Grade kibitzing with me regarding sports coverage. I would rather talk business during regular working hours instead of during a of tried of the Day that is sup posed to be a respite from the stress of the work Aday world. I know business related meals Are considered a necessary evil but i would like advice on a polite Way to Tell this client How i feel without it sounding like a snub. Or should i go ahead and put up with a lunch time business talk for the Sake of Good Busi Ness relations please say i should t have to do it. Gentle readers miss manners will certainly say that but it would be More useful if your editor would Tell the client that you would love to go but that he forbids it. What Are editors for if this one is reluctant you might Point out that what you have Here is a sure no Winner for the newspaper. Once this client has told you How he thinks sports should be covered do you think for a moment that he won t Check the paper every Day to see if you followed his instructions and is he going to be Happy if you Don to in any Case miss manners advises you to cultivate a reputation with outsiders not editors for being too Busy working to take time out for lunch. Dear Mitt Mannert scenario no. 1 several family members Are not speaking to one another. One is getting married and indicates that she will probably Send an invitation to everyone in the family regardless of their difference. Should the people giving a Surprise bridal Shower invite these estranged family members to the Shower before the Bride reconciles with her family scenario no. 2 the Bride indicates that she is not inviting the members of the family from whom she is estranged. Should they be invited to a Shower Given for the Bride gentle readers at first glance these seemed like two terrible ideas. Showers Are an occasion on which people overflowing with love gather around 1993 Cowo i Levin Usa in 5 i urge this jury not to Tot int tvs dance you against my client their dear Friend and these guests Are unlikely candidates. This certainty rules out scenario no. 2. To expect people to fuss Over a Bride who does not speak to them is not a  idea. Scenario no. 1 might have its advantages however. Gathering former enemies at a wedding is not without danger and to hold a less formal event As a. Trial is not a bad idea. Dear miss manners i have upon occasion invited people who never responded to the invitations and later i encountered them in one place or another after the event had taken place. I avoided bringing up any mention of their rude behaviour and of course have dropped them from any future lists i have anything to do with. Sometimes i have wondered if there is some re Mark you have filed under skewers stiletto like for jerks who Don t respond to invitations that would allow me to vent my spleen in a miss Man Nerly manner. Or is that an oxymoron gentle readers now now now. Miss manners is in the etiquette business not in the Jerk skew ering business. Dropping them socially is about As severe a punishment As a mannerly person can offer to unman Nerly ones. But if you were to say i m so sorry to have missed you saturday i Trust you weren t seriously ill she would be willing to classify this As polite concern rather than sarcasm if you promised to say it in very even tones. Dear miss manners i have heard that when attending a formal event the woman should not Wear a watch because she should be concerned with having a Good time and not with what time it is. My Mother and i Are having a dispute about this gentle readers if you Are disputing whether there is such a Rule you Are right. Neither ladies or gentlemen Are supposed to Wear wristwatches at evening social events although miss manners thought surely she was the last person in the world to remember this. However if your Are disputing whether this Rule makes sense your Mother has a Point. She is probably remembering the even More pressing Rule against guests staying at social events until their hosts Are ready to cry with fatigue. How do we reconcile these two rules especially since hosts Are not supposed to have clocks in their drawing rooms for much the same reason etiquette is Pannier that you noticed. Only visible watches Are proscribed which is Why gentlemen have Little pockets for watches in their evening clothes. Ladies can Wear watches covered to look like bracelets keep tiny clocks in their evening purses or secure other timepieces about their per sons. Or they can wait until the first Droop of their Host s eyelids to realizes that it is time to go Home. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Blade Ink on while writing paper to miss manner . To 91428. Cleveland. Ohio 44101-3428. The que shortage prevents mlis Man ners Tram answering questions except through this column. A bargain of a family value mom at Home Erm Bombeck it in t a rousing Crescendo or a clap of cym Bals yet. It s just a Small chorus of voices. But every Day somewhere a person dares to Sug Gest that mothers Are needed at Home to raise our country s children. What will they think of next for 20 years i be been waiting for someone to anoint child raising As a profession requiring skill Talent and monumental value. I was a member of that nameless faceless army of stay at Home mothers who never made it to the cover of time or Newsweek never got a salary a vacation a promotion or a dinner of appreciation. Mothers question How important a profession is when they can t pay a Sitter $2.50 an hour and All the food she could consume to do for three hours what they do 24 hours a Day for free. How did it All break Down i think it was when the husbands of America came Home from work each night and asked what did you do All Day and left the room while their wives were answering the question. They never really knew what we did All Day. The physical needs of child raising Are a Given you Wash the same pants and shirts pick up the same towels Cook the same food week after week and pack the same lunches. A Gorilla could retrained to do that. What you really do All Day is mediate a score of disagreements listen to a zillion thoughts and Sto Ries your kids need to share discipline them make them accountable Praise them insist on manners teach them about sharing cleanliness and what is right and what is wrong. Some will question Why a Mother in the Home Why not a father it does t matter. Just so some one shows up for it. Universal press Syndicate no kidding favorite pizza toppings 1. Japan tuna and scallops 2. Germany Salami 3. Israel Green olives 4. Bahamas Barbecue Chicken 5. France Ham and mushrooms 6. Korea tuna at Domino s pizza stores . Favorite i Pepperoni Domino s Pica big numbers 1. How Long Sun will last 5 billion years 2. Letters Elvis got in the army 8,000-10,000weekly 3. Distance Blue whale sound heard 500 Miles 4. Bullets shot at Bonnie and Clyde s car -167 5. Words invented by Shakespeare 1,700 world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday november 7,1993