European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 5, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Al Page 10 miss Mann is Judith Martin dear miss Mannara a close Friend has been having a torrid affair with a married Man for the last three or four months. She is in her Early 40s, has been Down this Road a few times before and is aware of the Likely outcome. A if i hear this affair compared with 77ie Bridges of Madison count or the Thom Birds out More time i think i am going to rip my haircut. I know the Man from a class the three of us took so i was aware of the facts about his personal life but now 1 know a lot More than i bargained for. She talks about this Guy As if he were the catch of a lifetime. He has children and a wife who is recovering from cancer. Her sister is dying of cancer and their Mother died of it. He tells Megan All the things she wants to hear a that he never cheated on his wife before that Megan is like no other woman that their affair is not based on sex and that he wished they had met years ago so he could have married her instead he has made it Clear that although he loves her he could never leave his wife and family. He gave her a wedding ring they exchanged vows and yes its inscribe which she regularly wears. He and Megan see each other almost daily and talk All Day via beepers and coded messages. Her work is suffering but seeing him is top priority. When solicited for advice i and other friends have advised her to end this affair asap and get on with her life. We have said that As Long As she is obsessed with this Man she is closed to the possibility of meeting a Man capable of a healthy honest relationship. I am going nuts listening to How a a wonderful he is and How a a Beautiful the relationship is and All the other crazy justifications she uses to keep herself in denial of what a really going on. I try to surround myself personally and professionally with people whom i respect and whose qualities i Admire. I no longer respect or Trust Megam she is Quick to judge other people and i did not treat her in the same fashion a i wanted to try to be a Good Friend now i find myself constantly thinking of this Man s wife who must be going through a great Deal emotionally and physically with her own illness and with her sister s illness and eventual death. On top of it she works and is raising children. 1 wonder if she suspects her husband of being in. Faithful and is in denial herself i do not know this woman and it is not my place to Tell her about her. Husbands infidelity but i feel i should do something. 1 just done to know what it is. Gentle readers nobody should have to listen to a reprise of the Bridges of Madison county. Miss manners is in Complete agreement with you there. But other than not making yourself available for confidences and the inevitably futile task you have already attempted of trying to reason with someone in love what did you have in mind to do you Are quite right in saying that it is not your business to Tell the wife not Only because you Are a stranger but also because being a stranger you have no Way of judging the damage you might do. No matter what Megan has told you you do not really know anything about the circumstances of the wife a life other than that she seems to be dealing with an enormous amount of tragedy All at once. Perhaps she knows about the affair and perhaps not. And if she does she May have chosen any number of ways of dealing with it. You May never know a which docs not prevent miss manners from sympathizing with your unwillingly having heard half a or rather a third a of the Story and naturally wondering about the rest. It is your use of the phrase a in denial that worries miss manners that you May be tempted to Tell. Obviously you think that any woman aware of such a situation would demand a showdown. But another lady particularly an ill one with heavy responsibilities May think otherwise. In either Case allowing the wife to know that her situation is known to strangers can Only be an Addi Lional Burden upon her. A dear Mies manner is when my fraternal twin brother was recently married there were no bridesmaids so my sister was not asked to be in the wedding. Her husband was the Best Man. When i Tell friends that i was not asked to be the a a a Best Man they Are upset for me and wonder if i did something to make my brother choose someone else. When my answer is negative they Are puzzled. Some say they  have gone. In a not taking this personally but should i ask about his Choice or just leave it alone As i have done so far gentle readers Are you telling miss manners that you Are going around saying a my brother got married and did no task me to be the Best Man Quot or that you Are simply announcing your brother a marriage and other people Are demanding to know if you got to play a part and Why not miss manners needs to know who the troublemaker is in order to know whom to blame for the problem. Should she say a for goodness Sake done to be so foolish As to Start trouble Oyer something that is Over and done with United Falur Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette question in Black or blues Black Ink on White writing paper miss manner , Box 9142ft, Cleveland. Ohio 44101-342b, the quilt shortage prevent min manners from answering question except through this column. Steiner Usa and unease of spandex Erma 60mbeck a Hen is the spandex madness going to Stop any Day now i expect to read that a person wearing a spandex body suit has fallen and can to get up. Its unhealthy. Cellulite cannot breathe in those confines. No one has to Tell me when a woman is girdled in it. Her face is bloated. That is because when the elastic izod garment compresses All the flesh Between it the fat has to go somewhere. Fat rises. Everyone who has taken an introductory chemistry course knows that. It goes to your face. When the Miracle fabric first came on the Market it showed up in gyms All Over the country. It did no to make any sense. If you were thin enough to Wear spandex you did no to need a gym in the first place. I wore it. Then i figured out that forcing a Leotard Over your hips burned up More calories than chasing cars in the Indianapolis 500. Eventually the younger set bought dresses containing spandex that stopped Short of their panty Tine and arrest. Id see them tugging at the garment every time they stood up. It did no to help. The dress would ride up again. Many have discovered the style is limiting. There Are too Many things you can to do while wearing it. You can to step up on a curb. You can t sit in the presence of someone you have not known for at least five years or to whom you Are not married. You can t take an aspirin Tablet without friends tracking it from the moment it enters your body to your bloodstream. You can to Bend Over to pick up anything that has fallen you can to stand higher than your heels measure or someone can look up your dress. You can t drive a car or try on shoes. Models still Wear spandex because they Haye a Safe runway to walk on and nothing to do once they get to the end of it. Cheerleaders Wear it because it showcases their assets. Elastic waistbands Are one thing but elastic body suits should be sold Only to women who can survive sudden drafts and who do not feel the need to breathe with any regularity. ,. Universal phase Syndicate no kidding Navy punishments circa 1640 1. For bad cooking a 12 strokes of whip 2. For being naked on deck a nine strokes 3. For stealing major s wig a 12 strokes 4. For breaking into the liquor a 12 strokes 5. For dirty clothes a 12 strokes a one night stands with american history6 to show themes that have Myrlca 1. Mission impossible 2.1 dream of Jeannie 3. The munsters 4. The Odd couple 5. Hogan s heroes 6. Looney tunes world feature Syndicate sunday december 5, 1993 to a