European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 5, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 28 in a hand Bunch of Bull Dave Barry i t is pathetic but True that we americans hardly Ever think about agriculture. We walk into a restaurant and order a hamburger and we rarely Stop to ask ourselves where exactly did this hamburger come from and did everybody involved Wash his hands yes too Many of us take agriculture for granted failing to realize that without agriculture there would be nothing to do in for example Nebraska. And that is Why today i am going to devote yet another column to an extremely important facet of agriculture namely the cow facet. Well Start with a troubling cow product advertisement this advertisement which was brought to my attention by Alert readers Gloria Bell and Betty Hermsmeyer appeared on pages 10 and 11 of the february 1993 Issue of beef today Magazine. If you foolishly threw your copy away i urge you to Rush out to the Landfill and dig around until you locate it because this is a fascinating advertisement. Its for a product called Safe guard which is used to de worm cows the headline states a it pays to question your do Wormer. There a a Large color photograph of two men Clad in overalls and billed Caps standing behind the rear end of the cow the cows face is not shown and you will soon see Why. The men look Normal and sane except for one Thiher one of them has much of his right Arm inside the rear end of the cow. The Man does not appear to be at All concerned about this. He a not even looking at the cow. His head is turned casually toward the other Man and he a saying something perhaps Quot in a afraid i can to go Bowling tonight Ted there a a cow on my on a they i found my dentures Quot i wrote to the manufacturer of Safe guard Hoschst Roussil Agri vet co., asking what the Heck was going on in this picture. I got Back a letter from a veterinarian named John Paul he explained that the Man in the picture is a spa plating Quot the cow to find out whether its pregnant. Apparently this is a perfectly legitimate veterinary procedure although i it imagine there Are serious risks if you done to know exactly what you re doing. Sheriff what seems to be the trouble boys mob Leader we caught this Varmint Palpa tiny out at Jess of opera a place voices in mob yeah he a a pal Pator sheriff but that a a perfectly legitimate veterinary procedure. Mob Leader he was palpate in a Bull. Sheriff string him tip. Voices in mob lets palpate him first meanwhile out in Pinedale wyo., we have a situation involving artists painting on cows you May have heard about this. Three artists got a $4,000 Grant some of which came from the Federal government to paint words from a Pioneer woman s diary on the sides of live cows. I am not making this up. The idea was that the cows with the words on their sides would wander around and poop on sym Bolic representations of . Taxpayers. No seriously the idea As explained by one of the artists was that the wandering cows would scramble the words so As to a create a new i think this is a terrific idea and i believe that the government should seriously consider using wandering painted cows to generate the instructions for filling out Federal tax forms. I bet cows would do a much better Job than whoever is doing this now my guess is hamsters. Speaking of government action it is clearly time to do something about a it a. A cow part spills in Marietta Ohio i have Here several issues of the Marietta times sent to me by an Alert Reader named Sheri Fleegle really these issues contain a series of front Page stories a with Large headlines such As dumped on again and new spill no joke con coming an epidemic of trucks spilling loads of cow parts onto the highways in and around Marietta there Are Large vivid color photographs including one with a caption that says a Street superintendent Richard a Moose Mayer removes cow parts from Washington Street Quot and another one captioned simply a a cow Heads and feet along Muski Ngum this one is directly Over a headline that says Clinton works on his image in a strongly worded editorial the times came out foursquare against cow parts on the Road and stated a a it a time for i could not agree More. I say the people who Are doing this should be arrested and thrown into prison unless of it urse it turns out that they Are artists in which Case i say they should be Given Federal Grants. But the important thing is that something must be done if we Are to maintain our Quality of life in this great nation a nation in which All people regardless of religious beliefs or ethnic background have the absolute and fundamental right to question their de workers. A a _ the Miami Herald. Sunday december 5. 1993
