European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 23, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners How should a gentleman react when a woman wears a to shirt with a message while waiting for a train i saw a to shirt positively Laden with information. It was difficult to read partly because it was in French and partly because of the natural undulation of the background. However after several passes to and fro i was Able to translate it As a philosopher s View on the nature of happiness. On an earlier occasion i remember seeing the entire oath of Hippocrates in the orig Inal greek similarly displayed. As a Young Man i came to understand that it was impolite to stare at a woman s bosom however attractively it might be displayed. But should one presume that the wearers mean these messages to be read gentle readers miss manners is pleased to hear that you find opportunities to further your Edu cation. The to shirts in your Vicinity seem to be More High minded than those in miss manners. On the other hand you seem to be less skilled than miss manners less motivated at glancing without staring. Admittedly carrying around written material seems to constitute an invitation to read. But person Al adoration is not an excuse for fixing one s Atten Tion on a stranger for prolonged periods even if one is a slow Reader. Dear miss manners someone we Are not close to the brother of a Friend s wife invited my Fiance and me to his wedding. But As he had printed Only 100 invitations and we happened to be the 101st invitees he decided to Call us instead of taking the time to hand write an official notice. He said that i could bring my 7-year-old daughter but that she and i must share a plate because each plate was costing him $25. The Groom has a child and so do Many other guests and none of them has to share a plate we checked. I am offended and do not wish to attend or even to Send a gift. Gentle Reader at the risk of sounding quaint miss manners would like to remind everyone in this situation Why wedding guests exist at All Why those getting married invite others to attend and Why those others might want to do so. All of you who think you know the reason Are " wrong. It is not a business transaction by which pre sents arc traded for meals. Barton Uxer rage England they make me feel  it is supposed to be an emotionally momentous occasion on which those being married want people they care about Tobe present and those who care about them want to be present. Miss manners sees no signs of such sentiments by anyone involved in the situation you describe. So from a purely business Point of View it would be More sensible for you to take your daughter out to dinner using the Money you might otherwise have spent on a present and for the bridegroom to use the Money he saved from your meal to buy himself a present. Dear miss manners i have been informed by friends that you do not Wear your wedding ring on your left hand As i am still doing when your spouse Dies. My husband passed away nine years ago. Is this a hard and fast Rule or does it depend on what the individual wants to do gentle Reader there is a hard and fast Rule against etiquette less busybodies harassing widows and miss manners is appalled at How often it is Bro Ken v have these friends gotten around yet to telling you that you can t use his name anymore either but have to use  with your own first name that is no More True than what they told you about your wedding ring. A widow changes neither her rings nor her name unless she decides to do so for reasons that May or May not include signalling her social availability. But these should never include trying to please people whose ignorance of etiquette is As evident from their behaviour As from their advice. " v dear miss manners my sister dates a Man who asks her what she would like to eat in a restau rant and then when the waiter approaches he or Ders for them both. I say this is an arcane impractical custom. Women have a voice now i say use it she thinks it is the height of Good manners. Gentle Reader arcane this practice certainly is. So much so that those who follow it miss Man ners no less than your sister Are Apt to baffle the waiters involved. Sometimes these waiters come around especially to Check with the lady As if to be sure that she did Delegate the authority to the gentleman and will not end up suing the restaurant. As they Are aware More people Are concerned now with being heard than with being gracious. Miss manners does not Admire this Choice. The practice you condemn is not so much directed at distinguishing ladies from gentlemen As guests from hosts. A lady who is taking people out to dinner would deliver their orders whether they Are gentlemen or other ladies. It is an Honor rather than an indignity As you suppose to be treated As a guest. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428. Cleveland. Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Tomaschoff Dusseldorf Germany 1994, cartoonists i writers Syndicate the Long and shorts of Aba attire Erm Bombeck Heri you re watching the National basketball association in action you re not supposed to think about this but who designs their uniforms their mothers Here Are these hunks with Muscles Arnold Schwarzenegger has t even found yet doing impossible things with a basketball running up and Down the floor in baggy shorts that end at the Knees and accentuate their Sparrow legs. Ten years ago kids would have left Home for less. When our first son was born i bought him a pair of shorts size 12, and said you la grow into  by the time they began to feel Good and look like they belonged to him they were passed Down to his younger brother who had another four years to grow into them. Both kids went through their childhood looking like winos. If their shoulder seams did t end at the elbows they were wearing the wrong shirt. While watching a game the other night i observed that the More material that goes into a basketball player s uniform the less that goes into the outfits worn by the. Dance line and the cheerleaders. A 7 foot Center will have possibly seven Yards of material covering his body. A dancer is Down to two pieces of liquid spandex that have been painted on. Basketball uniforms Are the Lawrence Welk of sports attire. Could you see a football player wearing gathers and elastic that an opponent could grab could you imagine a luge Driver picking up a wind in a pair of baggy pants and being carried airborne to the finish line and who would even watch track events if Jackie Joyner Kersee wore Long shorts i m telling the Aba As a Mother if you sign up a Guy who has staying Power and looks like he s going to be with the league for a while go crazy buy him a uniform that looks like it fits. Universal press Syndicate no kidding. Actors and writers in the military 1. Steve Mcqueen went awol with marines 2. Ralph Waldo Emerson in War of 1812, age 9 3. Tab Hunter in coast guard age 15 4. Edgar Allan Poe enlisted As Edgar Perry 5. . Salinger part of a Day invasion 6. Tom mix army deserter world features Syndicate important dates for your 1994 Calendar 1. Feb. 7 National hangover awareness Day 2. July 3 compliment your Mirror Day 3. July 22 rat catchers Day 4. Oct. 12 International moment of frustration scream Day. 5. Nov. 19 have a bad Day Day Don t forget that february is return shopping carts month Chase s annual events 1994 Page 10 sunday january 23, 1994