European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 23, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Trudging through a downpour of modifying nouns James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art he topic today is tricks of style. These Arete devices that experienced writers put to effective use in order to add clarity or Ca Dence to their prose. Good writers shun the use of nouns a modifiers. Let us Pray Over some horrid examples. The new York times carried a Story last month on the november to ratings. The scoreboard shows lbs winning numbers but Abc with most of the style  the Wall Street journal reported on the budget for defense. The Pentagon said its spending could be reduced below the president s request without re sorting to substantially deeper personnel  smithsonian Magazine recalled when Rubens won the energetic support of Antwerp s leading Art  those examples probably should not be called horrid examples for there s nothing grievously wrong with any of them. But note How easily a rough Edge May be sanded smooth the scoreboard shows lbs winning numbers but Abc with most of the Points for  the Pentagon pledged to reduce its budget without resorting to substantially deeper cuts in  Rubens won the support of ant Werp s leading patrons of  in each instance the wrinkles could be ironed out of the sentence simply by substituting a prepositional phrase for the modifying noun. The device won t work All the time. Sometimes such editing is need less we Don t need to speak of a crossing for Deer instead of a Deer crossing. Proper parallelism is More a Rule of grammar than a trick of style consider these examples from the Atlanta journal and Constitution the spacecraft s instruments were used to Analyse the Earth s atmosphere and constructing a geological map of much of the Moon s  from a director of the improved Reading Institute bad writing is difficult to read understand and turns us  indeed it does. From Usa today Maddox was burned Only by Barry Bonds who was 4-for-4, including a Home run stole two bases scored twice and made a great /catch.". V the Story about the spacecraft heeded a second infinitive to Analyse and to construct. The sentence about bad writing should have been recast altogether. Proper parallelism would have credited Bonds with a Home run two stolen bases two runs scored and a great catch the elements of a parallel strut Ture should be lined up like 2-by-4 studs All infinitives All participles All nouns and so on. A third device is known to Good editors As notional  it is known to Prissy Gramma rians As Plain error. The device puts a higher value on Clear meaning than on pure form. Thus it sensibly approves singular verbs for apparently plural nouns politics is a body Contact  is what an editor says it is the device often works in re. Driving Home a parallel Point with Barry Bonds. Verse when a singular noun takes a plural reference to some people a Bridge tournament is deadly Dull but Bridge lovers find them  i stumbled Over this sentence in Roll Call forty years of minority status has taken its toll on the re publican  some editors insist that in such a construction forty years should be treated As a de fined Block of time As such it takes a singular verb. In the name of smoothness let me commend the doctrine of notional agreement to you. Substance May not beat form every time but often it improves readability. Thus forty years of minority status have taken.,.-." often the difference Between Good writing and better writing lies in the number of infinitesimal hesitations we impose on our readers. Give pm a break Universal press Syndicate violence in ice skating Tony Kornheiser you be heard How life imitates Art. We Reway past that now. Now life is imitating Lite Beer  a group of people gathered around a television set watching ladies figure skating. The Waltz of the sugar Plum fairies is playing in the background. The Lovely Nancy Ker Rigan is skating languidly. I m sick of figure skating some Guy yells out. I want to see mob hit men no there s too much violence answers one of the women. Figure skating mob hit men one of the Guys gets up and shouts we can watch both he slams his Lite Beer on top of the to and Sud Denly you see Nancy Kerrigan being chased All Over the ice by Tonya Harding s sumo bodyguard whack ing at her Kneecaps with a tire Iron. Everybody cheers As Kerrigan skates furiously for the exit leaping and twirling trying to avoid the blows. An announcer is heard saying and there goes Nancy skating for her life watch closely now As she attempts a difficult combination a triple Axel into a sit spin and of my she s landed badly As Tonya Harding s husband caught her flush on the ankle with a baseball Bat. And now they re descend ing on her like a baby Seal this could get ugly the people sit there transfixed. Great Beer one says in admiration. I know we live in a violent world. And i Don t want to be hopelessly naive but i honestly thought that the last place on Earth you d find a hired hit Man was in ladies figure skating. What s next full Contact chess the wily challenger Anatoly Karpov has just stunned the Champion Kasparov with a deft Ruy Lopez gambit and the Champion appears to be. Yes he s reaching for a  this is How you make the olympic team by knee capping your Competition that s some prize catch of a husband or sex husband or quasi Hus band she s got the mellifluous in named Jeffrey Gil lowly. What music is Tonya going to skate to in Lille Hammer the theme from Good fellas boy is Tonya Harding a change from our usual demure ice Queens like the elegant Peggy Fleming and that Perky wedge head Dorothy Hamill. This one s a smoke blowing Pool playing hot rodder. Proposed theme song truck Stop  t you shake your Booty by the Light Othel Isleham Mer Moon for me you know of course that the skaters usually room together at the olympics. Do you think Nancy Kerri Gan would feel comfortable in her jimmies with Tonya and of drool Gillooly she d never dose her eyes. Speaking about being afraid to close your eyes the bobbins Are getting tiresome Aren t they we be pretty much figured them out by now Madame Defarge meets the mad Monk Rasputin. The Only question remaining is How do you gravely re port a Hung jury no much More interesting is the news from arca Dia fla., just in on the wires. I m talking about 23 year old Bill Sconyers who Cut off his own Well i think you know where we re going Here. He Cut it off with an electric saw. Yes an electric saw. Fine i la wait for you to Stop screaming sir and he told the reporters the next Day simply i always wanted to be a  could t you Start out with something simpler like eyeshadow for heaven s Sake people if you re having a bad hair Day stay away from Power tools the level of violence and madness is approaching an All time High. That s Why i m so glad responsible authorities Are asking people to turn in their guns. Some cities Are giving shoes for guns and concert tickets for guns and toys for guns. I love the idea of toys for  do you think some gun toting 14 year old would Trade in his ak-47 for say a bum ble Ball if this catches on i m sure Well see frequent flier Miles for guns and liposuction for guns and Many other things that would interest the up scale gun consumer. A Catalon perhaps. My guess is that the Best Way to lure people into giving up their guns is to offer drugs for  in t that Why most of them have guns former heavyweight Champion Riddick Bowe has offered $100 for every gun turned in. Has anyone bothered to think this through for More than a second and a half guns Cost More than $100. Riddick is making you la excuse the expression a killing he s Angling to become an International arms merchant. Q. I wonder what actually happens to the guns that Are turned in a. The guns will be beaten into Plo shares an then there will be a Plo share glut and Plo share manufacturers will be forced to Lay off workers and. Those workers will commit violent crimes with their Plo shares you will read about a Texas Plo share massacre and eventually someone will get the Brilliant idea to offer guns  the Washington Post Page 24 sunday january 23, 1994