European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 8, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners my Best Friend was one of a 5 percent minority who objected to a decision that was made by an organization of which my hns band and i Are also members. She was incensed that we did not share her views and she unsuccessfully campaigned to Force the governing Board to resign. She now refuses to speak to me. I had tried to acc a Oncil our differences both in person and by letter but she adamantly refused to consider an opinion that differed from her own. She turns her Back whenever she sees me if she possibly can. When i approach a group where she is standing and Exchange pleasantries with others she. Stares through me As though i did no to exist. If i and. Dress her by Nate she ignores me. This is embarrassing not Only to me but also to those who observe her behaviour. It is impossible for me to add her completely. We have Many Mutual friends and share Many social and Community activities. What is the  someone won t return your greeting do i continue to speak to the Wall or do i ignore her presence when i Greet others i do not wish to be perceived As refusing to speak to her. Frankly i thought this behaviour existed Only in third rate novels but i assure you this is real life. Gentle Reader miss manners Hopes your Friend is not planning a career in politics. Holding Public grudges is just about the worst possible Way to go about persuading anyone to be on your Side no matter what their views. Even people who agree on an Issue have been known to shun the Side of someone who employs such tactics. You therefore want to make sure that it is not thought that you behave that Way. If you also cease speaking people will soon forget who started the. Feud and assume that you arc equally guilty. It would be within the realm of correctness to cease to speak to someone who has behaved Rilely toward you but miss manners does not advise it. Try to make a Point of greeting her by name whether or not she replies. If there Are awkward silences you can say gently a a in a so sorry you re still angry that i disagreed with you on the zoning  dear miss manners at a family gathering my husband and i who Are vegetarians must once again endure relatives who lecture interrogate and plead with us to have a bit of meat or Gravy. We became vegetarians for ethical reasons. It is not simply a Quot diet that we can a cheat  the same people who would never dream of asking a jewish Friend to eat a piece of Ham a for a special occasion will pressure vegetarian guests to try a just a bite of the easter Ham. We Are constantly pressured a to be polite a because mom worked All Day in the Kitchen. When guests stay in a vegetarian Home they often ask the Host to prepare them some meat although they would never ask a Catholic Host to prepare a Steak during Lent. We do not allow meat in our Home but we have had a weekend House guest insist on bringing meat so he could have Bacon and eggs for breakfast and cold cuts for lunch people who interrogate us about our diets would never quiz an overweight Friend. In other words people act As though our diet is an affectation rather than a moral Choice. We Are endlessly questioned by Colvor Kors Imd clients when we go out for lunch. The questions Are. Often crude and Silty. 1 do try to be gracious but i am forever forced to be on the defensive. Help gentle Reader not that she is on the defensive herself but it worries miss manners when people suggest examples of Rud Nesses that no one would dream of committing. ,. Of yes they would. People constantly Harangue. Those they consider to be overweight. And if they Haven to yet practice the other Rud Nesses you use for comparison its Only because they Haven t thought of it. Lets Hope you did no to Plant the idea in any Case this is a Good time to learn passive defensiveness. The key is denying them the Opportunity to Start an argument. Just keep saying a no thank you a no matter How much wheedling they do. It is perfectly polite but with repetition a however much is necessary to answer each Little affront a it can Wear people Down a ooh come on just one  a no thank  a once wont Hurt  no thank  a Why can t you try some just this once a a no thank  a but mom worked All  a a a no thank you.�?�. A never mind that this statement does not always answer the argument put Forth. It is your object to. Discourage them from questioning your beliefs and practices and an unrelieved dose of automatic politeness eventually gives people the idea that they Are making no Progress a United feature Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions it in Black or Blue Black Ink on while writing paper to miss manners. . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428, the Quill shortage prevents miss manners trom answering questions except through Thi amp column a ju5p. Basel Switzerland Quot none of my six wives understood me. The Best place to get Erma Bombeck i fucked away Between a Kinney s shoes orc. And a Cir Mabon bakery in the worlds largest mall in Bloomington minn., is a Chapel of love. For $275, you can buy an hour of wedding consultation use of the bridal dressing room and a Chapel with taped Nusic. The consultation incidentally is held in a Rosebud papered room with a Walls of items for Sale such As sequin and lace sneak ers and silk bouquets. A tape of greatest moments from All my children weddings is flashed on the Var the Chapel accepts Mastercard visa and american express. A in be written before about this mall at a Cost of $625 million it covers 4.2 million Square feet. There Are 14 movie screens six supper clubs a seven acre knotty a Berry farm a 7 j-f6ot-High roller coaster and 400 specially stores /. It was inevitable that a Chapel would emerge As an attraction for one Stop shoppers couples contemplating marriage Are looking for options to Large Church weddings that Drain the Bud get yet have a Little More warmth than civil ceremonies. At the Chapel of love newlyweds can Toast their future with a pair of love mugs at $19,95 a pop. And have a wedding breakfast at Camp snoopy followed by a roller coaster  going on their honeymoon they can claim the kids his and hers at the Malje a video game Center. Throwing a wedding is one of the most personal things you will Ever do. Its your show. If you want to Exchange vows in a free fall from an air plane or make bubbles from the Bottom of the Ocean floor you Are just As married As if you have 15 bridesmaids at St. Patrick a Cathedral followed by 400 pounds of shrimp 50 tins of caviar 20 cases of Champagne and a sit Down dinner at the Waldorf Astoria. Actually the malls Chapel of love Isnit such a bad idea. The Only drawback i can see is a brides biological clock running out while she tries to find a parking spot. A i a a a a a Universal press Syndicate no kidding what 6 charities receive every Day 1. American red Cross a $4.3 million per Day 2. Salvation army $3,8 million per Day 3. Planned parenthood a $1.2 million per Day 4. National Audubon society $110,000 per Day. A  a a a a a a a a 5. Billy Graham association a $231,000 per Day. A a a. A a a a 6. Special olympics a $296,000 per Day a a a nonprofit times. Advances paid to 5 authors 1. Norman Mailer a $5 million for 4 novels. 2. James Clavell a $5 million for whirlwind. 3. Gail Sheehy a $1 million for pathfinders 4. Judith Krantz $2.2 million for mistral a. 5. Stephen King a $8.25 million for untitled novel Scort Meredith literary Agency inc. A a sunday May 8. 1994