European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 22, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Turned off by the loudest of music Dave Barry Quot v 1 econ try several Alert readers sent me a j news item from the Houston chronicle that struck a responsive chord in the j upright piano of my brain. The item be gins As follows a a san Antonio a Man fed up with the repetitive strains of pop goes the weasel from an ice Cream truck attacked the hapless 67-year-old Driver with an ice Cream Cone and a Pickle Jar police Here we have yet another argument for a Manda Lory five Day a Cooling off period on the Purchase of it ice Cream. Because in this Day and age there is no excuse for this kind of violent incident. Just because a Driver is operating a truck that repeatedly blares an annoying song Over a Loudspeaker in a Public place that does not mean that we should attack him with Dairy products and condiment containers. We should use nuclear weapons. A forgive me for sounding hostile but i am getting sick and tired of loud intrusive music in Public. It is everywhere. All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports Are riddled with Low Fidelity loudspeakers which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these Are All connected to a special program Ming service called music that nobody really likes and you cannot get away from it. For example recently i was in a shopping mall restroom and suddenly without warning the speaker blared out the inexplicable 1963 hit song Dominique by the shrieking nun. Listen or. Or is. Shopping mall manager i speak for when i say that when i am in your restroom i am not in there to listen a to a nun. V. A a a. A Quot a likewise or. Or is. Airport manager i done to go to your Airport to listen to music. I go there for the same reason As millions of other business travellers which is to be hassled by religious loons and find out that my flight has been cancelled. And As for you or. Or is. Restaurant owner i done to mind if while in a eating there san actual musician somewhere in the background tinkling softly on a piano. True Story Many years ago i was at a party where a person named Walter actually did tin Kle on the piano. But that is not germane to this discussion but Why do restaurants play music so loud that people cannot communicate waitress shouting Good evening. My name is Bettye. Customer does that come with Clam sauce and its just As bad when you go outside. One afternoon i was at a Beach along with hundreds of other people All of us enjoying a pleasant afternoon listening to the barely audible a Ping Quot of solar rays ricocheting off of our no. 4.7 million Sun Block when some Young men arrived with a Boombox the size of my first House and of course it was playing music by Todd tuneless and his sounds of ugly and of course it was turned up so loud that the Atlantic Ocean started going backward with Waves Rushing out to sea to get away from the noise. You could see that a lot of the people on the Beach were annoyed but nobody dared to say anything. It was like a Western movie when outlaws ride into a Small town and use their six guns to make the terrified townsfolk listen to stupid music. Finally i had had enough i am not ordinarily a courageous person but i stood up brushed the Sand off my butt and decided that no matter what the Persona risk i was eventually going to write a newspaper column on this topic. V. A a that would have been a perfect situation for an invention conceived of by my dentist Stanley Krug Man. Stanley is always having ideas. Hell be peering into a patients Mouth trying to figure out if he can cram any More dental appliances in there or maybe even a this is what dentists do for fun a slip in a Harmonica or a Zucchini and suddenly hell have an idea and hell instruct the patient to rinse while he Calls me up to Tell me about it. This particular idea involves a Small but powerful transmitter that you a carry around. When a person started playing a loud Boombox in , or drove up in a car with one of those sound systems emitting Bass notes so powerful that they cause big cracks to open up in the Road you a simply press a Button and the transmitter would Send out a signal and the persons head would explode. No that would be wrong. Innocent people could be Hurt by the shrapnel. Stanley a actual idea is that the signal would cause the Boombox to Emit annoying Static. There a always the danger that the kind of people who play loud ugly music in Public would like annoying Static maybe it would be better if. The signal caused the Boombox to play pop goes he weasel. Anyway somebody should make a transmitter like this and Send me one. It should also have a feature whereby when you re driving you could Point it at a car in front of you and press a Button that would cause the cards radio even if it were turned off to shout at the Driver in Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf voice a if you re going to drive 38 Miles per hour get the hell out of the passing Lane you also it should be Able to make neighbourhood dogs shut up. A a a a a a. Also the . Congress. You can rinse now. A a. Miami Herald a a a a. �-\0n Semi Iii by vol a Avn Fer i amp a two. Mim of v Hwy up cn4� of
