European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 12, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                I. T Page 28 a drifts Case gave Barry Loday i want to bring you up to Date on National health care. I happen to know quite a bit about this because i had lunch recently with Hillary Rodham Clinton although she was probably unaware of this fact because the room also contained several thousand newspaper executives belonging to the newspaper association of America motto a a keeping you accurately . It was one of those mass banquet luncheons where squadrons of waiters come swooping out of the Kitchen carrying trays stacked High with plates protected by steel covers which they whisk off at your table to reveal to your astonishment and Delight Chicken. The reason you always get Chicken at these affairs is the Federal interstate Chicken transport system fact which was built during the Eisenhower administration to ensure that the nation would still be Able to hold banquet luncheons after a nuclear War. All major hotels Are connected via a vast underground network of pneumatic tubes to huge Chicken factories in Delaware and Arkansas where thousands of Chicken parts per second . Are fed into the tubes under extremely High pressure. These parts sometimes travel thousands of Miles before blasting out into hotel kitchens All Over the nation where workers frantically convert them into banquet meals to make room for new incoming Chicken which arrives constantly. There is no Way to Stop it this is a Federal program each year hundreds of Kitchen workers Are injured by Chicken breasts travelling at upward of 400 Miles per hour. This is yet another reason Why we need to be concerned about health care. So i was so eager to hear mrs. Clinton a speech before the american newspaper association lunch con. It was great. She kept the crowd in stitches with a series of hilarious health care jokes such As the one about the Guy who goes to see the doctor because he keeps finding turtles in his undershirts. No i am kidding. Mrs Clinton did not Tell jokes. I have heard funeral speeches with a higher humor Content. Mrs. Clinton is very serious about health care. She knows tons of facts about it i can Tell she a the kind of person who in sixth Grade had her science fair project done Early and it featured elaborate neatly lettered color diagrams and a meticulously executed Experiment involving test tubes and pct i dishes clearly demonstrating some Complex scientific thing involving enzymes whereas people like me showed up with last minute projects featuring Dixie cups and a hastily scribbled cardboard sign with a title like a three kinds of  so i tried to pay close attention As mrs. Clinton discussed the administrations health care plan i would say she a in favor of it. In a afraid i can to offer much More detail because health care is one of those issues r another one is the Bond Market a that my brain refuses to think about. A pay attention a id Tell my brain. A the first lady is explaining health care a rut my brain would Drift off pursuing its own interests trying to remember the words to the Beach boys 1963 song our car club which never gets played on the radio and for Good reason mrs. Clinton would be talking about the administrative expenses of medicare and my brain would be singing Quot Well have the roughest and the toughest initiation we can  then mrs. Clinton would be talking about the inequities of drug pricing and my brain would be singing. A a Quot and if you Wanna be a member Well really put you through the grind a. Its a Good thing in a not in charge of National health care. I can to understand my own medical Bills. Last Spring my son suffered injuries requiring medical treatment and Ever since in be been receiving incomprehensible Bills from dozens of random medical computers. In a pretty sure that in a now paying for medical care Given to people injured in the Hinden Burg disaster. There a no Way to Tell because the Bills All look like this a with reference to the above referenced account your 73 percent deductible differential has not been satisfied with respect to your accrual parameter and therefore you Are obligated to remit $357.16 no make that $521.67 Here Are some More random amounts $756.12, $726.56 and $3,928,958.12 Bear in mind that we would enjoy nothing More than seeing your Pale Skinny body in  this is a True Story a while Back out of the Blue i started receiving threatening letters from a collection Agency representing a Hospital demanding $101.76, so i sent the Agency a Check. Last week on the same Day i received a a letter from the collection Agency returning my Check with a note stating that i did not owe the Money and b a new threatening letter from the same Agency demanding $101.76. In a thinking that the Only Way out of this might be the Federal witness Protection program. Of course in a sure medical care will become much simpler and More efficient once its being handled by the Federal government motto a we Are not authorized to Tell you our motto. In a hoping that mrs. Clinton and Congress work out some kind of plan soon and pm hoping it covers routine doctor visits. Because 1 need to see somebody about these turtles. A Miami Herald. To by sunday june 12, 1994