European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 25, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds & ends miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners i swim daily at a univer sity Pool where several of the City High school swim teams practice. They often have their swim meets in their half of the Pool while i and others swimmers continue our recreational swimming in our end. So what s the problem Well they always begin the meets by playing the National Anthem which i can definitely hear As i swim. I la Stop swimming and tread water feeling somewhat foolish because not All the swimmers Stop though earplugs May be the Rea son for their indifference. Treading water while the National Anthem plays to finality makes one feel Odd though i realize it should to i la be holding my breath while awaiting your reply. /.  " /  gentle Reader please please please Stop holding your breath. Etiquette does not require you sacrifice your life. If it did you would have to hold your hand Over your heart and sink while treading water to the National Anthem. I to any Case the etiquette of patriotism distinguishes Between a live rendition of the National an them when one should show respect by standing at attention and a recording for which this not re /quired.-".  / a if the High school band is actually playing at Pool Side. Miss manners recommends that you scramble out of the water before attempting to stand at Atten  -.-.-. / /.  "  dear miss manners since i serve iced Tea unsweetened is there any use for the Lovely iced Tea spoons i inherited from my great grandmother i Don t like sugared Tea but i do like the spoons. Of you use the spoons at the dinner table what do you do with them placing them on the Tablecloth would cause a mess and my iced Tea glasses Large goblets actually Don t have a plate to rest on. Do i rest the spoon on the dinner plate somehow what would guests do with the Drippy spoons if i served them iced Tea in the family room i suspect there is a gracious iced Tea Tea ritual i am unacquainted with. Since great grandmother is gone and no one in my social Circle has yet inherited their iced Tea spoons you Are my Only Hope. Gentle Reader just a second. Miss manners is Busy eating the most luscious parfait and guess what she s eating it with Schwadron Usa Cui c m 1� to a up i. Lilt i 11 4 Kiewat she is also stalling because she wishes to consult your great grandmother who must have witnessed the invention of iced Tea and acquired some of the first iced Tea spoons. Iced Tea having been invented in America at the beginning of this Century your an Sestress May have even have had a say in the development of its rituals. The consultation is necessary because your great grandmother s contemporaries did t finish the Job. They suggested saucers for iced Tea glasses but failed to make them mandatory resulting in As you have guessed wet table clothes. And the solution proposed to make iced Tea an exception to the Rule against leaving spoons in drinks resulted in a lot of damaged noses. Miss manners suggests that you provide your guests with saucers. The polite person not Given one can Only prop the iced Tea spoon against whatever plate is available. Or you could bring your spoons and join miss manners in a Long layered dessert. Perhaps As you mentioned that you Don t like sweets you might offer her yours dear miss manners mrs1. Next door neigh Bor with whom we have always worked to have a civil relationship although vye do not often socialize is telling anyone who will listen How rude i was to have a Small dinner party on my husband s birthday and not invite her and her husband i do not believe this is fair. When they have Pool parties without inviting us we do not feel or behave similarly although we would not dream of having a backyard party without inviting them. Are we obligated to invite them to All Wiir parties when they do not invite us to All or even most of theirs " -. " gentle Reader Why should t you dream of having a backyard party without them it seems to miss manners that people who run around making Nasty comments would be awfully Good candidates for striking off a guest list. Not being allowed Ever to entertain without inviting certain guests no matter How close you May be with them is an outrageous concept smacking of the kindergarten notion of the inseparability of Best friends which always ends in tears. The Only required politeness is not to speak of  event to someone who has not been invited. But Thoss people Are also Honor bound if they should happen to find out about the party accidentally Vas neighbors can hardly help doing to pretend not to notice.  / come to think  would be an excellent policy with those neighbors of yours to pretend not to notice either their rudeness or their social expectations. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44105-3428. The Quill shortage prevents mass Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Just Basel Switzerland greasing the skids for tasty lard car . He Story about the woman who drove a 1984 Chevy Van called the lard car across the country fuelled by used French Fry Oil stirred All kinds of memories within me. Before they  lard closed your arteries i thought it was the most flavorful. Shortening around pie crust made from it was Light arid Flaky and my week was t Complete As a kid until we drove out to the processing Plant and got crackling wrapped in newspaper soaking with grease. Don t gasp and pass out they were the fore runner of George Bush s pork rinds during world War ii we were asked to save Pur Oil including Bacon fat and turn it in to the govern ment i have no idea what the government did with it maybe fed it to the enemy but we All did it to win the War. Today lard is a four letter word that is not used in front of the children or even on to. I have a Friend who still saves Bacon grease to make Popcorn and it s the Best stuff you Eyer put in your Mouth. What i really remember when i hear the word lard is my Grandfather who was probably one of the first to drive a Lar Mobile. Not having the Money for a can of car Wax my Grandfather substituted lard. The car shone like a Silver Dollar. As he and my grandmother were headed out to the country the late afternoon Sun melted the lard making it smell like a meat process ing Plant. The lard Slid slowly Down the fenders and eased Down the Windshield from the roof. As grandma s Elbow Slid off the door she snapped what did you use on this car when she discovered it was lard she could t believe what she had married. If grandma were alive today and read about the lard car she would say if the fool had put it in the tank instead of on the fenders he d have Diedrich .-.,. .-.,. Universal press Syndicate no kidding Surprise parties 1. Billy the kid buried in an army cemetery 2. Daniel Boone did t like Coonskin Caps 3. John Wilkes Booth s brother saved Lincoln soon 4. Eisenhower s parents were pacifists 5. President Zachary Taylor did t vote until age 62 6. Carrie nation s daughter died an alcoholic 7. Tough Guy George raft once a ballroom dancer world features Syndicate misleading names 1. Danish pastries not created in Denmark 2. Spanish Rice nor created Spain 3. Russian dressing unknown in Russia 4. English Horn developed in Europe 5. Bagpipes invented in Persia not Scotland 6. Turkish towels not invented in Turkey it s a weird world by Paul Stirling Hagerman Sterling pages sunday. September 25, 1994