European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 02, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss Mann is Judith Martin dear miss manners if you Are seated in a casual restaurant where the silverware is placed in front of you wrapped when is the proper moment to set up this silverware should you gently unwrap it immediately after placing your order or should you wait until the food has arrived at the table to uncool the silverware gentle Reader some Day miss manners will hear of a restaurant that offers service Between the extremes of requiring the patrons to do All the work and presuming they can do nothing for themselves at All and so having the waiters shake out their napkins and keep the conversation going. In the meantime she will be eating at Home where she sets the table with her own Little tender hands before the meal begins. So should you. Not eat at Home necessarily Brit set the table before the meat. Dear miss manners i have a Beautiful House that i m proud of. When people visit do i show them around i Don t want to sound As if i m showing off. Gentle readers when last miss manners checked suggesting that people take a special look at one s possessions out of Pride and in order to so licit admiration was the definition of showing off. But you asked for a Way of doing so without seeming. To show off. And miss manners is willing to be sympathetic about the pleasure in your Home that gives Rise to your wish. So she will suggest alternatives to announcing to guests just As they Are settling in for a drink that the House tour is leaving immediately. Overnight guests Are easy because you can say j let me show you around under the implied excuse that they need to know where things Are so they Don t get lost going Back from the bathroom at night. Taking dinner guests through your bedrooms is harder even though curiosity about How other  ple live is in fact common. The Best Way is to show off Only among Good friends and to be Frank about it i be done Over the bedroom and i m so thrilled with the Way it came out. Would you like to see it they can hardly say no but it is polite to sweeten this with words about their excellent taste and to reciprocate the interest. Next Best is mentioning some Point of interest Fol which you and your taste and Money Are obviously not responsible the House is quite old. Are you interested in old houses or since you re new in the neighbourhood you might want to see some of the in lettuce. Was Stevens Usa other houses. Yours is one we All  when All else fails you May pass this off As a foible of yours i m always so interested in the Dif Ferent ways people arrange their houses so i d be glad to show you around if anyone has a special in  should someone take you up on the offer miss manners cautions you to display modesty with such phrases As Well i enjoy running around finding things and we find it comfortable in response to compliments. Dear miss manners we did not celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year because of a death in the family. Would it be considered Good Eti Quette to celebrate on the Date next year gentle Reader of course you should have a Celebration for your anniversary next year Why not you can t expect any but your intimate friends to at tend an anniversary party More than once every Quarter of a Century or so but you Haven t had this one yet. Just do miss manners a favor and Call it your Slot. Otherwise your guests will spend the whole evening wondering whether it is you or they who have forgotten How to count. Dear miss manners a Friend business associate criticized me for saying it s Nice to meet you after being introduced to someone. The critic s Choice is i m glad to know  which response do you prefer gentle Reader you May take it As a Rule that people who go around criticizing other people s manners and no that does not include miss Man ners who always Waits politely until she is asked for her opinion have no better knowledge of other rules of etiquette than they do of the Rule prohibiting minding other people s business. Your Friend associate is no exception. The Rule is that one does not offer a personal assessment on credit before an acquaintanceship has begun. Thus the proper greeting is not any version of being pleased but a Neutral How do you do this can however be sweetened by attributing a compliment to someone in a position to know Annabelle Speaks so highly of you or of course we All know of your wonderful  dear miss manners a Friend of mine who has one child gives my two children gifts on their birthdays. I want to reciprocate with something of equal value but am confused. If she spends $10 on each child should i spend $10 on her child or $20? gentle Reader your Friend does not get a re fund for having fewer children than you. Where did the vulgar idea get around that reciprocity in social _ relationships should be counted strictly in financial terms perhaps one Day your Friend will have trip lets and you will be $20 behind. But the Friendship will still be even. _ United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette ii Estinos it Black or Blue blacking on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428,. Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. When uniforms Are really in step Erma Bombeck Stop complaining. I did t save any 0f those old comic books  this is an Era marked by primal screams Ferinden Lence. This desire to be differenthas4hpfested itself in clothes. Madonna gets or attention in a nuclear warhead Bra Michael Jackson wears flood pants and one spangled Glove and kids go to school Wear _ ing shorts bagging around the Knees a to shirt three sizes too big and hats on backward. To most people wearing weird clothes is a Way of getting noticed. That s Why when someone mentions wearing uni forms to school there is anarchy. No one has mourned the passing of uniforms More than me. A few years ago doctors went for the Laid Back look so they showed up for rounds wearing hikes and carrying a gym bag. I Don t want my doctor to look Laid Back. I want him to look like Louis Pasteur and Wear a White coat and glasses and maybe have his framed medical degree dangling around his neck telling me How he placed in his class. Naturally parents Are in favor of the uniform con. Cent. It s not Only cheaper but it also cuts Down on the hourly phone Calls to friends that sound like what arc you wearing mine s dirty. Pick some thing else. We can to look different. Call me  what if a fireman came to your House to put out a fire wearing bathing trunks and sandals or a police Man appeared at your door with his badge mounted on a to shirt that read so Many women so Little time and id sure hate to see a military Man guarding the Tomb of the unknown solder wearing cutoffs and a hawaiian shirt. _ uniforms Don t take away your individuality. They re just the packaging. Every four years when 1 see the olympians March around the Arena in uni forms i know that underneath a person will either take Home a Gold Silver or Bronze medal or maybe just a great memory. The Talent is within. The uni form just tells you where the Talent originated. Universal press Syndicate no kidding rejection slips 1. John Grisham 28 publishers rejected time to kill 2. William Golding 21 rejected lord of the flies 3. Pearl Buck 14 rejected the Good Earth 4. George Bernard Shaw first 5 novels rejected 5. Mary Higgins Clark 1st Short Story rejected 40 times celebrity setbacks by Edlu Era Prentice Hall 8 who were senior ass presidents 1. John Wayne 2. Bette mid err 3. Paula Abdul 4. Richard Widmark  6. Warren Beatty 7. Karl Maiden  yearbook edited by Carey Winfrey Dolphin books Page 10 sunday october 2, 1994