European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 2, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Leery about the reel Deal on fish signs Joe Bob Briggs goes to. The drive in Ever people who have fish welded to the Back of their cars its some Kinda Christian Deal. Nobody has explained it to me. Anyhow i saw a Rolls the other Day with a big Silver fish on it. I figure if you re Gonna Weld a fish to your car you better be a danged Good Christian. I mean if you re Gonna advertise you better Shell out a Little change when the homeless Guy shoves his cardboard magic Marker sign through your window and mumbles something psychotic. But this fish Christian in the Rolls acted like the homeless Guy was invisible. And then he was so anxious to get away from the Corner that he Cut me off. Normally it even bother me a cause i Cut people off All the time. In a the Champee Jerk Driver of the universe. But i asked a Friend what the fish is for and he said a i think its some Kinda secret Symbol that the christians use to communicate identify one another figure out who son the same i said a you mean All the christians Are trying to Cut us off in traffic it s like a plot a conspiracy the fish people stick together on this stuff a in be noticed the same thing when you get a business card with a fish on it. The Guys Gonna overcharge you and then act like you should take it _ because after All we re All christians Here right i done to Trust Mem. If anybody feels like he has to actually Weld holes in a piece of steel and put a giant billboard on the butt of his car he a just a Little bit too insecure for me. One Day he a Gonna forget the thing is Back there and pull out some automatic weapons in traffic you know what i mean in the meantime in be got an answer for those of us who fear the fish people. In a welding a steel Rod and reel to the Back of my truck. A cause after All there Are a few things fish Are Good for. Speaking of the great religions of the world this weeks movie is called the unearthing and it honors the ancient filipino cult of vampires who live in Rural Wisconsin and eat live fetuses. \ please revive the , and ill continue. R there a this really Rich Guy named null who lives in a mansion with his or copy wheezy old Mother and his crazy sister out in the shed and a filipino Jio Odoo midwife. And the Rich Guy goes into town Ever so often signs tha tract to adopt unborn babies and then makes up some Kinda lame Story so the pregnant girl will go out to the Woods with him Quot and pretend like she a his wife. Little does she know that he intends to feed her to mama who likes to suck blood out of human wrists and claw1 her Way up onto the roof and Start twitching until a 90-foot-Iong throbbing bloody muscle pools out of her Throat like a Garden Hose and snakes its Way into the bedroom where the pregnant girl is sleeping and Hooks up to the umbilical. Dysfunctional dining will have you tossing your cookies in the unearthing. You really done to Wanna know. In be seen a lot of disgusting stuff in my Day a a lot Quot of disgusting stuff a but this movie is Nasty gory Puky and Gross. You la need to clean your Var Heads after you watch it. My Kinda dead bodies. One dead dog. No breasts. Facial goo fest. Closeup bloodsucking. Throat piercing. to the forehead. Chainsaw attack. Neck ripping. Shrunken head fun. Umbilical fun. Hatchet fun. Drive in Academy award nomination for Mildred a in Arras As the creep la filipino woman who says a it cannot wait.�?�. Three stars. A a a Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over Canadian commune san the three screen Highway 400 drive inf near Woodbridge Ontario not Only stays in business a at 8 Bucks a person a but sometimes completely fills All 1,300 spaces. John Charles of Guelph reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob newspaper clipping from los Angeles times movie accused of Vampire like attack a a Man has been accused of slashing his Girlfriend with a broken Beer bottle and trying to suck her blood after he saw a Vampire movie. Stephen j. Wilhelm 35, of St. Francis wis., was charged with reckless endangerment while armed in the alleged attack on Katherine w. Zielski 30, on new year s comments David it Terri Ostovich Granada Hills Calif. Dear David amp Terri it Wasny to so much the blood sucking that made Katherine mad. It was that he never called the next Day. V a a a a deaf sir in every one of your views on turks and stir key in a recent column you re Way but of line. U since your column is syndicated one would think that perhaps you did t take advantage of the research facilities of the Quot Syndicate who could have Given you a completely different picture about Turkey. Although we have big economic difficulties we re not anywhere near like you imagine us. Just to give an example every year almost 1 million High school graduates compete in University admin _ Sion exams. Id like to say that if you were writing columns in Turkey like the one you wrote for creators Syndicate you would lose your Job instantly and would be a very poor by the Way its the first time in a writing a letter to show my reaction to someone who is so prejudiced a about turks and Turkey and . Govern ment service of almost 40 years carry on Man you la get somewhere. After All you even got me riled up. A a a a Ali on gun _ Ankara Turkev dear Ali. I believe you when you say id get fired or censored for writing my column in Tui key. Id get fired or censored in almost any country in the world except America where the tradition of making fun of everybody and everything is not yet dead. 1. In be been to Turkey. If you think the jokes i make about turks Are bad you ought to listen to the things turks say about americans. And they Are not joking. A creators Syndicate \ \ Carters Plain. Methods work the world Over Linda Ellerbee to discuss the meaning of life Witta Joe Bob or to get free junk in the mail Ard Joe Bob s world famous newsletter. Vr., Joe Bob Briggs p c. Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe boo s 214 368-2310. Joe Bob s Compuserve address 76702,1435. P craps by the time you read this the arrogant Young know it alls among Bill Clinton a aides will have tired of their Little Nursery game of sniping at Jimmy Carter. Frankly they make me sick. Remember when Carter went to Korea remember How they called him a Loose Cannon or worse remember How Carter came Home with the Deal Clinton wanted and Clinton did t even bother to Sec him at least. This time Clinton had the Grace to invite Carter to visit him in the White House. Since Carter left office a no since we threw him out of office a the Man has continually gone there and Back again for this country negotiating to get Korea to stand Down on its nuclear weapons buildup negotiating to get Esdras out of office in 1 o it negotiating on behalf of the exiled Moskito indians in Nicaragua pointing out election fraud in Panama consulting in the Middle East negotiations motor ing elections in Central America the dominican re Public Zambia and elsewhere mediating Between the ethiopian government and the eritrean rebels building Homes Tor the homeless All across the United states and sprinkling literally sprinkling seeds in the Fields of Africa. Spreading democracy Jimmy Carter the Johnny Appleseed of former presidents. His Good works have forced us to reappraise if not the Carter presidency then president Carter Why is this Man so much better at the Job now that he does no to have it it has to do with conscience and religion.cam-, science is generally thought to be the perfect inter Preter of life but conscience and politics do m d go together like Well like love and marriage used 10. And religion and politics arc even less of a Mak h made you should Pardon the expression in heaven. A politician who tries to do unto others As he would have others do unto him usually finds others doing All Over him. But what Jimmy Carter has been Able to accomplish out of office is something he could never do while he was president put his religion into effect to practice what he preaches. What worked in Haiti was Faith and patience. A what came through there and elsewhere a said William Quandt a former Carter aide a is that he is someone who believes there Are solutions if t hey work hard at i know. Some of you Are saying it was the fall the planes were on the Way and not Jimmy cartels words that resolved the crisis in Haiti. I disa Gaic it Watt a combination of the planes and Carters persistence. Actually if we Are to believe Carter the imminent arrival of the planes Ai most que ered the whole Deal Faith and patience. Christian Virtues. Sunday school stuff. That a Why we like him As an sex Percsi Dent. Its also Why we did no to like him As president what we wanted in a president Back then a what we probably want now a is somebody like Ronald Reagan Tho in these matters always took his cues More from Clint Eastwood than Jimmy Stewart _ after All remember that Carter opposed both the invasion and the embargo of Haiti and said so. I t is a Christian attitude but not a terribly political one. In the meantime the Pilgrim from Plains progresses. And so it goes. King features Syndicate october 2.1994 sunday Page Ltd
