European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 13, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Missman Krs jul Fth Martin dear miss manner i spent a few years in a relationship with a Man with Many unconventional idiosyncrasies he was noncommittal yet desired me exclusively while we dated he did t give me Flowers because he thinks they re a contrived expression of affection encouraged by the Media and he enjoyed vacationing and dining with his platonic woman friends out of my company being a liberated and secure person in general chose to go along with these things. One particular conversation revolved around cheerful suggestion on my part that he treat me to dinner once in a while since i had cooked rather expensive meals for him four nights out of the week every week for years. I also paid for my share each time we dined out. His matter of fact response was that he consid ered his presence alone and the half hour drive to my House with the inevitable Wear and tear on his vehicle gratitude enough. Was i out of order to ask for reciprocation gentle readers and people accuse victorians of using euphemisms to avoid facing the real world Here you Are in thoroughly modern style describing Boorish Ness As an idiosyncrasy blatant insults As the possible fulfilment of a guest s obligation to reciprocate and the willingness to tolerate it As liberation and Security. Miss manners Only Hope is that you seem to refer to this person As being in your past. Try As she will to believe in the salvation of souls this sounds like to hard a Case. Dear miss manners my husband and i at tended a wedding reception for his Secretary who had informed everyone that the wedding took place the month before in another state she returned from her wedding trip with photographs of the out Side of the Church and a Small reception. During the local reception wedding cake was served photographs were taken and wedding gifts were Given. Later she was dismissed from her position. In thelast few weeks a Domestic dispute involving the Cou ple uncovered the fact that they had never  wedding reception was a Complete fraud. What if anything should former associates and friends say to this woman and her husband about this act of deception also should t they return the gifts that were Given under false pretences gentle Reader just a minute Here. Your Hus band employed a Secretary who used her supposedly private life to perpetrate a fraud Complete with phony photographic evidence and who also did something in her professional life that was bad enough to get her fired and you want to attack her on the basis of a minor Point of etiquette and ask miss manners to Lead the charge Well Why not but it is an unusual Case and she is having trouble finding precedent. The Rule that wedding presents must be returned in Case of a Bro Ken engagement do not quite fit. Nor do the ones involving no marital Church blessings of unions in which everyone there understands the situation. She has had to go All the Way Back to mock marriages in the Days when cads arranged false ceremonies for the purpose of deluding ladies into believing that they were legally married and behaving accordingly until their Swift disillusionment. But they did t receive wedding presents unless you count the gunshots their relatives aimed at the bridegrooms. So miss manners will have to make her own Rul ing.  A  ,. -., yes wedding presents received under false pre tenses should be returned. Now would you please go find someone else to enforce this ruling dear miss manners my husband s sister lie by omission. It has happened again and again and i have endured it for 40 years she tells Mutual acquaintances the worst stories about me simply by omitting the final truth. The latest was a Story told with the proper sigh Sand Eyebrow raisings that i did not attend her daughter s funeral neglecting to add that i had been hospitalized just a few Days prior with multiple fractures because of a fall at a shopping mall. I do my Best to be pleasant during the infrequent times we meet and direct confrontation Only leads to More of the same. My husband is too weak to Han dle this problem by correction. Gentle Reader miss manners congratulate you on having endured this horrid treatment for 40 years. Perhaps she can talk you Back from the crack ing Point so you can put in a few More rather than blow up that excellent record. The Comfort she can offer you is the Assurance that everybody who hears these stories is on to the person who tells them. It is impossible for anyone to go around telling Nasty stories for 40 years without being found out especially when she tips people off by exhibiting the rudeness of bad mouthing a relative.  United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette question in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners. . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. This peace pales beside suit Erma Bombeck he picture said it All. The wives of the , the israeli prime minister and the jordanian King All lined up in similar Pale Blue business suits that made them look like the Andrew Sisters. On a Day when peace negotiations in the Mideast should have been the big Story of the Day Hillary Rodham Clinton Lea Rabin and Queen Noor for Ever put the Basic Pale Blue business suit out of Busi Ness. No one would be caught dead in it. We make run of women who Are always calling on the phone the night before an event to ask what Are you wearing but Here s a Case where someone should have made a few inquiries. An i Ai flight attendant was quoted As saying this is the fashion goof of the year maybe the  it did t end there. When president Glinton and King Hussein sat Down next to each other they pulled out Brown sunglasses with a nearly identical style. Both pretended not to notice. Clinton obviously forgot the line that women have been using for years of you bought the other  it s an unwritten Law among women that Only cheerleaders and 6-year-old identical twins should dress alike. For everyone else it s up to them to make their own personal clothes statement. Some times the Rule is broken. Women who work the Secu Rity checkpoints at airports Wear the same pants and shirts As men. Not ally Dies Are created equal. Actually i rarely see my clothes at parties any More. It s not that i m so exclusive. It s just that my clothes have gone in and out of style so often they re becoming endangered. The wives of the three world leaders acted As if nothing were amiss. They just made Eye Contact wit no concern what was below the neck. My guess is All three of them burned the suits the minute they got Home. I m also guessing it s the last time they buy off the rack. / Universal Presa Syndicate Larry London England Stevens Usa in some parts of the world civilization began rather abruptly. No kidding accomplishments at age 40 1 babe Ruth set All time Home run record 2. Hank Aaron broke Ruth s record 3. James Joyce completed Ulysses 4. Anders celsius invented centigrade scale 5. Bartolomeo Cristi Forl invented piano 6. George Orwell wrote animal farm world features Syndicate 10 smartest animals after humans 1. Chimpanzee 2. Gorilla 3. Orangutan 4. Baboon 5. Gibbon 6. Monkey 7. Smaller toothed whales includes killer whale 8. Dolphin 9. Elephant 10. Pig Edward 0. Wilson behavioural biologist Page 10 sunday november 13,1994