European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 6, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns sticking to a sport can have its and Downs by John Windrow staff columnist boing boing. The Summit of mount Fuji Serene and Snow peaked Rose and Sank before me As i hopped upward Ever upward. Boing boing. Thousands cheered me on waving pennants and tossing Rice and Flower petals before me As i strained and pushed Down then up with every fiber of strength. Pogo they yelled with every Bounce Pogo i ignored their cheers and shouts of adoration i was going for the record the ultimate Reward after years of training and relentless dedication to the sport i had loved All my life. Suddenly Only a few Yards from the Summit someone flashed past me. Boing boing. He covered the ground in great teams swallowed it in huge bounces As he zipped past. What s this the crowds were cheering for him. He had crossed the finish line and was being carried about on their shoulders showered with confetti and kisses. Ash Rita Furman i screamed his name. You fiend you haunt me yet the sheets and blankets were twisted and thrown All about the bedroom. Just a Nightmare another horrible Nightmare. For weeks now my life had been anguish As i the greatest Pogo player the world had never known wrestled with bitterness and frustration Over what might have been. Pogo was somehow More Pristine More sacred in those Halcyon Days when the sport was unsullied by Money and Fame. True True enough i had that the Lovely memories of Pooing for Miles and Miles through the Missouri Countryside seen Only by the Farmers in their Fields and the Birds on the Telephone wires. Who could Ever dream that it could be any other Way but one Day in january i picked up the stars and stripes and saw a photo of a muscular Young Man grinning As he a ogled up mount Fuji. The headline immediately caught my Eye Happy underneath it said that one Ash Rita Furman 31, of new York had set a world Pogo record by hopping 11.5 Miles up and Down mount Fuji. The paper fluttered As i swooned to the floor. I woke up i know not How much later and the awful realization that i had been years ahead of my time slowly Sank in. "11.5 Miles up and Down mount the phrase rang in my ears for Days. A Lousy 11.5 Miles Why it was absurd. In my College Days in the show me state we often a ogled from Jefferson City to Fulton probably 20 Miles. On a panty raid one enchanting Spring evening we a ogled to Booneville and Back More than 30 Miles. And i was t even winded when i in the Lead As usual turned off the Highway and headed Back into town and across the Campus passing cars and trucks As i soared Over sidewalks across lawns and sometimes bounced Over parked cars for a Lark. Of i was a Devil on the Pogo stick. There was no doubt about that. That was before the elbows went of course. The Layman thinks Strong legs Are essential to championship Pooing but the great Pogo players know that s it All in the elbows. Flap those elbows out Windrow i used to say to myself As i careened from Island to Island on the More tranquil stretches of the Missouri River. Show these Corn boys How a real Pogo Man struts his no one saw it of course. No one but the snapping turtles and whippoorwill. By then my companions had Given up Pooing to dedicate themselves to study or drink or girls. I sharpened my skills alone. Boing boing. Rambling through the firefly lit evenings the uncrowned King of an unloved sport. And now if newspapers were trumpeting 11.5 mile jaunts up and Down asian mountains could a National Pogo league be far behind with National to exposure groupies Miles and Miles of banal coverage in the sports pages congratulatory phone Calls from president Reagan As the reporters beg for an interview Hale Boggs had just been forced by an arbitration ruling to take $1.35 million for eight months of work As a red sox third baseman. Would i someday pick up the paper and see that Piker that pretender Ash Rita Furman forced millions for being the leading Pogo player of the american Pogo league and Here i sit with fading memories and bum elbows. At least i have the slowly tarnishing trophy that i won As the Bunny hop King of the Hermann mo., Manifest. That was in the Days when people appreciated Good dancing. Of Ash Rita Furman you undeserving unworthy one. Could you dress up like Pogo Possum and Pogo from Columbia to Ashport on a $5 bet of course you could t. Where Are the Media when you need pm company gifts can be a pain in the etiquette by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners our company has an employee association which collects Money weekly through payroll deductions to buy gifts for weddings new babies Hospital Flowers and funeral Flowers. This deduction is voluntary and private and the rate varies from one employee to another. The company contributes $200 yearly and the association has always had plenty of funds. Officers elected annually take care of buying the gifts for which the amount is preset. The problem is when wedding invitations Are sent to the Bosses at their Homes should they buy additional gifts even though they do not attend the weddings the wives generally Don t know the employees. Are they expected to give to anyone who sends an invitation is an invitation to the wedding the key to receiving a gift gentle Reader having such a sensible Way of dealing with a burdensome problem you should not sabotage the system. If this were an Ideal world which is to say if everyone behaved the Way miss manners knows is Best office and social life would be strictly separated. Offices would not perform social duties which would be gladly assumed by friends who would make a fuss Over one another s weddings and babies whether or not those friends also happened to work together. The exception is the funeral where the Boss should make an official appearance and write a letter informing the bereaved of the value of the employee and the esteem in which he or she was held most offices have constant collections in which employees Are coerced into giving Money presents whether they care about the people or not. Your solution is the next Best thing to miss manners. But it is not in keeping with this to make the Bosses still attend weddings and give presents to people whom they obviously Don t know socially because then the wives would be part of the Friendship too. One is never obligated to Send a present to a wedding one does not attend. Friends who care still do of course but invitations that Are refused because one does not feel close enough to the couple require Only a formal refusal and if one especially wants to be gracious a separate letter wishing them Well. Miss manners advises your executives to make it a policy to do Only this until the employees realize that they need not invite them. Dear miss manners what is your impression of the question How old is your Mother i do not Tell my age so people try to find it out by asking this question a thinly disguised method of learning my age. One very interested party asked the age of my brother after asking my Mother s. Although i hide my feelings this makes me furious. There must be an answer that would be polite but still protect my privacy. I never ask for anyone s vital statistics. I really am not interested. Gentle Reader miss manners impression is that no one would be Well advised to ask her such a question within hearing distance of her own gentle Mother. She does not take kindly to such inquiries. Whether a lady s age or that of anyone not obviously in the single digit category need be a sensitive matter is an interesting question of no relevance Here whatsoever. The fact is a grown up s age is considered a matter that person May or May not Volunteer and any inquiries on the subject Are rude. The answer on behalf of one s relatives is even easier than when one is asked one s own age and must reply that is something i Don t for your Mother you May say i would t dream of asking her for your brother and for her too if you wish Why i Don t go around telling people s say that with a shocked look and you will not be troubled again. Have a question concerning which Fork to use address letters to miss manners care of the stars and stripes Apo 09211, . Forces. March 6,1986 stripes Magazine
