European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 03, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Sneaker Industry is great threat to . Security Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspaper you want to know what a wrong with America ill Tell you what a wrong too Many kinds of sneakers. This problem was drive i Home to me dramatically when my 10-year-old son decided to join a track club. At first i was in favor of this because i was a track Man myself Back at Pleasantville High school where in 1965 a and 1 Hope i do not sound too boastful Here a i set a new York state record for shortest time on a track team before quitting. My original goal was to obtain a varsity letter. I needed one because at the time i was madly in love with Ann Weinberg who would have been the Ideal woman except for one serious flaw she yrs an c.\eellent_athlcte. On an average afternoon she would win the state championship in about nine sports. When we had the annual school awards Assembly various teams would troop on and off the auditorium stage but Ann would just remain up there getting honoured until All you could see was a Large Ann shaped Mound of Tro pics. This caused painful feelings of Inadequacy in me a Small Chest less insecure male whose Only recognized High school athletic achievement was the time when through an amazing physical Effort i managed to avoid Ralphine directly onto the shoes of the principal As he was throwing me out of a Pep rally dance for attempting to sleep under the refreshments table. Unfortunately this is not the kind of achievement for which you get a varsity letter. So in a desperate Effort to impress Ann i a joined the track team. This meant i had to go into the locker room with Large hairy jocks w Hoap pc Rcd Way too old for High school. I bet you knew Guys like that. At the time i thought that they were actually 40-Ycar-old Guys who chose to remain in High school for an extra couple of decades because they enjoyed snapping towels at Guys like me. They arc probably still i was under the impression that All you had to do to obtain your varsity letter was spend a Cor lain amount of time in the locker room but it turned out that they had a Picky Rule under which you also had to run or jump or hurl certain objects in an athletic manner which in my Case was out of the question. So i quit. However during my Brief time on the team i did learn some important lessons that have stayed with me throughout life the main one being that Pyou Are on the track team bus and the coach comes striding Down the aisle and demands to know which team member hurled the a a Moon a which is not one of the approved objects that you hurl in track a out the bus window at the police officer who is now threatening to arrest the entire team you should deny that you saw anything because its better to go to jail than to betray the sacred Trust teammates and consequently be forced to eat a discus. So i was glad that my son became interested in this character building sport until he announced that he needed new sneakers. This troubled me Quot because he already had new sneakers which Cost approximately As much As an assault helicopter but arc More technologically advanced. They Are the heavily advertised sneakers that have Little air pumps inside. This feature provides an important orthopaedic Benefit it allows Thoj manufacturer to. Jack the Price Way up. Also it turns the act of walking around into a highly Complex process. A wait a my son will say us we re Rushing Olf to school late As usual. A i have to pump More air into my sneakers a because god forbid you should go to school under inflated. So i figured that High powered sneakers like these would be Fine for track but both my wife and my son gently informed me that i am a total idiot. It turns out you Don t run in pump sneakers. What you do in pump sneakers is pump your sneakers. For running you need a completely Dif pc rent kind of sneakers for which you have to pay a completely different set of . Dollars. Not Only that but the sneaker salesperson in formed me that depending on the kind of running my son was going to do he might kinds of sneakers. The clerks tone of voice car Rich the Clear implication that he was going to Call the child abuse hot i did no to care enough As a Parent to take out a second mortgage so i could Purchase sufficient sneaker age for my son. I have done a detailed scientific Survey of several other parents and my current estimate is that sneakers now absorb 83 p or cent of the average . Family income. This has to Stop we need Congress to pass a jaw requiring the sneaker Industry to return to the system we had when i was growing up under which there was Only one kind of sneakers namely . Keds which were made from army surplus tents and which Cost about-$10, or roughly $1 per Pound. This simple act would make our nation Strong again. Slow but Strong. Probably your reaction is a Dave that san excellent idea and you should receive at minimum the Nobel prize.�?�1 thank you but As an american i am not in this because i am seeking glory. All i seek As an american is a varsity letter. Collins London England Quot she s still teething then.?&Quot l it ctr no kidding last words of eight leaders Nero a a what an artist the world is losing in Alexander i a a what a Beautiful Theodore Roosevelt a a upyt out the Ulysses s. Grant a a water a George i Ashington a a it is Millard Fillmore a a the food is Louis Xiv a a i thought dying was. Harder. John Adams a a Thomas Jefferson still a Jefferson died the same Day july 4 1826 j. A source world features Syndicate a Tunin Moscow user o o a. P a r cd a a. A t a Quot f pc pc in a s a r Nir a m. S a / l \ it a a c sunday february 3, 1991 x
