European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 16, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Stretching aerobics to the limit hey re trying to turn aerobics into an i. Olympic sport a Long overdue Isnit b it a and people Are getting so nut. A a Zoid Over this that they re forming car. A. Obits teams hiring aerobics choreographers nutritionists personal trainers and Leotard handlers. The Way it works is you have your aerobic competitor standing up m front of a panel of judges wearing her Ari Klc warmers Ponytail and one of those spandex pastel Pink bodysuits that makes her Chest look he two jello ,.and then they give aerobics instruction to these image. Nary aerobics students. A. A everybody on tiptoe now stretch and two  and tour., and up and two. And three and four and right Arm and two and three and. Four and another right Arm and six and seven and eight now grab those Ankles with both hands and stick your head Between your Knees and two and three and four and raise one toot up of the a ground and squeal like a wombat and six and seven and eight and squat on your neighbor with the right buttock and six and seven and eight now both buttocks and two and la acc and Sofir does t that feelgood and six and seven and eight. This goes on forever while the judges arc Scorr ing the aerobics expert on a skill Quot 60 percent and a presentation Quot 40 percent. A i have her a 9.4 on skill. I especially liked the Way she did  Extension Cross Over  left leg while holding her stomach like a Matador. But she got a 9.9 on presentation. Whenever stopped grinning when she said a come on you can do it a i really Celt something.11 really. Felt she wanted those imaginary students to achieve something. Her. Musical selections were impressive As Well. In be never heard Why done to we dolt in the Road a used for a Post pregnancy workout. So a perfect 10 for  actually if they re Gonna do this right i think the competitors should be forced to perform in 1 front of a room full of pol by lied cellulite in crusted slugs who just enrolled in the class because sopi body sold Mem a  Over the phone. Now to Haft a adding reality to the process. You know How there a always one totally uncoordinated Guy who no matter How Many times he has done the exercises he a always one step = behind the touting so you Start watching this Guy hoping hell catch up or either get so slow that. He catches up. By mistake a arc you following a a this a but pretty soon everybody is watching him and so everybody starts Messing up. They should put one of these Guys right i front of the competitor with a cigarette hanging out of his Mouth dirty sweatshirt High top Tennis shoes from 1967 a and he wears Black socks with his Tennis shoes Bermuda shorts with ducks and. Palm Trees on Mem or a mexican shirt one of those kind with All the pockets that fat people Wear so they la look Skinny Only they just look fatter a put one of these Guys in the front Row and then Sec How it works when they re grinning and san Gina a work those deltoids and two and three and four you a re looking Good and six and seven and eight and what s that big stain on your shirt. And two and three and four and that s disgusting and six and seven and eight and work those fat folds and  three ,.  this be More realistic speaking of girls in Loincloth it s finally Here quota. A. A a a a a. Proctors syndic it Linda Corwin in her prehistoric pose in a a lymphoid barbarian in Dinosaur hell a a a a a. .1 a a a a a a. The movie we Veall been waiting for a a lymphoid barbarian in Dinosaur hell. And its As the ads say Quot where the prehistoric meets the  Linda Corwin who looks so. Young shed get carded at Chuck b.1cheese, is the last woman alive on Earth Afier nuclear War. Has wiped out All the cities and most of her wardrobe. All our pets and livestock have been my. Muted into giant rubber lizards and she a finding it crazy hard to get a Boyfriend. Unfortunately everyone is so screwed up by the radiation that the dinosaurs think thcyye.hu-. Mans and the humans think they re dinosaurs. And All of them Wanna father children by poor a Little rags and tatters  Linda we re talking Perky Here. And when you re dealing with Green Bald headed Lizard men the courtship period is very Short if you know what i mean and i think you do. ,. What in a trying to say is that for 90 solid min Litas this woman is clawed at manhandled groped chased pinned clubbed roughed up. Beaten and her hair gets really ratty before a dimwit Hunter  fight his Way past giant sea serpents to a Castle where she a being.�, held captive by a Gap toothed Skull head medi cinc Man with a broken nose. He wants to feed her to a giant mutant pit bulldog but Marn just might arrive in time to feed him to a giant Craw. Daddy lurking in the dirty Brown Moat. A in other words a feminist flick. Two breasts. When there a Only one woman on Earth you can to score very High eighteen dead bodies. Pet dog eating. Cliant Man seating. Serpent. A fight. Sword fight. Dagger through the Lizard gizzards. Close up ear-chomping., a hand eating. Goat head Sphinx iguana head a. Mutant eaten by a Dinosaur. Mutant octopus attack. Arm  Rolls. Most terrifying of All i Lizard drool. Gratuitous Jabberwocky a Kung fun. Bimbo fun. Prehistoric Bikini  in Academy award nominations for Linda Corwin As Lea for saying a sometimes my juices Start to flow and i feel like a lymphoid barbarian in Dinosaur hell a Mark Dessales As the Man with no face for befriending Lea and. Teaching her to Mouth words out of a Book even a though she can already speak perfect English Alex Virhie. As the iguana King for saying a the hell with you a you re Lizard meat a and for doing the giant Lizard animated effects which looks Imda like claymation. Two stars Joe Bob says Cheek it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert thu Silver Moon drive in in Lewisburg which opened 111 1951, got ripped Dow n last summer so it could be resold to a Developer the last movie Lor the record was teenage mutant Nii a turtles. Chris Snyder of Lewisburg reminds us that without eternal Vig dance it can happen Here. Ca . 1 always read your column in the Campus con Naclion fish wrapper because you Are obviously intelligent and what is More important you have a Good sense of humor. But what puzzles me is How an intelligent Fob Low such As yourself can maintain such a childish and morbid interest m the puerile Punk cinematic garbage that you seem so endlessly lust mated by. I realize it is a stage everyone goes i Hough. But Gecz you re Over 16, Aren t you ,. Although your reviews Are interesting to read. As they help illuminate the Workings of a fund Lar different irom that of my own they Are of Little practical value to me because 1 do not attend drive ins do not even know Wycie univ Aie. And would never go even if i did because i would be embarrassed to be seen there what would make your reviews of More Quieti Cal relevance to me and. What w Ould 1 am sure Appeal to a much wider audience would be an occasional review on a More Normal  movie a the Type of movie someone who is not still popping zils in front of the bathroom minor and hanging out in the parking lot at a Jigger King might be interested in seeing. Make sense. Sincerely. A a a Mark peach  a a a -. Tallahassee Fla. A. A a dear Mark. A a a a a. A. A a a a. A i was not hanging out. I was  a Lew a Guys at Burger King so we could go skateboard. Ing. I a a Ltd a a a i a Quot a _ a Quot 1 a a a to discuss Tho near Tang of lilo  Bob or to got Iroe Tunk it a the mall and the world famous a we arc Tho word Quot new Sluitor. A write p o Box 2002, Dallas Texas 752z1, Joo Bob s lax 21 368-2310 a a a. A. A june 16, 1991 sunday