European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 16, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Stretching aerobics to the limit they re trying to turn aerobics into an olympic sport a Long overdue Isnit it a and people Are getting so nub a Zoid Over this that they re forming car. Obits teams hiring aerobics chore Ogra Phars nutritionists personal trainers and Leotard handlers. A the Way it works is you have your aerobic a competitor standing up in front of a panel of judges wearing her ankle warmers Ponytail and one of those spandex pastel Pink bodysuits that makes her Chest look like two jello holds and then they give aerobics instruction to these imaginary aerobics students. A a everybody on tiptoe now stretch and two and three and four., and up and two. And three and four and right Arm and two and three and four and another right Arm and six und seven and eight now grab those Ankles with both hands and stick your head Between your Knees and two and three and four and raise one foot up off the ground and squeal like a wombat and six and seven and eight and squat on your the right buttock and six and seven and eight now both buttocks and two and three and Fourr does t that feel Good and six and seven and eight.�?�. This goes on forever while the judges arc scoring the aerobics expert on Quot skills 60 percent. And a a presentation 40 percent. A i have her a 9.4 on skill. I especially liked the Way she did the scissor Extension Cross Over with her left leg while holding her stomach like a Matador. But she got a 9.9on presentation. She never stopped grinning. When she said a come on you can Doit i really Felt something. Really Felt she wanted those imaginary students to achieve something. Her musical selections were impressive As Well. In be never heard a Why done to we do it in the Road a used for a workout. So a perfect 10 for actually if they re Gonna do this right i think the competitors should be forced to perform in front of a room full of pot bellied cellulite in crusted slugs who just enrolled in the class be. Cause sopi body sold Mem a membership Over the that a adding reality to the process. You know How there a always one totally uncoordinated Guy who no matter How Many times he has done the exercises he a always one step behind the routine so you Start watching this Guy hoping hell catch up or either get so slow that he catches up by mistake a Are you following this a but pretty soon everybody is watching him and so everybody starts Messing up t they should put one of these Guys right in front of the competitor with a cigarette hanging out of his Mouth dirty sweatshirt High top Tennis shoes from 1967 a and he wears Black socks with his Tennis shoes Bermuda shorts with ducks and Palm Trees on Mem or a mexican shirt one of those kind with All the pockets that fat people Wear so look Skinny Only they just look fatter a put one of these Guys in the front Row and then Sec How it works when they re grinning and singing a a work those deltoids and two and three and four you re looking Good and six and seven and eight and what s that big stain on your shirt. And two and three and four and that s disgusting. And six and seven and eight and work those fat folds and Woland three a this be More realistic speaking of girls in Loincloth it s finally Here. Creators Syndicate Linda Corwin in her prehistoric pose in a a lymphoid barbarian in Dinosaur the movie we Veall been waiting for a a lymphoid Dinosaur hell. And it is As the ads say a where the prehistoric meets the Linda Corwin who looks so Young shed get carded at Chuck e. Cheese is a the last woman alive on Earth alter nuclear War has wiped out All the cities and most of her wardrobe. All our pets and livestock have been mutated into giant rubber lizards and she a finding it really hard to get a Boyfriend. Unfortunately,.everyone is so screwed up by the radiation that the dinosaurs think they re humans and the humans think they re dinosaurs and All of them Wanna father children by poor Little rags and tatters Linda. We re talking Perky Here. And when you re dealing with Green Bald headed Lizard men the courtship period is very Short if you know what i mean and i think you do. What in a trying to say is that for 90 solid min. Utes this woman is clawed at manhandled groped chased pinned clubbed roughed up beaten and her hair gets really ratty before a dimwit Hunter named Marn can fight his Way past giant sea serpents to a Castle where she a being held captive by a Gap toothed Skull head medi. Cine Man with a broken nose. He wants to iced her to a giant mutant pit bulldog but Marn just a might arrive in time to. Feed him to a giant Craw daddy lurking in the dirty Brown Moat. In other words a feminist flick. Two breasts. When there a Only one woman on Earth you can to score very High eighteen. Dead bodies. Pct dog eating. Giant Man eating. Serpent. A fight. Sword fight. Dagger through the Lizard gizzards. Close up ear-chomping., 1 hand eating. Goat head Sphinx. Iguana head mutant eaten by a Dinosaur. Mutant octopus at tack. Arm Rolls. Hand Rolls. Most terrifying of All a Lizard drool. Gratuitous rung fun. Bimbo fun. Prehistoric Bikini fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Linda Corwin As Lea for saying Quot sometimes my juices Start to flow and i feel like a lymphoid barbarian it a Dinosaur Mark Dessales As the Man with no face for befriending Lea and teaching her to Mouth words put of a Book even though she can already speak perfect English Alex Pirnie As the iguana King for saying a the hell with you a you re Lizard meat Quot and for doing the giant Lizard animated effects which looks Kinda like claymation. Two stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the Silver Moon drive in in Lewisburg pa., which opened in 1951, got ripped Down last summer so it could be resold to a Developer. The last movie for the record was teenage mutant Nii a turtles. Chris Snyder of Lewisburg reminds us that without eternal Vig Ilance. It can happen Here. A dear Joe Bob i always read your column in the Campus cym a action Fisl wrapper because you Are obviously intelligent and what is More important you have a Good sense of humor. But what puzzles me is How an intelligent fellow such As yourself can maintain such a childish and morbid interest in the puerile Punk Eine vat in garbage that you seem so endlessly fascinated by. I realize it. Is a stage everyone goes through but gee. You re Over 16, Arentt you although your reviews Are interesting to read As they help illuminate the a mind Jar. Different from that of my own. They Are of Little practical value to me because i do not attend drive ins do not even know where any Are and. Would never go i did because 1 would be embarrassed to be seen there. What would make your reviews of Mote i act Cal relevance to me and w hat would i am Sec Appeal to a much wider audience would be an occasional review on a More Normal non Duvic a movie a the Type of movie someone w to is not still popping zits in tront of the Bali room Mil Tot and hanging out in the parking lot at Bagci King might be interested in seeing. Make sense sincerely. Mark peach Tallahassee in la. Dear was not hanging out. 1 was just meeting a Lew Guys at Burger King so we could go skateboarding. A a a discuss the meaning of life with Joo Bob. Or to get free Unk in the mail and the world famous Quot we Are the weird newsletter write p o Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax 214. 368 2310. A a. A. A june 16, 1991sunday a Page 17 a. A
