European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 16, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                X can be explosive Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspaper. S we approach the 1992 presidential a a Campaign Lac major concern of american voters can be summarized a in one simple word and that word is. A exploding  at least the voters should be concerned about this Issue judging from a terrifying article sent in by Alert Reader Steve Kunert. The article written by Kevin Kucich for the student newspaper of the University of Texas at Elpaso begins As follows. A a urinal at the new Utel paso geology building exploded thursday causing serious damage to a workers genital  i. The victim who is recovering is quoted As giving the following account of the Accident a i done to know what the hell happened. I flushed the urinal and it exploded.�?�. 1. Next to the article is a  the urinal. Which has a Large jagged Hole in the Middle. This is a scary photo. The urinal almost seems to be grinning. It could be the Star of a Low budget horror movie called a laughing Demon urinal from hell a stalking victim after victim in a College fraternity House. First student where s Thad second student he just went to take a noise from off came Quot a Boom triad a a voice air de eerie porcelain voice Hanhah Ahagh students its the laughing Demon urinal Young women who always appear in this kind of movie for no apparent reason except to make sure it gets an a a re rating wed better Takeoff our blouses. According to the article the authorities Arentt sure what caused the explosion. Until we get answers in a recommending that Guys in Public restrooms take the sensible precaution of shouting Quot look  diving to the floor while covering their private sectors whenever they flush. Trist me the other Guys Ivill understand. Ultimately the Federal government will probably have to step in and take action. As a formally declared candidate for president i want to state that if i am elected urinal safety will be my no 1 priority rim shot. It deeply saddens me that none of the other declared candidates has had the courage to speak out on this Issue. Perhaps this is because there arc no other declared candidates unless you. Count a person named a Paul e. Tsongas who., has been going around claiming a you will laugh when i Tell you this a that he used to be a . Senator. Ask yourself have you even heard of him do you think the . Senate would admit a member who is clearly misspelling his own last name. A a a a a a. A a a a a a a a a a. A a a a a so we Are forced to conclude that in a the l. Front runner especially after the reception i got when 1 made my Campaign trip to Iowa Back in april Lam not making this trip up. While in ,. Iowa i demonstrated my concern for agriculture by observing Roadside pigs out the car window and making concerned remarks such As a look pigs Quot and a How come that pig is so hairy a. A because its a dog a replied Ted. Ted is my Iowa Campaign manager his full name is Ted Thabta Gabr. He a ethiopian. I am still not making this up. I selected Ted As my Campaign manager because 1 he met me at the Airport and 2 i think he can a put me Over the top by attracting the crucial Iowa ethiopian vote. ,.Ted inc up my main Campaign appearance which was at his school the University of Iowa which is in Iowa City motto a a it a not near anything a. The students were dearly impressed with my speech As was evidenced by the thoughtful questions they asked afterwards such As a i thought you would be  a a Why do you always write about boogers i definitely Felt a groundswell of support for my candidacy. This occurred at a bar called Fitzpatrick a where they brew their own Beer. If you drank  these Beers i bet you a feel the ground swell in support of your candidacy too. Special message concerning the character Issue i was accompanied to Iowa by this is still True a a reporter from Usa today motto a if you did t read it in Usa today it probably contained More than 50 word she wrote a Story stating that while at Fitzpatrick a i con. Sum cd four Beers and promised to appoint every student in the bar to the . Supreme court this is yet another example of the Media a Fren. Zied desire to dig up sensationalized  want to set the record straight by presenting facts that were Quot conveniently left out of the Usa today Story Quot a a a  v 1. The Usa today reporter had at least three Vodka and Cranberry juices. A 2. The supreme court might Benefit greatly by the addition of several Hundred College students Washington a in a landmark decision yes Torday the supreme court ruled 356-9 that the Constitution contains Way too Many big words. 1 expect this  Tough scrutiny. But  a water Over the  the Point is that my Campaign is surging proudly ahead with no pending indictments that i know of. Now is the  get on the bandwagon. We neck a a designated Driver. A Kostas  a Greece a m or Quot to a a a a a a. V. A. A a. A  of no kidding?8 unusual items taken aboard the space shuttle 1. Amelia Earhart a Scarf 2. An Aba basketball 3. Two dodger pennants 1 4. Two boomerangs 5. Highway patrol badge 6 a super bowl football it 7. Is Magazine 8. Girl scout badge source final Frontier Magazine ,. A original names 1. Hackensack  a new Barbadoes. A a a a 2, Gene Autry Okia Berwyn 3. Beverly Hills Calif. A Beverly. 4. Truth or consequences . Hot Springs a. Source place name changes since 1900 Schwadron Usa a every time i meet a lady whom i really like i m  Page 24 sunday june 16, -1991