European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 23, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 2 a a tisk  �i/jirt5ti, i to mrs be a Ltd a �?�r3 5itak-y.f  a a a of a a. F a a a amp of. A _. Vissr to fits  dogs run circles around cats in this Patrick. Mckenna a guest columnist i lie British ministry of transport has definitely answered the age old Quot Tion americans have been debating for decades a who  a the cat or the dog Quot a a. A. If you believe the brits it s live dog. According to a United kingdom Law if a Driver hits a dog with his care is  Slop and notify the owner or report it to the police. Vet if he turned a neighbors prize persian a into English Road pudding lie would t have to do anything. Quot. A a. A a i think our English friends Are on to something Here. A a a a a cats really Arentt Good for much Are they he. Cepl maybe elite training a , i or at least a Tew Quot minutes. No in a sorry. The last sentence was in bad  unfair a  Alley Cal a a Migi uial u Good Quarter of Aii hour it he s him gov and in Good shape. A a a a a a. Cats wont come w Hen you Call them. 1 hey Don t fetch.  gel excited Vav Senyou come homed rom a Long Day at work hic coup in l Caie less. Quot a a a a what is especially annoying a a about  they go to tie Hati room in Vitur House  dogs., who  neighbor s Yard. A the  is lumber than a Box of Kitty lifter. To prove Iii. Theory Here a a simple Vej Ingri a ment eat and dog owners can try at Home. Take a. Frisbee or Tennis Ball and waive it in front i your animal s nose. Say things like a they Hoy hey Booboo look at w hat 1 got Here boy want to get it boy Quot a a a a 1. A a a. A Quot by this time the Quot Normal canine a will he in a a slobbering inc nay a Normal intelligent reaction. The eat w ill do absolutely nothing. Nada. The eat. A May even appear annoyed at the amount of noise a a a you re making and bile you. Now take the Hail and hurl it As far and. Hard As you can make sure you re outdoors when you do a this. Now observe. A. Cat owners might  pet appear do he extremely interested in an Aahis bag blowing across the Lawn. He May even pounce on it thinking its an cafes hag blowing across he Lawn. Its the cat pm talking about Here not the owner. A the dog is going to do something else.  you be done something stupid but still he must humor you. What he does depends on the Breed of dog you own. Take my dog tuck y tuck will take off after the Ball at Fop Speed. Hut wont Stop until he reaches Scotland. He s. Not stupid. Vav to knows where  been ? i certainly   in Iny input if and i�?Tm., human. A. I can hear you cat sympathizers grumbling a Quot fetching a Ball does t measure intelligence cats Are above that they re too dignified. A y they re too aloof. And where can i get a dog like. Jaws Quot a a. A a a. Wake up cat people cats arc useless. A if cats arc As smart As you say they Are How come a a. They Haven to starred in any. Major television shows dogs have a dreading roles , Rin tin tin. And Benji. The Only cat that Coines to mind is t he y. One in Walt Disney a the cat from outer space. That was t even a television show but a movie co starring Dean Jones. Plus he did t even have any. Speaking parts. The cat that is. To top it Lott Walt had to East an alien for the part since All of our cats were too stupid for the role. Can you imagine a eat instead ill a Collie in hassle. A a. A a. A a a a a a a. A scene from Fluffy come Home tin Wiy Quot what s the mutter fluff win ult a t  c it your tender Vil tics Quot y a Fluffy Licking her Paw meow. A. A Timmy Quot of no. It s the Hahn i t it. A a. A flu fly1 the Burn s on Illif and grandpa n trapped inside Quot. A ,.a. A a a a. Fluffy a Edw. A a a. I Iii Nuy Quot Fin Fly go. Letch c Hiet Ilsi nut a a Doc we i  a Quot Quot j a Quot a a it just does no to work. The cat would probably get lost and have to  directions a while Lus Sie would be cocked a leg and Pul the fire Iuit and Given cramps car. I know what you cat owners Are asking your. Selves a a where does this Heathen live because a if Ever run into him i la  siamese cat mimed Ling Ling for Tui the second Story window to see if it lands on the sobs  have to admit the varmints Cali land on their feel if dropped upside Down off i he Balcony. But so. What this trick gels old soon especially if you building does t have an Elev Ator and you have to a walk the 2 1 flights Down to gel him each time. A a. Fors amps Roel Wielinga the edit Landing move does no to re Juire Intelli Geneze its All genetic a a a Freak of nature. This built in reflex was acquired Way Back in  Tinics when Semi domesticated cats would. Drag dead Pterodactyl Back into the Cave and. Neanderthal Man would promptly throw both Oil the Side of a Cliff. A a cat lovers could counter that dogs have a lot of idiot so i intelligent habits such As chasing their tails. All i have to say is a  humans Chase a. A tiny Hall around a Golf course and we Don to Call them stupid too often. A a. A i could go on for paragraphs hut i must run a because i promised tuck i d.  to the my.  science and it s his  drive. A a a a i Lope we done to run into any eals bit the Way. Planck Mckenna is an at Force staff sergeant with he 81 Tel  her Wing Public , at Raf bin Waters England. A a unday Magazine sets aside this space for guest columnists i you . Countered anything amusing confusing frustrating or fascinating about life in fut Ope in the military or in general / we d like to hear about it. Y. Don t get frustrated if you Don t see. . Urn for a while. We have a backlog but we like to hear from new people a lease include a recent photograph of yourself for use with the column. Send in your thoughts in 500 words or fewer to be our guest sunday Magazine the. Stars and stripes Apo 00211 or  1 14 37, i duo Darmstadt 11 Germany. Contents rom i i cover. 4-5 Lii Hury l it t d. Through Gulf our. Dec dec Ninga it it a. Hike to port ,.  it Vilson Dun its nine sushi. I Lute. Ltd a. A a melt i a. 6. Henring up u a Der Inounia a a 1 St it n its 7 a in Hunt y cur a a. Hooks and Anu Paul 8-9 7r7i/>t Imi ii Stan i a a. Pm Rico ii Mug it Otto. A. Odds amp ends. 10 la Init i k in eve i it it it Luv to plus. Furo Puii shows Ping the Guys television listings i. 12-14 , cubic Mill satellite schedules a a. A to in Europe. 15  . A Quot a on video. 16. Cutting up Quot Edward scissor Huings Quot a Joe Bob Briggs. 17 to Ellis Oiler in unattractive link a Hus week s Ziems. 18-19 a. Complete  ii Tai listings a i in h it it nibs 7/m/.\< it a Ilik a a \ classified ads. 20-23 las1 Lugii. 2-1 a a tic Hany cartoons from Urt Uhd the world. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes acting editor Sarah Bottorff contributing editor Bucky Fox Art direction Susan p. Harris production Kelly Quinn a. Lisa Williams editorial assistance Marian Hamilton a Louis Pierce sunday june 23 1991