European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 28, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the origin raw nerve much More than a pretty face i knew it was a bad idea. Wanda boding took ugly on a stick to get a facial the other Day. I said a Rwanda the reason they re called a facials is that they re intended for people who have a a facial is a Way of bringing out the inherent inner Beauty lurking just below the surface of your dirty skin a Wanda told me. A they Peel off layer after layer after layer until you find your Beauty so i said a that sounds like its Worth a shot. Make sure they pull off her nose her Chin both eyebrows her lips and her ears. And rip out those Little lines around her Mouth that look like she a storing nuts for the Winter in Wanda was not pleased. She said a you done to realize what Chloris could look like if she was Given a Chance. Maybe she a just suffering from Low self esteem. It could be caused by something traumatic from her i said a i see what you mean a like her face catching on anyhow they went traipsing off to get the facial and i watched a few hours of court to this new Cable Channel where you watch psychopaths explain to the jury Why they did no to really mean to do it and when they came Back she had a Napkin stuck to her face in order to a protect the natural herbs and oils that Are rejuvenating the dermal i was disappointed. I said a shoot i thought they a surgically attached a Napkin to her face. 1 was about to Tell her what an improvement it in a Only telling you this Story so you la know if you see her on the Street its even worse now. She has her real face. Speaking of recycled merchandise Traci lords is giving it another shot in raw nerve. No acting lessons yet in a sorry to report but an incredible red miniskirt More than makes up for it. It seems that Traci a brother Jimmy is having these terrible migraines where he sees a Geek in a Raincoat blowing away sexy Young girls with a Shotgun. But Jan Michael Vincent the local cop and Glenn Ford the police chief done to believe that the Guy really has psychic visions. Yes that a right i said Glenn Ford Sandahl Bergman of Conan the barbarian and Playboy Magazine Fame suddenly shows up with a reporters notebook and gets involved with Traci lords hits a raw nerve. Jimmy to get a Story for her newspaper. But the Only Guy who really believes that Jimmy is getting accurate brain wave messages about serial killers stalking pork chops at the local High school is Jimmy a Beer chugging Uncle and race car Mechanic a Randall a a text Cobb. Tex is evidently the Only actual homeless Guy working full time in the movies. He a so dirty his performance actually stinks a and i mean that As a compliment. Pretty soon psychic Jimmy has visions about Little sister Traci especially when she wears strapless dresses apparently held in place by invisible special of facts wires. Will Traci survive is Tex killing these girls with his breath 1 wont give it away but i will say that raw nerve is one of the finest movies Ever made in Mobile Ala. No breasts. Traci lords and Sandahl Bergman and there arc no Zero Nada breast skis. I can to explain this five dead bodies. Two motor vehicle chases with two crashes and one spectacular stunt where a pickup goes off a three Story parking garage. Gratuitous dope smoking. Shotgun fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Ted prior As the migraine had achy Jimmy for making this the drive in Chinatown by saying a see in a her brother a and her father Cobb As the Beer drinking pickup driving Uncle for saying a Well Bubba now the whole City thinks you re a Fruitcake Ford for being in this movie without anything to do and for saying a you turn that Lunatic Over to me and i guarantee Livell never the Light of Day again Bergman As the reporter for saying a i slept with you because i wanted to lords As the jail bait for successfully delivering the line a you look hot a and drive in Veteran David a. Prior the writer director for lines like a a it a a classic Case of object induced dream state psychotic two and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it release of the week buried alive 1990. This lame adaption of several Edgar Allan Poe stories stars Robert Vaughn As the keeper of an insane Asylum for girls where every once in a while a whoops a one of the Young jail bait inmates gets bricked up in the Dungeon. Donald please acc is the weird Beard old caretaker and Playboy playmate Karen Witter is the idealistic Young intern who shows up and starts thinking that of my goodness Way too Many girls arc vanishing around this place a including Ginger Allen who used to be Ginger Lynn Allen who used to be Ginger Lynn who used to make porno movies that would make a dead Man whimper but now struts around in b movies like Awell like a girl who has taken a few acting lessons. John Carradine is in this for about one minute at the end a his last film a Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate Pear acc. One excellent Shower scene. Its one of those a but your methods Are insane doctor Quot movies. Two bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the Buffalo drive in in Buffalo mo., has reopened after several years of inactivity and it has been outfitted with radio sound. Buffalo May be the smallest town in America to have a fully functioning drive in population 1,915.1. Randy Johnston of Oklahoma City reminds us that with eternal vigilance it wont happen Here. Dear Joe Bob you say that killer with a budget of $9,500, is the cheapest drive in flick Ever made. Wrong. The cheapest was the naked Witch made by yours truly in South Texas for $8,000. Cordially Larry Buchanan. Santa Barbara Calif. Dear Larry its an amazing level of human achievement to make a movie for $8,000. But its an even More amazing level to admit you made a movie for $8,000. I stand corrected. My hats off. You Are indeed the Champee. Dear Joe Bob it May be the lingering effects of the Gas chamber but after a Long Road March there a nothing i like better than to get weird. Army Basic training does no to allow me the Chance to get near a drive in. This does no to seem right since the Freedom to enjoy Basket Case 2 in a l Londa is what the army is All about. Thank you Joe Boh for standing Strong. Pfc. Sandra l. Campbell fort Jackson . Dear Sandra you should be proud of keeping the drive in Safe for All americans. Did you know that Kuwait has drive ins and Iraq docs not see what i mean dear Joe Bob now that the dark demons of communism Are on the run in Europe and the Down trodden masses Are learning the value of big breasts and cheap handguns do you see a drive in revival on the horizon just wondering Robert j. Bartow Columbus Ohio dear big Bob we have sophisticated drive in marketing teams working at this very moment in Cracow Murmansk Vladivostok and Buda but not pest. This thing s Gonna be bigger than toys r us. To discuss the meaning of Virtu with Joe Bob. Of to get tree Juteik in the mail and his world famous to Are the weird newsletter write p o Box 2002, Dallas to 75221, or tax Joe Bob at 214 36b 2310 july 28, 1991 sunday a
