European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 15, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Caa v a a Meatball Gizmo by any other name still Sells Sweet Mary Shuman guest columnist i have neither a dog nor a cat but i do have a pet Peeve. Is there any pm shopper out there whose pulse does no to quicken or whose Check writing hand does no to break out in a cold Clammy sweat upon hearing those two ominous words blare Over the intercom a Price Check Quot if you Are of the rare Breed who is Able to remain co Calm and collected you have my delayed congratulations. As for me i immediately Send up a groan to that Patron Saint of usar eur Crosbie please of please done to let it be my aisle. I Promise from now on ill go through Cash Only no More than five items. Alas my plea never registers. In a always stuck in the dreaded Price Check Lane. Invariably i face one of two Sticky situations. I have Only minutes to spare before i must pick up my son at pre school i frantically wonder if the teacher will believe my time warped excuse a i was caught in a traffic Jam or worse yet he a with me. My Darling child of the �?T90s. His first uttered words were not mama or Dada but i want i need. I could have a sense of relaxed humor if the delay occurred while waiting in a slow moving aisle of say cleaning supplies or vacuum cleaner accessories a they offer no temptation whatsoever to my Dusty existence. But no its my Fate in life to always be in the Neon glaring buy me fool Lane. You moms know the one. Vacuous caloric and cavity prone temptations galore. Quot All my friends have this ninja Turtle tape i want it. I need this Matchbox car if in a Ever going to be a productive member of society. You re mean in a not Ever going to talk to you Promise perhaps the id card Check desk should Issue an advisory warning do not enter this facility with a fill in any age year old. The Odds of winning our grand Giveaway sweepstakes Are better than avoiding the i want i need aisle. My Quot buy me son Isnit the Only guilty party. I m embarrassed to admit How Many times in be weakened in Kitchen Knick Knack aisle. I own a Silver tarnish corrosion inhibitor Gizmo though the Only Silver i possess is hidden in my Back molars. I have a swedish amp cocktail meat Ballor and a regular meat Baller despite having always relied on Ragu. Little Beaver has persuasively convinced me in cake decorate contents from the cover .4-6 7v shows headed for a fall Andy Rooney .7 nit picking. Books and language.8-9 a a hard courts Quot a net gain. Odds amp ends .10 Erma Bombeck tags fashion As questionable. To autumn a big screen on the move. Television listings 12-14 local Cable and satellite schedules. On the air.15 Quot Amos a no Andy Quot pulled from trash Heap. Home entertainment .16 Quot it s a wonder id life Quot headed for video. Joe Bob briggs.17 Quot maniac cop 2"so bad its Good. 18-19this weeks films Quot Freddy a dead Quot alive once More. Complete cafes circuit ads .20-23last laugh .24 Dave Barry bugs Mem. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Peter Jaeger production Kelly Quinn Lisa Williams Denise Adams editorial assistance Marian Hamilton Louis Pierce ing aisle that his Best friends mom . June Cleaver makes a too awesome to eat cakes Why can to i in be made some of my Best friends in this aisle. While halfheartedly conceding defeat and tossing in sundry theme pans and whatchamacallit in a guilty of aisle dropping. I have secreted the names and Telephone numbers of pros for future birthday parties. Is not cafes abetting my weaknesses think about it. At the commissary our an jingled minds Are cautioned a a done to shop when you re hungry no no when was the last time at the pm you hummed a a done to shop when its a payday no no no a i Challenge we weaklings to fight Back. We need David Horowitz or better yet a special income tax deductible foolish things purchased while waiting in a Price Check aisle. In the meantime you All Are cordially invited to my next Yard Sale a most items never used. Caution do not Purchase from my husband. Your pulse will quicken and your hands Wilt sweat As he who rarely Steps foot in the pm innocently proclaims a just a minute. Hey Mary i need a Price Mary Shuman is a family member in Numberg. Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany. Boris Becker thought of quitting the Tennis tour m hard courts. Page 8. Page a sunday september 15, 1991
