European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 15, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Another look at Savoir Faire ticks Mem of Dave Barryte Miami Herald today a topic is the . National tick collection. But first i must make yet another correction on the meaning of the French expression Savoir Faire. As you May recall i wrote a column stating that Savoir Faire Means Quot ear size a a Reader wrote Back stating hat i was a Bonehead. So i wrote a column apologizing for my mistake and staling that the Correct definition of Savoir Faire is in fact Quot nose  1 thought this had settled the matter but recently i got a letter from another irate Reader Liliane Adams of North Haven Conn. Her letter begins Quot Are you a Complete idiot Quot having thus softened the blow she Points out that a i am still wrong about Quot Savoir Faire Quot and h she knows this because she personally is French. Now 1 feel like a major horse s Pato Oty or As the French say Une Digger Butte Ilu cd Couf. So this Lime in preparing my correction i had my staff of highly trained research assistants go Over it thoroughly both visually and by Barking at it. Thus 1 am 10 1 percent confident when i state that Savoir Faire does not mean a year size or a nose  la Means a armpit fumes Quot As in Quot due to unusually High Levels of Savoir Faire the surgeon general is advising against travel to  i m glad we got that straightened out. I sincerely Hope that my carelessness has not offended anyone else of the Snail eating persuasion. Speaking of repulsive creatures today s topic As i said is the National tick collection. If you think i m making this up Check the june 1991 Issue of National geographic. There you la find a fascinating news item brought to my attention by Alert readers Scott and Irene Dean. It begins Quot the . Government has solved the problem of who should pay for Upkeep on a million dead ticks by sending them to Georgia. The National institutes of health has shipped the National tick collection to Georgia Southern University in Statesboro with a 5-Ycar, million Dollar Grant to maintain  ill pause Here while you taxpayers wipe up the Coffee you just spat All Over yourselves when you went a a what we re paying a million dollars to maintain dead ticks .7&Quot c aim Down. 1 checked into this and it turns out that the National tick collection is of. For one thing it s the largest in the entire world. Japan May have overtaken us in technology but we re still no. I in deceased bloodsucking arthropods. The National tick collection also has important scientific purposes. I spoke to the curator James Keirans. National geographic has a picture of Keirans holding a Jar containing the largest known Breed of tick. It looks like a Small Turtle. If this tick were to get hold of one of those Yappy Lap style dogs about the size of a hostess twinkle you a hear a Quick a slurp a and ail that would remain of the dog would be lint. Keirans said the National tick collection is basically a whole lot of dead ticks inside jars. The whole thing Quot fits into an area about the size of a Good sized living  Keirans said scientists need to study ticks because they ticks spread All kinds of diseases. He said scientists actually go out looking for ticks. Its called a flagging a wherein the scientist attaches a piece of while flannel to a Broom handle then drags it Over the grass where the ticks grab on to it. Quot in be been in situations where in be picked up the Flag and it was Lack with ticks Quot Keirans said. A then i looked Down and my pants were covered with ticks crawling up my  this scene could be the basis of a major horror film called tick featuring Madonna As the evil tick Queen wearing an elaborate anatomically Correct female tick costume featuring 173,000 Mascara smeared eyes and 11 million tiny breast Cones if a tick gets on you the Way to remove it is not to Burn it or put chemicals on it. Keirans recommends you grasp the tick near its head ideally using tweezers slowly pull it out and mail it to the publishers Clearing House. No i made up that last part. The rest is True a an example of the useful information we gel from being the world Leader in tick research. So i figure the National tick collection is a Good investment of my lax dollars especially when you compare it with other parasitic Federal entities amount of Money spent sending out  Congress millions of dollars. Dead ticks none. Use of government limousines to attend rare stamp auctions. President s chief of staff yes. Dead licks no. Maybe it would be Cost effect ivc to replace High Federal officials with dead ticks. Do you think that would work nah dead ticks arc lacking a Quality that comes naturally to your top Federal leadership. Call it Savoir Faire. Fiody London England Fez no k11 i 1 \ original titles 1. Son of Kong a originally called Jamboree 2. Bride of Frankenstein a Frankenstein lives again 3. Or. Frankenstein on Campus a flick 4. House of Frankenstein a the Devil s Brood 5. Cry of the Werewolf daughter of the Werewolf 6. Gorgo a the night the world Shook 7. Abbott and costello meet Frankenstein a brain of Frankenstein source horror films Magazine and Revenue 1. Time a average $7.3 million per Issue 2 people $6.7 million 3. Sports illustrated a $6.5 million 4. To guide a $6.2 million 5. Newsweek a $4.9 million 6. Business week a $4.7 million some publishers information Bureau o Eutt it Page 24 a sunday shall Ember 15. 1991