European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 03, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Open your eyes to the courage in your kiddies miss Man mrs Erma Bombeck Universal press Syndicate you can pack your kids with vitamins teach them the alphabet and How to Tell time. You can expose them to humor the arts and travel. You can advise them on handling rejection and disappointment. You can gel a a yes May am a Quot please Quot and a thank you Quot Oul of them on a Good Day. But you can to teach them courage. And you can t take the credit for it either. Parents tend not to recognize courage in their kids when they Sec it. When a baby fights for his life we Call it  when a toddler Falls Down and gets up again we Call it  when a teen Ager says no to drink and drugs when All his contemporaries arc saying yes we Call it a common sense a when a child hangs 011 to a Preh Ciplic against some stiff Odds we Label it  it s courage. A handicapped student who attends a University in the South wrote an unusual letter to me about courage. A i have cerebral palsy a she wrote a and my Mother has never accepted this or As a result me. She was Given a child less than perfect and she curses me for a lot of things that were problems to her Long before i came along. A i have Learned a lot through my Handicap. A girl has to be resilient when her friends decide to hide her crutches. I have Learned to laugh at myself to save my sanity. Once my Book bag was so heavy i fell Over backward and could t get Back up. 1 laughed until my sides split 1 Felt so ridiculous. From that Day Forward my teacher who helped me up called me Turtle. A it Isnit my momus fault. I love the lady with All my heart and realize mothers of handicapped children Arentt saints. They re just Ordinary human beings. You have to Tell a handicapped child that he is loved every Chance you get. A child Cun never hear it enough. A i can t give up on Momma. I want her to understand that if i weren t handicapped it could have been worse. 1 could have turned out to be a Valley girl for crying out loud. How do you give someone the courage to face what they Are a no one can share courage give it away or leave it behind when they go. You have to earn it. On the other hand you re never Ltd a old to get your own. Even a Turtle does t gel anywhere unless it Slicks its neck out. If there s a Mother Reading this who sees herself Between the lines she might shrug and say her handicapped daughter is Well adjusted. Call it by its name. Us name is  Judith Martin United feature Syndicate dear miss manners Don t you think makeup application and Mirror primping should be done in private also  orchestras Tunc up before the audience arrives i went to Bob Jones University in South Carolina where both these policies were considered a part Ombasic Southern manners. The argument is that it spoils any performance if one can observe behind the scenes preliminaries. Gentle Reader when a woman arrives for a social event she needs to Check whether her Toilette has become Dis arranged on the Way Over. Having done her makeup and hair before she left Home she nevertheless needs to Check it again and perhaps make minor adjustments. This is Why the Hall Mirror exists. Technically a woman was not considered to have arrived at the event until she had a Chance to make use of the Hall Mirror or the powder room. Similarly musicians need to Check their instruments before a performance in Case any adjustments arc necessary after the hazardous trip from the poker game in the musicians lounge to the stage. While they do so they May be considered to be in front of the Hall Mirror. Dear miss manners my husband and i Are expecting our first baby. We have spent thousands of dollars on decorating our new Home which we bought three years ago. Am neat and very proud of my housekeeping. Both my Sisters have children Ages 2 and 4. When their families visit the kids wreak havoc. They spill milk on the floors Mash bananas into the carpeting draw on Walls and counter tops pick up and play with breakable items a some times breaking them and just make a mess. A 1 get irritated with my Sisters and ask them nicely to control their children. They sometimes try or say they la clean up the mess before leaving but they usually do nothing. Sometimes i scold the kids myself but it does t work for Long. My Sisters say 1 am too High Strung and need to Calm Down. So what if food gets spilled on the carpeting or there s writing on the Walls they say its my problem and i need to change. I say its Only common Courtesy that when visiting Peoples Homes you respect their property. Gentle Reader consider yourself Lucky that you came to miss manners with this problem. Just about anyone else in the world would be chuckling maniacally saying a just you wait until your own baby arrives mrs. Finicky. Well see what happens to your exquisite draperies  but not miss manners who is pretty finicky herself. Nevertheless she has managed to have generations of babies in the House without serious damage to the furnishings the children s psyches or the spirit of hospitality. And although she has removed a Crystal vase or two from the immediate Range of toddlers she did it without putting any rooms of the House off limits. So she trusts that you when you bring up your a own child will accept accidents Doodna tiredly but firmly teach that property must not be treated wantonly. If your Sisters do not teach their children they will have serious problems a both the Sisters and As they grow the children. You have a problem too of course but miss manners docs not consider it a psychological one. It is the problem of protecting your property. You May be forced to establish a Safe play area with toys where the children can enjoy themselves but not at your expense. But because you arc their aunt you could help them by showing them that another Way of life exists. This is done by inviting them Over individually when they Are just a bit older and showing them How to have a Good time without doing so destructively it s it s Erma Bombeck is on vacation this column originally appeared in april 1905 Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 someone from your past May help you in your career. Your Boss is receptive to new ideas. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20. Read a new Book to expand your horizons. Spend time with friends and share what you be Learned. Capricorn dec 21-Jan 19 investigate new ways 1o do your Job More efficiently. Your efforts could Lead to rewards in the tall. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 it s a Good time to Deal with the Public. You can do Well in a debate. Possibly travel with a partner Pisces feb. 19-March 20 focus on the mind and body connection and How it can ailed your health. Don t overeat or drink. Aries March 21-april 19 focus is on Romance. Plan a fun Day. You have an abundance of love to give. Taurus april 20-May 20 Domestic life should be running smoothly. You May decide to get a pet look Lor a gentle animal. Gemini May 21-june 20 communication in love is open and honest. Its a Good time to air grievances insecurities. A Ancer june 21-july 22 put Effort into increasing finances. Then you May be Able to make a big Purchase. Leo july 23-aug. 22. You feel the need for self expression. Writing is a Good outlet. So is talking to a Good Friend. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 allow yourself to daydream. Concentration May be hard today so put off important projects until tomorrow. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 its a Good Day to go out with friends. You May also want to join a club or organization. Copley news service Page 10 a sunday november 3, 1991