European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 3, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Joe Bob goes to the drive in the Dice Man has Mem rolling throughout video what was the scariest thing to come out of the Clarence Thomas hearings was it Strom Thurmond a face naw. Even a Man that ugly still has 10,20 crotchety years left in him. By the time he Dies hell look Uke a klingon that a had his nose scraped off with a cheese Grater. So the worst is yet to come in that department. How about Anita Hills a Nice Queen act i have to admit this was pretty terrifying the Way you would ask her a Plain English question like a a Why a you Call him on the phone All the time if he was breathing on you like a wild Hyena Quot and you think any Normal person would say something like a i decided that since he really  do anything to me anymore id just act like it never happened and maybe get something out of  but her answer would be something like a a i contacted judge Thomas in the course of professional duties and conducted myself in a Businesslike  huh in watergate it was the bad Guys who talked like this. Here we had the accuser talking like a stuffed shirt Junior High English teacher trying to confuse everybody by using big words. But that still Wasny to the scariest thing. How about Orrin Hatch is this Guy a party animal or what Orrin reminds you of the Uncle in everybody a family who comes to Christmas dinner once a year and tells you How the country is being infiltrated by korean spies. Orrin thought the Way Anita Hill wore her High heels was a conspiracy. Still he was not As scary As Teddy Kennedy who looks More and More like a Wax statue of John Kennedy that got out in the heat and melted. The female reporters who wrote All the sexual harassment stories in the newspapers were really scary. In be known new women All my life. Ninety eight percent of them know How to cuss like sailors. If you walked up to most of those women and said a they babe i got a porno flick Over Here to show you and by the Way get a Load of this Rutabaga a they would say something Back to you so vile and disgusting that even the newspapers in Sweden  print it. Were these the same women writing the articles about a the Specter of sexual harassment that haunts the life of every Young professional woman in this country Gimme a break. Did anyone besides me notice that All of this incredible office politics was going on at an Agen Andrew Dice Clay in Dice rules. By called the equal employment Opportunity commission i done to know How you read that name but it sounds Kinda like an Agency dedicated to helping people have a Nice easy time in their jobs right How could these people help anybody else get a Job when they were spending All their time deciding who was More ambitious More stuck up More rude More Black or White than the next person that was really scary. That press conference Anita Hill gave was scary a the one where the University of Oklahoma cheered her like shed just scored a touchdown. This is the place that first made a hero of Barry Switzer and now follows that up with Anita Hill. That a scary. But the scariest thing of All i thought was one of the facts that kept coming up again and again and none of the commentators Ever mentioned it. I think it threatens the future of this country More than anything else that came out of the hearings. Its so shocking that i need to scream it in capital Leters for the whole world to notice before its too late Oral Roberts University has a Law school now we re talking scary. Speaking of people the feminists have recently tried to assassinate Andrew Dice Clay finally got his video released. Dice rules was supposed to be a monster concert movie like Eddie Murphy a raw but 20th Century Fox we Enid out on him and refused to release it because the movie outfit was afraid somebody a feelings might get Hurt. This is the concert the Dice Man did at Madison Square Garden Early in 1990. Twenty thousand people four nights in a Row let me repeat that Twenty thousand people four nights in a Row for All those people who say a Well my problem with Clay is that he a just not funny Quot let me repeat that again Twenty thousand people four nights in a Row this a guinness world record for comedians. This is super Mega Rock Star level concert action. In a talking rolling stones level. Listen to me those 80,000 people do not care who thinks Clay is not funny because they think he a funny. Isnit this what America is All about when Garrison Keillor fills an Arena in Oshkosh wis., to read his stories about How some Guy named Jess dropped Oleo Margarine on his pants leg and got embarrassed in front of aunt Meg i Don t organize a delegation of my friends to stand out in front of the theater screaming a get this Guy banned from Arenas banned from the radio banned from to because he a just not funny a when you see this footage you la realize How ridiculous the Dice blacklist was last year. He does the same kind of material Redd Foxx did in the �?T50s. Sex. More sex. A lot More sex. And variations on sex like marriage dating cheating womanizing. Redd Foxx died the same week this tape was released. For some reason Foxx got a glowing obituary in the new York slimes the same newspaper that savaged Dice Clay last year the main thing you la notice about this tape is Jot Bob Briggs creators Syndicate How a Well Dice Isnit Gonna like this when i say it but in be got to a How Sweet the Guy is. There a a Little mini movie on the front of it where Clay explains How he turned from a Brooklyn nerd into a testosterone Tiger with the Aid of a sequined leather jacket and the whole thing is so Hokey that you groan. Its the kind of groan you let Loose when your dad tries to sing. You want him to Stop but its charming that he tries. Its that kind of thing. And then the concert itself is full of the same kind of Don Rockies disclaimers that put Down comedians have used for the last 30 years a namely he puts Down himself a i have no tolerance for anything or anybody he does a self parody with his Macho posing and he does outright apologies a a done to take it serious its a goofy. Its obvious that everybody at this concert understood the rules exactly. No breasts. No dead bodies. One beast the Dice Man. Satire fun. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the famous Starlight drive in in Watsonville calif., has been reopened. As an elementary school. Starlight elementary school the first school Ever named after a drive in opened last year with the following claim a Starlight creates a fusion of understanding enthusiasm and excitement. Kids learn to care about learning about themselves and about other people. We Call it technology with a  in other words the same social benefits provided by the original Starlight. Alice Montgomery reminds us that the screen May be gone but generations of Watsonville youth will be educated according to strict drive in principles. Dear Joe Bob i am a subscriber to Hieronymus Bosch a theory that we Are All already living in hell. In be suspected this for some time now but two things recently have clinched it 1. Watching Robert Tilton babble incoherently and plead for Money on Channel 21. Is it just me or did he rip off those dyed stripes of hair he has from Elsa Lanchester in Bride of Frankenstein 2. Hearing Whitney Houston whine and drag out the National Anthem during the vomit inducing super bowl halftime show thoroughly ripping off that scene in a recent Simpsons episode where the Guy does the same thing at a baseball game. Except on the Simpsons its supposed to be funny. Amber Rollins Hurst Texas dear Amber obviously you Haven to been watching Whitney on mtg speaking French. You la need double ply bags. To discuss the meaning of Llfra with Jobob or to Gal free junk in the mail and Hla world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Brigga. . Box 2002, Dallas. To 75221, or fax him at 214-368-2310.november 3, 1991 sunday a Page 17