European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 10, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Trying to cough a route out of the smoking Section v a a Margit Joelo guest columnist i t in the Spring of lil9i thought if i could no Stop smoking id at least use these scientifically developed filters. Of. Of. Stop laughing. The filters had a dual effect. 1. Blech look at All the crud 2. Wow look at All the tar in a saving id also Tell myself a i hate smoking. I hate  soon i could t stand smoking without the filters. By now i hated How the House reeked mornings How the car rocked. Things id never noticed before. I started to consider quitting a a first. I said started. I started to imagine myself As a nonsmoker a something id never been Able to do. If i was a nonsmoker once i could be a nonsmoker again. I did no to remember it being All that horrible. I started looking at the reasons i smoked and tried to figure out How to get past them. I used to smoke everywhere anytime. Now smoking was outlawed in the bathroom big Deal bedroom and living room except when writing this. I looked Forward to going to work because i  smoke so much. I did t smoke that first ritual cigarette this one that one the other one the last one. Id Light one up and toss it because it was Lousy. Sometimes i did no to smoke one at All it was almost As if someone somewhere was sticking pins in doonesbury a a or. Butts. Id go to cafes and notice How saturated the air was with cigarette smoke. If i was in my right mind i thought i d leave. But then Germany is gods Marlboro country so id never get to go anywhere. Id watch smokers performing their unnatural acts. Id see someone and think a now there s a Happy non smoker a then he she would pull out a pack of cigarettes. I came up with a song. Its called evil smoke Sung to the Tunc of pretty woman accompanied by the Nik teens on guitar smokestack records evil smoker please walk on by. Evil smoke gets into my eyes. Evil smoker please walk away hey. Evil smoke drifts through the Breeze. Evil smoker you make me wheeze. Evil smoker you ii be lonely wait and see. Evil smoker Stop awhile. Evil smoker Don 7 choke awhile. Evil smoker show a White smile to me eee. I talked about it with friends. A Are you hoping to quit without going through pain a Waltraud asked. Well it would be Nice. I can Only handle so much of that at a time. Or.  me a prescription for nicotine gum. The owner of the pharmacy said a nah yes i quit smoking two weeks ago using  a you smoked a gosh i always thought he had such a Nice shiny head he laughed. And continued to laugh a we also have patches that Transfer nicotine thru your skin. You can also have this Nice laminated a i will Stop smoking Calendar. Giggle Giggle take this take that a i arrived Home and called a Friend. A this Gums too expensive to Chew a no wonder he was laughing so hard. I spent Christmas eve at a Cousin s daughter s House. The baby was sick. No smoking. Perfect testing ground. I gave each smoking family member All men a stick. When i tried mine my head practically blew off a much to the consternation of the men who immediately ran off to the Kitchen to smoke dragging me along with them. I later realized that each piece of gum has As much nicotine As an entire pack of anything i smoke a perhaps another reason for the pharmacist s giggles. One Day i walked into our photo studio a or a Cloud of smoke rather a caused by sex nonsmoker Hans. A what arc you doing smoking in a non smoking area a a yeah ill have to quit one of these  so no i Haven to quit. Please done to crucify me for it. A no smoking areas have dwindled Down to the bathroom and bedroom. In a smoking in the car again though the trunk and Glove compartment arc still off limits. Several weeks ago i tried that gum again. Now i Only drool and foam at the Mouth so there a Hope. Perhaps what goes around once can come around again. The threat of chemical warfare did bring up the possibility of undiscovered realities. A just think a i told a Friend. A they might discover that smokers lungs have a protective lining that saves them from the effects Well be the Only ones to survive a a yeah a she responded. A you and the  Margit Joelo is a former stars and stripes artist who works in Mannheim Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany oni i Al s on the cover. St amps photographer Gus Schuettler s shot of Charles loft in shows the Veteran still reads about Wuu. From the cover .4-6 different visions on veterans Day. Andy Rooney .7 Youthful snapshots. Books and language.8-9 pages full of Richard Nixon and Oliver North. Odds amp ends .10 Cindy Chambers is sick of bad health. To plus a Lenny Young Nuin s old routine still a hit. Television listings 12-14  i Cable and satellite schedules. On the air.15 f figuring out War and Fth Ace through to a. Home entertainment 16 Quot Robin Hood makes it on video. Joe Bob Briggs .17 clocking Quot a time to die. A this weeks films 18-19 Chuck Vinch a House party 2�?� could be better. Complete cafes circuit listings. Classified ads .20-23 last laugh .24 Dave Barry discovers a fishy problem. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bueky Fox Art direction Peter Jaeger production Kelly Quinn editorial assistance Marian Hamilton Louis Pierce for Sis Arthur Travis Lenny Youngman lines up his jokes. Page 11. Page 2 a sunday november 10, 1991