European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 2, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                , Odds amp of a dismiss la i Judith Martin dear miss manners Over the past year my family and i have attended a few weddings and we Hope you can Tell us the proper etiquette when there arc leftovers at a reception. I say you should cat what you want and take Home any leftovers knowing that it would be a waste of food if it was not eaten. My family says you should eat what you want and leave the leftovers alone or take Home any leftover pastries Only if they arc served at each table and the Bride and Groom Don t mind if you take them. Gentle Reader what did you have in mind tapping the bridal couple on the shoulders during their last dance and asking them if you could run off with their had miss manners gathers that your plans involve More than taking Home two bites of wedding cake to put under your Pillow so that you can dream of your future spouse. Is going off with several layers of uneaten cake what you were considering it is kind of you to worry about food waste but that happens to be the problem of the hosts. Perhaps they have plans for it. Perhaps unless you plan to outlast them not everyone will be finished eating by the time you decide that there is enough to sustain you later. Miss manners has defended the practice of the so called Doggie bag at restaurants but there at least the diner has purchased the food. Guests arc offered refreshment at an event not a share of the investment for future use. Dear miss manners is there a tactful Way to ask someone who is serving and handling food to Stop Licking their fingers after each serving gentle Reader is this someone a professional server your hostess or your child who has been asked to help out at the table in the first Case you say a i would prefer not to eat food that has been handled a could you please get me a fresh serving a and if necessary complain to the management. In the third ease you say a Stop Licking your fingers dear Quot and haul the child off for a hand washing. The second Case would be the hard one. The phrase you need then is a no thank you i Don t care for any  dear miss manners please explain whether it is right or wrong for men to open doors for other men. Gentle Reader with the increase of gender free Courtesy miss manners Hopes that gentlemen As Well As ladies will learn to offer to help others and to accept such assistance graciously when it is obviously graciously intended. If being treated kindly makes people a feel old a miss manners does t want to hear about it. It is always Correct for one gentleman to hold the door for another in need of help for example one Laden with package Sand it is a sign of respect to do so for a gentleman who is higher ranking through either his position or his age. Dear miss manners i bought a granddaughter Wall plaque for my granddaughter in Law but have been informed that it was inappropriate to refer to her As such since i done to have a granddaughter. I have four grandsons i assumed that she automatically became my granddaughter. Should she be introduced As my grandsons wife gentle Reader who exactly is doing the informing Here miss manners suspects it is the same Nastiest who go around telling widows incorrectly that they can no longer Wear their rings or use their husbands names. Miss manners cannot think of any reason for insisting on distinguishing Between a granddaughter and a granddaughter in Law for someone who obviously feels it to be a warm and close relationship. Dear miss manners one of our co workers has been sent off to the county lockup for a few months and several of us who worked with him would like to Send a note to let him know we re thinking of him. A get Well card does no to Send quite the right message. A Best wishes could be misconstrued and a Good Luck is out completely. See what a quandary we re in we All realize that life a lessons arc a Little harder for some and that this particular lesson was probably appropriate under the circumstances but wed also like it not to be a completely negative experience. Can you help us do the right thing gentle Reader what exactly is it that you Hope will not be a negative experience jail or your card there a not much you can do that will Render the former agreeable. Nor is there anything you can do to assist in the teaching of the lesson you mention that would not also be disagreeable. The message for which you Are searching is a simple Quot we miss  you might add that you look Forward to his return a sentiment which he probably does not take for granted. United feature Syndicate it a s Al s aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 Lead with your differences. You Are special and unique. Show the world what you have. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 forgive and forget a Friend s recent transgression. Everyone deserves a second Chance. Aries March 21-april 19 do the Best that you can under the current circumstances. You can t fight City Hall. Taurus april 20-May 20 know where you want to go and develop the proper discipline that will get you there gemini May 21-june 20 Money matters beg for your attention. Do not ignore them. Come up with a budget. Cancer june 21-july 22 impulsive urges influence your relationship Stop and take the time to develop intimacy Leo july 23-Auq 22 be ready to help others with their career or financial problems you la Benefit As Well Virgo aug 23-sept 22 Don t neglect exer Cise and taking care of your health. Reward yourself with a new outfit. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 the foundation of your life is starting to crack. Don t be afraid of change. Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 if you attempt to Force an Issue with a Friend it will Only bring resistance. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec 20 your greatest gift is your ability to work with people keep them laughing Capricorn dec 21-Jan 19 things just can t move fast enough for you use your inner clock and practice patience Copley news service if fire Breaks out done to be literary a just Book it Erma Bombeck the Book of the month club posed an interesting question to its Board members recently. A a you re alone Reading in your favorite chair and you smell smoke. You must escape and can grab Only five books As you run out. Which ones would they be a Clifton Fadiman recalled a French artist who was asked the same question about paintings. If he were in the louvre and fire broke out which one would he grab he replied a the one nearest the  Fadiman followed with Tony but predictable works of literature he would Rescue ranging from James Joyce a Ulysses to the world of mathematics by James r. Newman. Since i have amassed an extensive Library i Laboured hard Over my personal decisions before i arrived at the following list of books i would save at some risk 1 Tom Clancy a the sum of All fears. As in the ease of the French artist saving a Book that weighs in at 797 pages would depend on How far from the door and How close to the floor it was. I paid big Bucks for this Book and fully intended to read it when it came out last summer but i have a bad Back. I cannot read it in bed because if it Ever slipped out of my hands it might crush my Chest. I can to take it on trips because it docs not fit under the scat in front of me or in the overhead rack. Its probably the most expensive thing i have in the House. 2 How to flatten your stomach. If All of my worldly possessions disappeared i would need this Book just to give me the will to go on living. Besides i love fiction. 3 baby s first five years photo album. Since it contains Only two pictures and a recipe for Apple Brown Betty it weighs nothing. Guilt and motivation to bring it up to Date make this one a sentimental favorite. It would also go a Long Way toward restoring my relationship with my son who communicates with me by fax since i threw his baseball cards away. 4 chips off the old Benchley by Peters grand father humorist Robert. The sharpest wit who Ever lived. I figure ill need a few laughs. 5 any Book on saving your marriage. I have a million of them a manuals written by experts on How to keep your relationship intact. This is a crucial Choice As i know the fire will be my fault because i left a Saucepan on the stove again with the Burner on and when the smoke alarm went off i figured dinner was done and ignored it. Universal press Syndicate \ it it a i 1 it i i \ Why musicians adopted names 1. Bob Dylan a tribute to Dylan Thomas 2. Wynona Judd a first name from town in route 66 3. Alice Cooper a wanted a Sweet name 4. Ringo Starr a wore lots of rings 5. To diddle a to diddle is an african guitar 6. Ray Charles a dropped last name to avoid confusion with Boxer sugar Ray Robinson source the rolling Stone encyclopedia of Rock and Roll Page 8 a sunday february 2, 1992