European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 8, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Quit plugging the College drinking holes Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in i was such a devoted and serious College student that i have credits from 37 different schools so i think i know what in a talking about when i say that this a no drinking on Campus stuff is just a Little bit out of line. One time at the University of Arkansas i was part of the a gang of seven who drank 94 cases of Coors in one week without leaving a dorm room. Think about it. Besides the sheer stamina this took we had to smell each other. Another time at Ole miss i was the runner up in the annual swill and spill Kamikaze mud slide where you skid on your butt Down a cattle Chute while trying to pour carry and drink a tequila shooter cashed with an old Milwaukee tall boy. I did no to spill a drop. I would have won but i temporarily lost my bearings and drank the tall boy first and chased it with the tequila. I went to Cal state Chico one time and showed the student body How to mix More healthful drinks like Jack Daniels and diet or Pepper. That la keep that body fat Down save room for the Keg later. So two things i really know about Are a College and b getting polluted in College and so what id like to say first is we should All remember to drink Only in moderation. We re talking social drinking Here. Next lets get Down to the real nitty Gritty about Why they have All these new Federal Laws telling the colleges that if they allow a lot of liquor on Campus they get All their Money Cut off. Listen up bozos All those Guys and gals in College Are voting age. Why done to you ask them to vote on it mothers have always wanted to eliminate alcohol from campuses. But who always stepped in and restored Freedom fathers. Arentt any of these congressmen fathers Are they All transvestites did no to anybody read Hemingway or get drunk with his old Man when these people were 18, did they really believe they were too stupid to make decisions about alcohol i doubt it a because now they re 62 and they done to realize they re too stupid to make decisions about restricting alcohol. Give these people their liquor Back. Its their decision not yours. Speaking of grotesquely deformed mutants with too much Power Basket Case Iii is finally Here and after 10 years the worlds most famous gnarly squashed octopus siamese twin in a Basket can still Chew neck with the Best of them. As far As i know Frank Henenlotter the writer and director of this series is the Only Man making serious handicapped rights films today but does he get any credit Frank May be the Only filmmaker who makes every single character retarded in one Way or another so that finally you can to Tell the loonies from the bin. As everyone knows from the last movie Duane went crazy after his Girlfriend died so he took a Kevin Vanhentenryc belial in Basket Case Iii. Baseball Bat to his mutant brother and sewed him Back on his body. Part 3 begins with Duane in a straitjacket belial refusing to come out of his Basket and All the other members of americans most popular mutant family boarding a school bus to go Down South and visit Little Hal a 3,000-Pound, six armed jello Mold with acne. Twelve dead bodies. Four breasts. Neck chewing. Mutant squishing. Face eating. Mutant sex. Closeup body sewing. Pregnant mutant breaking water. You done to Wanna know baby mutant 12-tuplets. Drive in Academy award nominations for Annie Ross As Granny Ruth the mutant mama for saying a sewing him Back on like that Wasny to the answer Duane Quot Kevin Vanhentenryc excellent As always As Duane the a a Normal brother for saying a can i have some pancakes a and Henenlotter and Edgar Levins for directing and producing the drive in series that defined the �?T80s. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless bureaucrat Alert the mount healthy drive in on Compton Road in mount healthy Ohio just North of Cincinnati is now the mount heathy drive in because one of the huge letters has blown off the screen some of the Neon Glass is broken on the Street sign and a this is usually the sign that the end is near a a Weed has grown so High that it covers the lower portion of the screen. It gets worse. Now the government of the City of mount healthy has bought it with government Money with plans to raze the theater and turn it into an Industrial Park. The mount healthy opened in 1948 with april showers starring Jack Carson and Ann Sothern. Thomas a. Long and Kenneth Jordan both of Cincinnati remind us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Joe Bob god bless America and what you re doing to save what made us great and imitated but never duplicated the world Over. Are there drive ins in other countries i done to know since you would have to probably catch dysentery if you used the refreshment stand. Brad Mandell Dublin Ohio dear Brad there Are drive ins in 54 nations of the world but most of Mem just have one or two screens. The Only real drive in countries Are the United states Canada Australia and Germany next to the army bases. Dear the Joe lobster in a this close to losing my spot on the local government Access Channel because of what were described to me As a Joe Bob Type attitudes on a rivalling High powered Lexington frequency the local Public Access Channel brother George on film is the show. Still waiting on a Call Back for a part in Jim Van Bebbere a Charlies family. Why can to i be you done to know if you remember me writing to you about showing Bob Novak your washingtonian bit. But i told him about your deep pocketed Eye Barb and he was none too Happy. He said a i done to know this Yahoo but he a obviously a left Wing pea Cenik non Patriot Acle card carrying Limp waisted non Christian Michael Kingsley resembling Foo Foo la George Maranville Lexington by. Dear George you misunderstood. I love Robert Novakos Eye sockets. Women get lost in them. Farm tractors get lost in them. Sometimes Evans gets lost in them and they have to fish him out with a bean pole. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to get free junk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Job Bob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas to 75221. Joe Bob s fax is always open 214-368-2310. Changeling real life into to sitcoms Linda Ellerbee a newspaper reporter called. He had a question. Actually he had several but they could be boiled Down to one is television Good or bad for us i do love the simple questions. The reporter seemed worried a decision by a to sitcom character to become a single Mother at age 43 might spawn a spate of pregnancies among real life unwed women television reporters. Or something. I recognize this syndrome. Its a state of anxiety we get ourselves in when we believe to teaches us How to behave. But does it docs life imitate Art or the other Way around if to Luvison docs teach us How to act there a Good news this season. Among the network offerings a some of which Are still running since their september Start a arc shows with premises that would actually seem to approximate situations in yes real life. Sometimes difficult situations. Murphy Brown is one. But not the Only one. In the Royal family the late Redd Foxx with Della Reese As his wife contended with their daughter returning to the nest a with three kids. Flesh no blood is about being adopted and in the Torkel sons a 14-year-old thinks she was switched at birth into a bizarre family. Reality yes because every 14-year-old believes that and so does every Mother of a 14-year-old, if you get right Down to it. Sibs starring Marsha Mason is about How it really is with Sisters being an Only child i can Only guess but to get to sibs you have to sit through a half hour show about a teen aged doctor and to say Dogic Howser resembles real life is like saying the american gladiators resembles a sporting match. The Point is shows about complications within families older children moving Back Home and confusions of birth have in common the notion that in the last decade of the 20th Century variety in the american family is not Only the spice of life it is life. Beaver Cleaver Donna Reed and doric Gillis need not apply. In 1992, father Dos not always know Best. If father is around at All. This is Art imitating life which perhaps is what to sitcoms should be. If we learn How people should he have from some of these shows Well and Good but history tells us this is not Likely to happen. Look at my generation. We grew up with the most sanitized Bowdler Zed family television in the history of the medium. Father did know Best. Mom wore an apron made Apple pies and chuckled Over Dennis escapades with his lemonade stand. Brother and sister argued about who could borrow the car for the sock hop on saturday night. Ozzie and Harriet lived happily Ever after. Life was complacent. Troubles were cute. Families were stable nuclear and that a what we grew up watching on television. Then after watching All this a Normal family Quot television we let our hair grow Long wore a lot of fringe and beads got stoned marched in the streets lived in communes fought the establishment burned draft cards stopped a War and brought Down a president. A Normal family television spawned Abbic Hoffman and Hunter Thompson. Grace Slick and Ron Kovic. Bob Dylan and Janis Joplin. A Normal family television gave us the �?T60s. A Normal family Quot television gave Ozzie and Harriet Ricky Nelson. King features Syndicate March 8, 1992 sunday a Page 1
