European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 15, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Words and wit Beltway tightens its ring around political circles William Saf Ireon language As other democratic hopefuls. That a a cliche. I Hope we can dispense with the transformation of the adjective hopeful into a noun. Begin again As democrats pressing their candidature. Academics will like that word but its in the same Prissy league As governance and polity besides what a wrong with candidacy begin again this is your last Chance As those Guys panting after the democratic nomination began to show primary results the Tel pundit Mark Shields said of gov. Bill Clinton a the won the inside the Beltway  the Beltway in this usage is the capital Beltway a circumferential Highway that enables traffic to skirt or bypass the City streets. In Many american Small towns such a traffic reliever is called a bypass. In Britain the term is ring Road or Ringway though some wish to Gentr Ify that to orb a Road. Shields was not referring to a primary in Washington do. Inside the Beltway is not a place but a state of mind used As a compound adjective the prepositional phrase Means a having the conventional Wisdom held by self described political insiders. The political term first appeared in the Washington Post atop a fishing Story in 1977 a a in Ide the Beltway Trout fishing  but not until 1983, according to my nexis search did its political insider sense come to the fore. In Newsweek an Anonymous democratic Campaign manager was quoted As refusing to derogate the possibility of a return by former sen. George Mcgovern a if he a perceived As a Man on a fool s errand that a still inside the Washington Beltway not the world As a  two years later the phrase still required a bracketed explanation. A United press International report from Washington quoted Mark Russell the humorist making this assessment of sen. Alan Simpson of Wyoming a Simpson epitomizes the Western disdain for1 inside the Beltway Washington know it alls a in 1991, sen. Charles Grassley of Iowa used the phrase in the Clarence Thomas hearings a Ordinary american people who look at things differently than Are looked at Here inside the Beltway a few now use the phrase to describe a the real inside Skinny Quot it is the title of a gossipy news column in the Washington times. Most prefer the sense of a showing insular thinking removed from the  John Leo the stylish essayist in . News amp world report assessed the opinions of a group of opinion tors about Pat Buchanan by pointing out that a almost every one. Comes from the same tiny Hothouse the inside the Beltway punditry  pop goes the Marlin president Bush a press Secretary the Moon faced Marlin Fitzwater has brought a touch of class to the 1992 Campaign. He has introduced poetic allusions to the daily press briefings. The White House press corps which prides itself on a Sand papered fingertip sensitivity to political Arcana has been struck dumb by this phenomenon. Nobody who has worked his or her razor Sharp elbows into the most coveted assignment in Washington has Ever started on the poetry beat. Here is the White House closet intellectuals blast at those democrats on the House ways and Means Marlin Fitzwater democrats equal weasels. Committee who have disdained the presidents economic plan a weasels going into a  a member of the poetic allusion watch Paw a Sam Abrams at the Rochester Institute of technology a was among those who spotted fitzwaters direct if slightly inaccurate allusion to a Nineteen Hundred and Nineteen a a 1928 poem by William Butler Yeats we pieced our thoughts into philosophy and planned to bring the world under a Rule who Are but weasels fighting in a Hole. The subtlety and aptness of fitzwaters slouching toward Yeats Are astonishing. The poet presages Bush a new world order in his plan to bring the disorderly weasel nations Down in the Hole Arena under the Rule of International Law. Fitzwater did not for obvious reasons Call attention to a later stanza we who seven years ago talked of Honor and of truth shriek with pleasure if we show the weasels twist the weasels tooth. Bush and his staff  evidently planning to leap Down in that weasel Hole to get in the fight. The new York times Long years with cigars Are going up in smoke Tony Kornheiser the other Day i got a letter from a Cigar company in Tampa offering me 42 cigars. They promised i could smoke As Many As i liked a All of them if i chose a and still get my Money Back if i did t like them. To sweeten the Deal they offered to Send me a watch absolutely free he Mem. A watch and cigars. 1  figure the connection. I mean when the publishers Clearing House letter comes de Mcmahon does no to offer me free underpants. 1 done to know How i got on a Cigar list in the first place. I thought Al products was a suburb of los Angeles. So if they re reaching out to me i figure the Cigar business must be going Down the tidy. In fact Over the past 30 years Cigar sales have dropped Over 60 percent. Some of this reflects the health concerns about tobacco products and the notion that the Only people who smoke cigars these Days Are people under Federal indictment. But i tend to attribute most of the decrease to nags like my aunt Sadie who spent the majority of her adult life Yelling at my Uncle Phil a a person could die from that  Uncle Phil would Roll up the car windows and smoke cigars As he drove us to grandmas House and when we got there grandma would ask a did you come by Way of mount St. Helen so women hate cigars. You done to have to be Sigmund Freud to realize women have Canatela envy. This is because cigars Are a Guy thing. You can Chew them and smoke them. Guys like Multi purpose items. This is Why Guys Send away for those gadgets that mix paint and clean fish. Like wine cigars have a connoisseurship. You never see women sitting around talking about a wine s delightful impertinence. You ask a Man what kind of wine he wants he gives you the varietal the cask and the year. You ask a woman she says  this is Why women make Good dates. Women hate not Only the Aroma of cigars one woman likened it to a an elephants Foo but they regard cigars As a prime example of the arrogance and self decreed superiority of men. They consider Cigar smoking a hostile act. This is bad because in be reached the age where i should be smoking cigars and american society has turned against them. I feel cheated. I thought when i hit 40, my life would be one fabulous whirl of red meat Brandy big cigars the size of Pool cues and Slinky women. Giving up red meat is one thing but what the hell happened to Slinky women now where can you go to smoke a Cigar 1. Your car. 2. Robert Blyus House. 3. Europe. Cigars Are yet another example of Manly rituals being taken from us men. Like dirty jokes. You can to Tell a dirty joke anymore for fear of coming in third in the new Hampshire primary. Where Are the great Cigar smokers now Churchill Groucho Kipling Milton Berle a1 Capone George bums. All either 90 years old or dead. Not exactly a growth Industry. Cigars have cropped off the evolutionary scale. You still get them after someone has a baby and you put them in your pocket where they remain until they shred apart in the Wash and Dye your wife a Pink brassieres Brown. On that note let me close with a joke i just heard. In a sure you will see How it  be More appropriate to this column. A Guy from Iowa walks into the lobby bar of the Empire state building. He sees two men drinking scotch and smoking cigars. He walks Over and says a a in a from Iowa and in a just amazed at How tall the buildings Are in this City a one of the men puts Down his Cigar winks at his Friend and says a Uttie amazing thing about these tall buildings is that they re not Only masterpieces of architecture but of aerodynamics. Even if you fall off the roof you wont hit the ground. You la fall for a while but the air currents will gather beneath you and gently waft you right Back up to where you fell from a a a you re pulling my leg. You think i am a Gullible Hick a says the iowan who by now has lit a Cigar. A a in la show you Quot says the new yorker. So All three men carrying their three cigars go up to the observation deck on the 86th floor and the new yorker jumps off. Down like a shot he goes for 75 floors and then sure enough near the Bottom his fall abruptly slows he stops in midair and gently floats Back up. A amazing Quot gushes the iowan. Quot you try it Quot suggests the new yorker. A there i la hold your Cigar Quot  and the iowan leaps off the Empire state building and Down like a shot he goes for 86 floors. No aerodynamic effect. No gentle up draft. Splatt crushed on the sidewalk like a Bug on a Windshield. Up on the observation deck the second new yorker takes a sip of his scotch and a puff on his Cigar and says to his pal Quot you sure Are a Nasty drunk  creators Syndicate Page 18 a sunday March 15, 1992