European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 10, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds is i n is a miss m a us Judith Martin dear miss manners when i was a child and was invited to friends Homes to play my parents did not permit me to go if they did no to know the friends parents. At the time i Felt they were hurting my social life and i resented it. Now my 5-year-old daughter is receiving invitations from her classmates parents for her to visit their Homes. I have chatted with these women at school and Felt that friendships might be developing. However the invitations done to often include me. I am feeling rejected by these women i am a stay at Home mom and i m fairly new in the area. My Only social contacts Are other moms. I can handle that i think. My real concern is my reluctance to Send my daughter into a Home in be never visited with people i done to really know at an age when she is not yet ready to take care of herself. There is so much in the Media these Days about children dying in shooting accidents in a friends Home and children being molested in situations where parents Are not there. I am genuinely scared. How do i handle these invitations without hurting my social chances or hers and without sending her into a situation she is not yet ready to handle gentle Reader. You Are trying to Deal with two different problems at once a your daughters social life and your own. Protecting her which is certainly your duty can be done without requiring that All her friendships be two generational. There is no offence in the Wisdom of asking who will be supervising the children while they Are at play. If it is not a Parent but some other caretaker you Are justified in chatting with the Mother or father about the person. They Are Apt to be quite Frank the Virtues and drawbacks of such employees being a major interest of working parents. Such talks May Well Lead to friendships. But since you do have the advantage of being at Home miss manners does no to see Why you done to solve both prob lems by inviting the parents and children to your House where you can observe them at Leisure for signs of trustworthiness to supervise your daughter. Dear miss manners How should a Job interview be handled if an applicant is asked about his salary requirements what is the proper Way to answer is it polite to ask Why a previous employee left or was fired if a company representative says hell Call should one be persistent if he does no to is it polite to ask Why one Wasny to hired and someone else was gentle Reader. Miss manners can hardly think of a Job in which polite persistence a the determination to pursue ones objective without becoming a pest a is not a virtue. If handled properly this should suggest to the employer that he or she need Only employ you to get you to Stop going after him or her and Start going after the company a interests. This includes showing enthusiastic interest in the company asking intelligent questions proposing a salary for oneself that is in the High Range of reasonableness writing afterwards to thank the employer for the interview and calling to find out whether a decision has been made. It does not however involve asking indiscreet questions about predecessors or successful rivals. If the company should have another opening you done to want the employer to have had to come up with an argument about Why you  do. Dear miss manners my Boyfriend and i were out for dinner in a restaurant and he used a nasal Spray while at the table. He tried to be discreet by slumping in his chair and turning his head. Would it not be proper etiquette for him to go and do this in the washroom besides the fact that this is a store bought Spray not prescription he feels that it is a necessity and that therefore he should be Able to use it in a Public place. Gentle Reader miss manners does no to much care for watching people Spray things up their noses especially at mealtime and neither she gathers do you. This should be sufficient reason for the gentleman to refrain from doing it even if it were not obvious that we Are not alone in this prejudice. But she is interested in his reasoning or rather rationalizing. Since when does the fact that a bodily function is necessary mean that it is All right to do it at the dinner table think about that one for a minute since your appetite is gone anyway. Unfold feature Syndicate Hok Osc op1 s Taurus april 20-May 20 now that you re on top of the world be considerate of those who helped along the Way. Komini May 21-june 20 take advantage of a downshift in Energy and rest. Soon it will be full Speed ahead. Cancer june 21-july 22 Money woes could be your downfall. Discuss cutting Back on spending with your partners. Leo july 23-aug. 22 keep in mind that with each hurdle you Clear you la get stronger. Take a running Start. Virgo aug 23-sept. 22. Your ship has come in. Enjoy the abundance of knowledge you be attained. Share the Wisdom. Libra sept. 23-Oci. 22 you have the gift of insight. Pay attention to what is revealed. Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 your thought patterns need to be adjusted. Discipline your mind with education and positive programming. Sagittarius nov 22-dec. 20 this is a Lucky period. You can expect a promotion at work or increased responsibilities. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 simplify your life. Take care of your Basic needs and concentrate on stabilizing your finances. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 your family provides great emotional support with a Happy Home life go Forth and conquer. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 your attention turns toward making Money. Work hard but Don t sell yourself Short. Aries March 21-april 19 self Confidence gets you through minor setback in your career. Strive to be the Best Copley news service reflecting on the pros and cons of having children Erma Bombeck for the first six years of my Man red life it looked like i was never going to celebrate mothers Day. The harder we tried to have a baby the More we failed. Had it not happened life would have continued but every mothers Day i reflect on what i might have been had i not had children. I might have had a Waist. Of so its not All that big a Deal to have an indentation to hang a Belt on but it might have provided a Point of reference for the rest of my body. I would probably be More Independent than i am. As it is i have never gone to the bathroom by myself driven in a car alone had my Teeth cleaned without an audience or had a private phone conversation. There is no doubt that i would have been More popular and better loved if i Hadnot become a Mother. I cannot imagine a childless life earning me As Many a i hate yous and As Many slammed doors and shouts of Quot Why can to you be like everyone else smother a without children i possibly would have had a big time goal. Done to pin me Down. Just something major like the one miss America has at the pageant when they ask her what she plans on doing with her life. I know for sure id have been taller. Somehow its hard to imagine a life with White rugs real Glass to drink from toilets that Are flushed and pencils by the phones. And then i am struck by what i would have missed had i not had children. Without them i would have stopped believing in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy Long before i had to. They kept my innocence intact. They made me laugh when i had no reason to. They surprised me with their maturity dazzled me with their insights and made me Richer than i Ever imagined i would be. Children gave me the most challenging career Ever offered to a woman with no skills and no previous experience. I would have missed a lifetime of Oatmeal kisses and awkward thank yous. But mostly on mothers Day i reflect not Only on what i am because of them but on a part of me that will always be. They Are the legacy of the love of two people. Universal press Syndicate it it ,7patron saints you probably did no to know 1. Patron Saint of to a Claire of Assissi 2. Astronauts a Joseph of Copertino 3. Lost articles a Antony of Padua 4. Telecommunications a Gabriel 5. Ladies hairdressers a Mary Magdalene 6. Cab Drivers a Fiacre 7. Mad dogs a Withney a Hubert is Patron Saint of healthy dogs source. Oxford dictionary of saints Page 10 a sunday May 10, 1992