European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 10, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices implant Deal can hardly be called artificial Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in now they be gone and outlawed artificial breasts because they were freezing up on so Many women and making their chests look like Relief maps of Switzerland. The biggest doctors in America weighed the comparative benefits a namely huge Gazonas a and the comparative risks a namely that your insides might turn All Mooshy and make you sick for the rest of your life a and decided that you ladies have got to Stop boosting those lob lollies with artificial Boob extenders. So this is Gonna be very interesting. Now every time we see a Nek kid woman in the movies we re Gonna be thinking a lemme see now How old is she i just wonder if she had those made up special during that historic period Between 1982 and 1992 when you could buy Hooters off the rack a and people will have arguments about it. A gnaw she a too Young for that. She of been More than 14 years old when Gar Bonza prohibition and then All the people who were thinking about having fake Bra busters put in right before the ban will be kicking themselves for the rest of their lives. And then the women who did get Mem before the ban will be so Golding proud of Mem a Honey they Arentt making these babies anymore a you know what happened the last time we had prohibition. The mob stepped in and sold liquor anyway. Speaking of women who get up front and personal Sunset strip is one of the Best topless bar flicks of the past two years a which May not sound like much until you realize there have been like nine thousand topless bar flicks in the last two years. What is the Deal with topless bars its actually a topless version of Flash dance if you can believe that and i Hope you can. The stunning Michelle Foreman is the sensitive Young interpretive jazz dancer who gets booed on Amateur night at the strip club for being a Klutz and forgetting to take off her clothes. That la do it fortunately there Are four special people in her life who Are determined that someday Shell have the courage and ambition to stand up for herself and rip off All her clothes in a room full of strangers. The first one is Jeff Conaway who has been in about 97 drive in movies in the last two years. This time he a the easy going affable charming topless bar owner who protects Michelle from the whining Weenie Boyfriend and the two mafia goons who try to rape her. Next is Helen Costa the old lady dance instructor who teaches the same things Martha Graham stood for a fall dance is a seduction a and encourages Michelle to hang out in topless bars to get in touch with her real dancing. Then there a Cameron that a her whole name a Michelle Clunie in the flick Sunset strip. Its one of those a a Twiggy deals. She plays the experienced exotic dancing Star Crystal who trains Michelle night and Day teaching her How to strip As though her life depended on it. And finally we have Michelle Clunie a Young top less dancer so determined to a make it As a topless Rock band Singer that she Falls in with the wrong people and ends up getting murdered a inspiring Foreman to become the Best she can be in Honor of the Best Damn Little dead stripper she Ever knew. Anyhow to answer your question yes there s a whole Lotta Nek kid women dancing in this movie. Eighty five breasts. One dead body. Twelve stripper routines. Two hot fistfights. Excellent Flash dance Ripoff scene. Pink Leotard fun. Feather Boa fun. Hot pants fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Shelly Michelle Best know As Julia Roberts body double in pretty woman As the Bitchy rival for saying a a in a sleep with him if i thought it would help Costa As the wizened old stripper for saying a you have the wings a the question is do you want to Fly a Conaway As the genial topless Host for saying a come on make him squeal like a pig and Paul Volk the director for doing it the drive in Way. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Yuppie environmentalist Alert the West Lane drive in just East of Al Macero calif., has been torn Down to be used As a Public compost Heap. No kidding. The City of Davis calif., uses it to grind up grass clippings collected by the garbage department then they Recycle it As compost Wood fuel and landscape cover for something called the Davis Community gardens. Carl Klein of Davis a fan of the defunct xxx drive in says a from grinding to grinder from lust to dust a and reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear editor san Francisco chronicles think in be found a Job for Laura Mccamy whose distaste for Joe Bob Briggs compels her to Tell the rest of us what to publish what to read and what to find offensive. She May be interested in a spot on the supreme court where similar assaults on the Bill of rights Are already in Progress. Guy Ridley san Francisco dear Guy too late for Laura but thank god we got a feminist in there. Dear Joe Bob Are you really honest to god a a Lesbo Phoben sounds like some obscure musical instrument. Probably something in brass requiring lots of Tongue and Finger work with maybe a slide like a Cross Between a trumpet and a trombone if so How refreshing. Fear of women who done to need men for anything seems a More logical response than the one professed by most would be studs a lesbians a yeah they re cute. Every Man should have do you also hold to the View that men who pose in playgirl Are fags an Odd old husbands tale a who would Ever think of calling miss july a Lesbo if so what a pity. From your picture and your writing it looks like you missed your calling. Tammy Richter . Air Force Kaiserslautern Germany dear Tammy its funny you should say that. In a learning to play the Lesb Phobe now. My Finger work is Fine but the Tongue work can be really Messy until you get used to it. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob. Or to get free junk in the mail and his world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs p o Box 2002, Dallas to 75221 Joe Bob s fax line is always open 214 368-2310.trying to focus the King verdict and riots Tor kids Linda Ellerbee the verdict was one Day old when the network called. A How fast can you put together a television program that explains the Rodney King verdict and subsequent rioting to kids Ages 8 to 12?�?� excuse me to my mind the question was Quot How do you explain this mess to kids at All Quot How do you make sense of that which seems to make no sense even to grown like Many americans i was confused by the verdict in what wed come to think of As a the Rodney King trial a although Rodney King Wasny to on trial or Wasny to supposed to be. How do you watch that videotape and not conclude that at least some excessive Force was used the Man was hit 56 times in 81 seconds. And the rioting Well rioting always confuses me. I called Allison a Wiser woman. Allison and i have been friends Many years. We worked together when i was at Abc news travelled together laughed much cried some. Allison and Rob have a 6-year-old son Tyler. This month Allison is scheduled to give birth to another son who will be named Cooper. Allison was less confused than i but sadder. Understandable. Allison her husband and their sons arc Black americans. That morning Allison told me Tyler had been playing in their front Yard. Across the Street some teen age boys were goofing around making noise teasing one another the Way teen agers will. Suddenly Tyler ran into the House crying. When Allison asked him what was wrong he said he was scared of the teen agers. A i done to want them to shoot me and i done to want the White policemen to shoot i asked Allison what she told Tyler when he said that. A i wanted to Tell him that the Black kids will never Hurt him and the White cops wont shoot him. I wanted to but we be told our kids so Many lies already beginning with the one about the melting pot. You know America the melting pot a How we re All equal All the same. Even kids know this in t True. We re not a melting pot. We re not the same. We re certainly not All equal. We should be a mosaic. In a mosaic there Are All these Little parts and pieces that Are so different from one another but put them together and they make one Beautiful picture. Call that picture our world. Or what our world should he. But we done to celebrate our differences. We done to. And that a too bad. Recognizing our diversity sharing our diversity a that show tolerance is developed. Melting pot my a what did you Tell Tyler a i told him there was a Man who was driving very fast and the policemen pulled him out of his car and beat him. I told Tyler everybody was real mad about How he was beaten but the policemen were put on trial and the jury decided they weren to Quot How did you explain that a a i told him the jury did what it was supposed to do the Law says you can to convict someone if you have reasonable doubt about their guilt. The policemen said they hit Rodney King because he was trying to hit them and none of the people on the jury was Black. I told Tyler people see things based on their own experiences. The people on that jury live in a Community where Many police officers live but very few Black people. The Dot it but existed in their own Heads and it existed because of How far apart we King features Syndicate May 10, 1992 sunday a Page 21
