European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 31, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Two lawyers Are sitting at the bar by Larry Mcshane the associated press Quot the first thing we do let s kill All the a Shakespeare King Henry i part. Very where John Bracken turns he hears another Nasty one liner from his Good buddy the doctor from Jay Leno on the tonight show even from his fellow attorneys. There a just no Justice when it comes to lawyer jokes. A i can to go anyplace that somebody does t have a lawyer bashing joke or some comedian unleashes a whole string of them. They cease to amuse me a said Bracken president elect of the new York state bar association. I3raekcn�?Ts not smiling but a lot of other people Are laughing out loud a especially those who pc been sued divorced injured or indicted. There a just something about barristers that brings out our basest instincts says Jess m. Brallier author of a new collection of lawyer lore through the centuries lawyers and other reptiles. A lawyers tend to inspire the creative juices of everybody a Brallier said. A the most inarticulate bum at the bar can throw a Good Zinger when it comes to an q what a the difference Between a lawyer and a Catfish a one is a garbage eating Bottom Dweller the other is a fish. Buralli cry a inspiration came on the Beach two sum mers ago while listening to his brother a physician rail against lawyers. Jjck began to think about a close Friend who was going through an ugly divorce. And another Friend the target of a lawsuit. A theme emerged. A within a matter of weeks 1 was Able to gather a great Deal of material Quot he said. Surprise Surprise. A i think we re the easy target Quot said Sandy d a Lem Byrte president of the american bar association. A it s incredible. Lawyers Are blamed for the failure of american business the failure of the american health care system the a amp a failures. People attack lawyers for the most incredible q what does a lawyer use for a contraceptive a a his personality. Lawyer jokes Cross All racial ethnic and social strata. An attorneys suspenders arc like crosshair on his Back lawyers Are comedy a fish in a barrel. They Are ridiculed As amoral greedy amoral crooked amoral cold hearted and often amoral. Howard Cosell is a lawyer. Richard Nixon is a lawyer. Torquemada was a lawyer at least in spirit. But Bracken says lawyers Are not the problem. And they re certainly not the solution others might add a anybody bashing Falls in the category of scapegoating a lets shift the focus from the real problems and do it just happens Quot he said. It happens so much that Brallier is assembling a second volume. Quot i be gotten letters from Canada. California Savannah Cia Quot he said. Quot it really touches a q How Many lawyers does it take to screw in a High bulb a How Many can on afford a do Alembert says the lawyer jokes have i placed the ethnic cracks of the past. Quot these Are All retooled jokes. It s no Long i Pohtio Cully Correct to Tell a polish joke so people Sav they re lawyer jokes Quot do Alembert a said. But lawyer bashing is no fail. It is one of the oldest and most revered traditions in the Civili cd world although the attacks of the past were fewer in number As were attorneys. It was 1787 what Flohn Quincy Adams observed a a the Mere title of lawyer is sufficient to deprive a Man of the Public not even death brings a respite for the harried lawyer. Consider this from the Tombstone of John Gill a revolutionary Cra attorney in Massachusetts a by lies when alive this attorney did thrive a and now that he a dead he lies there Are almost As Many lawyer jokes As there Are lawsuits. A random sampling of Legal laughs q How can you Tell when a lawyer is lying a a when his lips move. Q How can you Tell the difference Between a dead Skunk and a dead lawyer on the Road a there Are skid Marks in front of the Skunk. It Why does new Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps and Washington the most lawyers a a new Jersey had first Choice. Q if you were in a room with Hitler Mussolini and a lawyer and you had a gun with just two bullets what would you do a shoot the lawyer twice. Q what s Black and Brown and looks Good on a lawyer a a Doberman. Q what do you Call 100 lawyers chained together at the Bottom of the Ocean a a Good dead Elvis circus plays Onby Rafael Alvarez the Baltimore evening Sun it is one of the great oddities of pop culture. The official White House photo of Richard Nixon shaking hands with Elvis Presley in 1970 remains the most requested picture from the archives of the Library of Congress a postcard from the outer Vestibule of weird. It shows the business suited Nixon a tight smile wired across his face gripping Palms with a Leary eved King of Rock a no Roll the High Collar of Presley a shirt lapping Over a Black jacket draped across his shoulders a Gold Belt buckle above his fabled Pelvis gleaming like a giant Waffle. Elvis who looks bombed said he wanted to warn Nixon about the threat of drugs to Young people. Nixon hoping to get in Good with teen agers by posing with Elvis As the Woodstock nation spat on everything both men stood for made Presley an honorary agent in the drug enforcement Agency. You make it up better than this. Who could explain such a Summit Joyce Bova. The daughter of a Baltimore vice squad cop says she can. Bova claims to know a handful of the secrets left from a Lush life grazed Down to dust. Even Priscilla Presley a autobiography cannot account for her husbands abrupt visit to Washington in december 1970. Elvis did no to hop a commercial jetliner without his bodyguards just to show up unannounced at the White House. The King was in the capital says Joyce Bova to woo her Back into their secret Romance to beg forgiveness for mistreating her to ask her to come Back to him. Nixon and the drug crazed hippie youth of America were merely an afterthought. A the got on a plane All by himself and came looking for me a said Bova sitting pretty in the lobby of a Baltimore hotel not too Long ago telling stories she has mostly kept to herself for the last 2 1 years testing the Media Waters in her old Hometown to see How the Story plays. A the told me he just sent a note in with a guard at the White House Gate. I said a you just waltzed in to see Nixon a a he did stopping now and then along the Way to show fans his rings and belts and collection of Law enforcement badges. Joyce Bova is a House of representatives armed services committee aide who lives in a Greenbelt md., apartment building with her twin sister Janice and a three legged poodle named Francoise. She claims to have known an Elvis no one else could fathom and to Tell you about it she has typed out Many hundreds of pages from her diary about their times together from 1969 to 1972a Book ghost written by a new York City author that has not yet found a publisher. A file was drop dead gorgeous the absolute picture of health the most Beautiful Man in be Ever seen or will Sec when i met him a magnificent vision but he was a very Complex Man a said Bova who met Elvis before one of his Las vegas concerts in 19n9. Quot he said to me that he could live without the wealth if he had to that he grew up in poverty and he could live that Way again. I said a come on Elvis if somebody did no to stand next to you with a Glass of water you know where to find Bova has More than a few stories to Tell How Elvis made her dress up the same Way he encouraged Pris cilia to dress in Beehive hair Dos and heavy makeup How he Sang the first time Ever i saw your face especially for her during a show at the Baltimore civic Center in 1971 and How he was Quot sometimes fiery sometimes tender in bed. A the was egocentric a he never shunned a person who came up to him never. He was gracious like a big kid. Wed pull Over to the Side of the Street and head show these people his rings and his Belt. He loved it but god knows i could not have lived that kind of life for any stretch of time. He wanted me at his Beck and Call Quot she said. A but it was important for me to be my own person and it baffled him How he could not control Joyce Bova the Little girl who grew up to be pres Leys Paramour says she finally walked away from Elvis because the life he led would have destroyed her. May 31, 1992 sunday a a
