European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 31, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh this dog video Isnit much to bark Home about Dave Barry i pm always amazed when people ask a what Good arc dogs anyway a dogs Are extremely useful. Dogs Are so useful in a surprised they re not widely sold in vending machines. Quot you got any change i need a  this nation was built on the sweat and drool of dogs. When the Early Pioneer settlers trekked Westward in their wagons they always had Pioneer dogs trotting alertly in front of them keeping a keen Eye out for threats Barking at Prairie dogs Cactus plants sunsets the Moon suspicious constellations etc., never ceasing in their vigilant usefulness until finally they reached the Pacific Ocean and turned around Ami noticed that they were All alone because the set tiers had been wiped out by bears just outside of Pittsburgh. The descendants of these courageous canines Are still on the Job today protecting american households from deadly dangers such As easter Candy. My friends Cine and Arlene had their House protected from this threat this past easter by their dog Clementine who the night before found the easter Candy and sensing the potential danger to the children courageously ate it All including a Pound of icily Beans and 100 Hershey a kisses with the wrappers still on. Then Clementine a Cal around vigilant la throwing up colourful artistic patterns All Over the household until morning when she climbed up onto Little Molly s bed and in the proud protective tradition of Lassie and Kin tin tin threw up on Little Molly. Happy easter it s Little wonder that dog owners Are always looking for ways to say a thank you a which is Why today i m pleased to announce an exciting new Advance video for dogs. I found out about this when Alert readers Emily Johnston and James Moore sent me an advertisement from an outfit called weekend shopper stating that for $19.95 you can order Doggie adventure the worlds first video for dogs there a a photograph of a Large dog sitting with his nose approximately one billionth of an Inch from a to screen looking Alert. A amazing but t Rue a states the and. A dog owners across the country Tell us their dogs absolutely love this  i had my doubts. Our two dogs Earnest and Zippy show no interest in television. They get their electronic stimulation directly from the dog satellite which was secretly launched by Nasa in 1972. It orbits the Earth and emits rays that humans cannot detect but that make dogs crazy which is Why they re always leaping up and Barking angrily for no apparent reason. Nevertheless i ordered Doggie adventure. When it came we brought Earnest and Zippy into the to room. A watch the to a we told them which of course made them Rush up to us in Case we were telling them we had food. A no a we said pointing. A the to look to a j we should have just smeared Peanut butter on tic screen. Eventually we got them pointed the right Way and we started Doggie adventure. Its filmed from a clogs Point of View so you re looking through a camera that a two feet off the ground. The video is 25 minutes Long during which you As the dog have various clog adventures such As waking up going downstairs going for a car ride chasing ducks going to a pet Szorc and making Weece. I am not making this up. The camera trots up to a fire hydrant sniffs around it and suddenly from off camera a Stream of liquid splashes onto the hydrant. Quot i can to believe we re watching this a my wife said. Quot the dogs Arentt watching it a my son pointed out. Which was True. Earnest and Zippy who have higher entertainment standards than we do were looking out the window and growling at suspicious Trees. They totally ignored Doggie adventure. For comparison purposes i also showed the dogs King Kong is. Godzilla a videotape i purchased at toys a or Quot us for $9.99. This is the one with the scene do they really want videos of their own wherein the japanese army knocks out King Kong by bombarding him with rockets filled with the juice of narcotic berries which were obtained from an Island whose natives Are attacked by a giant octopus. Really. There a also an excellent scene in which Tokyo residents Are Riding in a commuter train and the conductor makes the following announcement a attention attention Godzilla is approaching a it sounds As if this is a regularly scheduled occurrence. Which i suppose it is around Tokyo. People Are probably always asking the conductor a is this a Godzilla or a non Godzilla train a anyway the dogs did no to care for this video either. But my son and i found it far More interesting than Doggie adventure plus its half the Price. So if you need a dog video this is the one we recommend. Or you could just throw a stick. The Miami Herald l  a military life in Europe by Charles Kaufmanis your army Post or air base closing Down pvt w5 your Chincio Jod Quot. Or Vij Germai to us a. A Val 6 t4�ps. There Are Many opportunities to be last at something in your military  Vagt a pen Ihrl l a 04. At Ohr you. A f fax it t 1��?T1&Quot f t mgt Var Frt Quot t tar hair at z. Del a Swul pub 1 to a a a Vawl her Vav this the a. Page a sunday May 31, 1993