European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 8, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A Odds amp ends miss us Judith Martin dear miss manners is there a training class for ladies too gently bred salespeople address me As Hon or Honey. I sometimes seem invisible a people walk right into me. Sometimes i feel Tike opening the window and screaming a i m mad As hell but i doubt anyone would notice. I should have realized How life was to be when i was in kindergarten. All of the children were lined up to get shots. All were screaming except me. All the screamers were Given pieces of Candy. I got none. Gentle Reader is it too late for miss manners to offer you some Candy she desperately wants to keep you from finding those training classes that a by substituting such names As a assertiveness Quot As a disguise for rudeness a do indeed exist to turn gentle people rough. But do you really feel you need to add yourself to the number of screamers in the world would it even help you Are quite right in believing that no one would notice your screaming in the general Din. However the belief that you must choose Between being a rude Success and being a polite victim is a Masc one. Etiquette is not without its polite defences and they Are often More effective than retaliatory rudeness. Miss manners can understand that a child would not think of saying a i would like a Candy too please Quot and deplores the callousness that created the situation you describe. But surely you Are old enough now to say firmly a a that a May am not Hon if you  dear miss manners i am planning now for my daughters Sweet 16 party she is now 14. I want it to be an occasion she will not forget. Should there be a maid of Honor gentle Reader not unless you want it to be memorable As the Day your daughter lost her friends. Miss manners has nothing against you giving a Nice birthday party for your daughter. How Nice that you want to plan that it be a special one. But to make a pseudo Bride of her is As inappropriate As it is Foolhardy. No doubt your daughters friends arc also turning 16 at More or less the same Lime she is. To ask them to celebrate with her is one thing no doubt they will be Happy to do so. But to ask even one of them to attend her unless they Are All having such parties and plan to take turns attending one another is a colossal mistake. Bridesmaids understand that they will probably have a turn at the Central role. Ladies in waiting who serve reigning monarchs know they wont but they make it up in social prestige. Neither Reward can be expected of a teen Ager asked to glorify one of the group for a Milestone they Are All reaching pretty much at once. Dear miss manners i married a Lovely woman who has an 11-year-old son and we have applied to probate court to have me adopt him. There is to be a hearing but it will be a Mere formality As the application is already effectively approved. 1 am excited about this As Are my wife and John. We want to share this excitement with our families and close friends who have already been supportive of our marriage and of the three of us becoming a family. How do we word an announcement of the adoption without seeming to be digging for gifts we really do not want to receive any gifts. The adoption is gift enough for Alt of us. Gentle Reader. Putting the question of presents aside for one moment miss manners fails to understand Why you want to Send a formal announcement of the adoption to people who Are As close to your new family As you have indicated. Surely sharing the excitement Means telling them in your own words perhaps even throwing a Celebration. Even for the birth of a baby miss manners much prefers the personal note to any sort of mass announcement. And while Nice people will not consider this event a demand for tribute Many of them Wilt want to show their Delight in a tangible form. Miss manners trusts you will thank them graciously. United feature Syndicate 1 a it s on Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 put your Money worries on the Back Burner. Work on something else Tor now. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 changing your style might Cross your mind at this time. Experiment by wearing different colors. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 you have Many questions about religion and spiritual beliefs find the answers that Are right for you. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 friends Are out of touch or Are too Busy to return your Calls. Wait it out. Feb. 19-March 20 Don t Start any new projects now. Concentrate on completing those you have already begun. Aries March 21-april 19 travel plans hit a Snag. Adjust your schedule to accommodate this recent development. Taurus april 20-May 20 the people you meet Are powerful and can be instrumental in your plans. Gemini May 21-june 20 work As an apprentice to enhance your skills. From Woodwork to typing the Choice is yours. Cancer june 21-july 22 organization is your key word. In All areas of your life put your affairs in order. Leo july 23-aug. 22 romancing someone special is not going to be easy. Back off and let them pursue you. Virgo aug. 23-sept, 22 there a a heavy emphasis on family matters. Stay close to Home and Deal with them. Lisa sept 23-oct. 22 you have not lost your mind. It s Only the planets playing tricks on you. Relax. Coplay news service dating games becomes a lets make a deals Erma Bombeck at a time when women Tike me should have Billfold bulging with pictures of grandchildren we re walking around with snapshots of our kids with their dogs and cats. Today a generation changed the rules. Instead of performing the mating dance of panic in High school and College they formed pods of friendships. Now they re in their 30s and looking for a permanent monogamous relationship. Forget or. Right. Or. Will try is viable. I know some anxious mothers who refuse to sit by and wait for their kids to get off the dime. If Sarah a brother a sister in Law has a Nephew with a pulse she arranges a Date. I can t do that. Id be looking for a Nice girl who had read All my books and helped me Clear the table after dinner. My kids would be looking for someone who looks like a Centrefold and owns her own nordic track. A few weeks ago time Magazine offered a look into the future of the dating game. Humorist Merrill Markoe predicts that during the next Century sex and dating will be so dangerous because of communicable diseases and personality disorders that Only the thrill seekers will try it. A they la be the same people today a she writes a who do things like bungee jumping sky surfing or eating at  that a depressing. So what a the answer maybe we should take a second look at arranged marriages. Look at All the time singles could save by not hanging around bars laundromats or Church mixers. Expectations have always run too High in the minds of unmarried. Why not try no expectations that used to work i remember the great scene from fiddler on the Roo where tevye asked Golde the wife who was chosen for him a do you love me Quot she could t believe he had to ask after 25 years. Love Wasny to something you declared in. The dark beneath the sheets it was daily. It was sharing forgiving understanding and sacrificing. It was tolerance patience and gentleness toward one another. I asked one of my kids the other night if he would Trust his father and me to a arrange Quot something Between a girl who would bring her own car and her own medical coverage to the marriage. He thought a moment. A if she looks like Sharon Stone a we a   no Kinnem foreign cart owned by american companies 1. Jaguar Ford owns 100 percent 2. Lamborghini a Chrysler owns 100 percent 3. Lotus a general motors owns 100 percent 4. Aston Martin a Ford owns 75 percent 5. Saab general motors owns 50 percent 6. Isuzu a general motors owns 40 percent 7. Mazda a Ford owns 24 percent 8. Maserati a Chrysler owns 15 percent buy  buy 7w� Book by Eric Utcowitz ten Speed press Page 10 a sunday november 8, 1992