European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 8, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse L last laughs More than a Diamond in that horrid song rough Dave Barry in a recent column i noted that certain songs Are always getting played on the radio despite the fact that these songs have been shown in scientific Laboratory tests to be bad. One example 1 cited was Neil Diamond s Ballad / am i said in which Neil complains repeatedly that nobody hears him Quot not even the i pointed out that this does not make a ton of sense unless Neil has unusually intelligent furniture. A emr. Diamond your Barc Lounger is on line Well it turns out there Are major Neil Diamond fans out there in Reader land. They sent me a Large pile of hostile mail with Mouth froth spurting out of the envelope seams. In the interest of journalistic fairness i will summarize their main arguments Here a dear puke nose a just who the hell do you think you Are to blah blah a great artist like Neil blah blah blah More than 20 Gold records blah blah How Many Gold records do you have you scum sucking wad of blah blah i personally have attended 1,794 of Neil s concerts blah blah what about love on the Rockfol huh what about Cracklin Rosie blah blah if you had one tenth of Neil s Talent blah blah so i listened to heart Light 40.times in a Row and the next Day the cyst was gone and the doctor said he had never seen such a rapid blah blah what about play me what about song Sung blah cancel my subscription if i have so we can clearly see that music is a matter of per Sonal taste. Person a May hate a particular song such As havin my baby by Paul Anka who i suspect is also Neil Sedak and person b might love this song. But does this mean that person b is wrong of course not. It simply Means that person b is an idiot. Because some songs Are just Plain bad and havin my baby is one of them and another one is bad bad Leroy Brown that s not merely my opinion. That s the opinion of Many readers who took time out from whatever they do which 1 Hope does not involve operating machinery to write letters containing harsh remarks about these and other songs. To judge from Reader reaction the Public is a lot More concerned about the Issue of song badness than about the presidential election Campaign which by the Way is Over so you can turn on your to again. It s not just the Public. Its also the Media. I put a message on the Miami heralds newsroom computer system asking people to nominate the worst Rock song Ever and within minutes i was swamped with passionate responses. And these were from newspaper people who Are legendary for their cold blooded non involvement a i realize this is a bad time for you mrs. Weemer but could you Tell me How you Felt when you found or. Weemer a head even the managing editor responded arguing that the worst Rock song Ever was a whichever one led to the second other popular choices were a horse with no name performed by America Billy Don t be a hero by to Donaldson and the Heywood Kung fun fighting by Carl Douglas Copacabana by Barry Manilow me and you and a dog named boo by Lobo seasons in the Sun by Terry jacks feelings by various weenies precious and few by some people who make the weenies who Sang feelings sound like Ray Charles the Pepsi song by Ray Charles Muskrat love by the Captain and Tennille every song Ever recorded by Bobby Goldsboro and virtually every song recorded since about 1972. A it s worse than Ever a is How my wife put it. Anyway since people feel so strongly about this Issue i be decided to conduct a nationwide Survey to determine the worst Rock song Ever. I realize that similar surveys have been done before but this one will be unique. This will be the first Rock song Survey Ever to my knowledge that i la be Able to get an easy column out of. So i m asking you to Send me your nominations in two categories worst Overall song and worst lyrics. In the second category for example you might want to consider a song i swear i heard Back in the late 1950s, which i believe was called gins grow up fas Ter than boys do. In be been unable to locate the record but the chorus went wont you take a look at me now you a ii be surprised a t what you see now in a everything a Girt should be now. Thirty six Twenty four thirty five in a sure you can do worse than that. So write your two nominations one song in each category on a postal card a not a letter a and Send it to bad song Survey co Dave Barry the Miami Herald 1 Herald Plaza Miami Fla. 33132. Send your card today. Be in with the a a in crowd. Well have Joy Well have fun so crackling Rosie get on Board because Honey i miss you. And your dog named boo. Tha Miami Herald military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman Page 28 a sunday november 8. 1992
