European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 8, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Quot voices shooting of those another blowups about Vietnam Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in i was telling Wanda Bodine that it has been a Long time since in be seen a Good exploding Bamboo movie where they just Crank it up and blow off the Heads of Viet Cong soldiers. You know that Way they die in the movies they pop out from behind a Palm tree in their Little Mousey Tongue jackets raise their Rifle and fire 4,000 rounds directly toward the camera. All of the rounds miss the camera and All the american soldiers in the movie. Then somebody like Jan Michael Vincent takes aim with a pistol fires twice and the trigger Happy Viet Cong Rifleman with the bad eyesight throws his arms up in the air shakes his whole body like a Man doing an epileptic Monkey dance and then Falls Forward head first Over a log. Sometimes there a nothing on the other Side of the log except a 100-foot drop into a swamp. A a How come they always fall Forward a Wanda Bodine was asking me. A what do you mean a a it just seems like if you got shot in the stomach or the head you would fall backward. A this is the kind of question Wanda has been asking lately. Its really irritating. So i told her a if he fell backward we get to witness the death Quot what Are death throes a a you know that part right before he Dies where he jerks around like a Catfish with a thumb in his a yeah and Why does he do that a Wanda does no to know the slightest thing about How movies Are made. A so Well know which Side he son. If he was on our Side it would take him 10 minutes to die and head save 40 orphans by throwing his body on a live anyhow that a not the Point. The Point is that finally after 20 years they still can to make a real Vietnam movie. Have you noticed that every Nam flick a no matter whether they Star Stallone or Chuck Norris or whoever a always takes place after the War is Over i m not counting Art films like apocalypse sow. In a talking about old fashioned War films where there san enemy and the goal is to kill the enemy Stallone is always going Over there to Rescue missing in action prisoners. Chuck rescues Las and orphans. Then there a a whole Bunch of assemble the squad pictures about Nam where some Guy is lost Over there or held in a secret Viet Cong Dungeon and so All his old buddies Call each other up and say a they buddy Are you with us its time to assemble the squad Quot and then 10 minutes later these Guys Are quitting their jobs climbing into camouflage suits getting their m-16s out of the garage and getting ready to Boogie. In other words its Only of to blow away Cong Jillian Mcwhirter and Jan Michael Vincent in the explosive beyond the Call of duty. Soldiers after they be stopped fighting. Is this a great country or what a by the Way a Wanda asked me a Why do they always blow up the guard Tower and Why does the guard always jump out of the guard Tower before it blows up a some things cannot be explained to women. A because it looks neat a i told her. Quot it makes us think we won the Gold urn anyhow what in a leading up to is beyond the Call of duty the latest flick from the King of filipino directors Cirio a what can we blow up today Santiago. The following is the Complete plot of this movie rat a Tat a Tat a Tat Kaplo Ocy rat a Tat a Tat a Tat. Jan Michael Vincent rebel american Soldier furrows his brow and starts evacuating his men from Nam. Two Hundred fifty four dead bodies a the modern record. No breasts. Drive in Academy award nomination for Vincent for saying a you know i m a family Many to the woman he a sleeping with until he gets Home to the states. Two stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless bureaucrat Alert the studio drive in in Culver City Calif., was originally scheduled to be ripped Down after 42 years to be replaced with a housing Complex a because the government wants it that Way. The owners were still making Money but something called the Culver City redevelopment Agency sent their commissars in to Deal the death blow. Fortunately the big shot Developer started fighting with the Agency and eventually backed out of the Deal and now its Gonna stay open for at least one More year. Postcard heat would help. Laurie Specter of Hollywood reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Joe Bob greetings from the Home of Island drive in do Adrienne Barbeau movies discuss the duality of Man Lewis Hurwitz Almeda Calif. Dear Lewis i hate it when you Guys make the question funnier than i can make the answer. Dear or. Briggs your Point on aids god sending it a to show How mean. A healthy Man can be toward a sick Many is Well taken. At the risk of belittling and offending my stupid Christian Brethren i will Point out that god rarely punishes people directly on Earth but he does allow you to sin and suffer the consequences. Aids and much else is a matter of reaping what you sow. The disease would not exist if people behaved and some christians can to resist the urge to say Quot i told you but if we lose our compassion god will judge us All the More harshly because we ought to know better. The fundamentalists want Justice and i seem to be in a Small minority. I wonder what god will Send us next. James Isaak Hillsboro Ore. Dear Jimbo aids would not exist a if people behaved James James James James James nobody behaves James. Nobody. In a surprised if they done to teach this at your Church. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob. Or to get free junk in the mail or his world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs. . Box 2002, Oaias. To 75221. Joe Bob s fax line is always open 214-368-2310.turned-off people turned into turned on voters Linda Ellerbee this was just the weirdest Campaign you Ever saw Wasny to it after the persian Gulf War it would have been difficult to persuade most people especially the Many professional pundits and pontificator among us that there would even be much of a Campaign in 1992. A grateful nation was going to Trot out information and simply renew George Bush a License for four More years. A Coronation. Period. Did no to happen that Way. Anything. Why did t this year turn out the Way it was supposed to the Economy you say yes but there arc other reasons the Campaign of 1992 went ballistic. One is that the world of politics is usually 30 years behind the world of thought. When John Kennedy said the Torch had been passed he meant to his generation. Meanwhile a new generation was about to come of age. Much has been written about us about who we arc How we be been what we be done or at least dreamed but the main thing to know about us is we re big. There arc so Many of us. And we be been coming of age for so very Long. Now Here we arc. Middle aged and mad. And one of the things we be Given the most thought to and Are maddest about is How presidential political campaigns arc conducted a and covered. We re disgusted with the whole process and our anger and disgust made a major difference in this Campaign. As much As any time in memory the people set the Agenda. From the very beginning of the Campaign the people said to the politicians we done to want your stinking photo bps. We done to want your Slick slogans or your negative ads. We done to want your slurs and innuendo. We done to want your spin doctors. Answer our questions. Give us the issues or goodbye. The people said that and went on saying it until the politicians left with Little recourse almost stopped trying the other stuff. Almost. No they never did answer some of our most Basic questions. Did Bill Clinton every really explain How he could tax Only the Rich and provide More programs and decrease the deficit did George Bush Ever really explain what his program to fix the Economy was or Why he did no to have one for four years and Ross Perot who understood so Well that getting people to laugh was easier than getting people to think a did he Ever really explain what he d do if we gave him the Job no they did no to. None of them. Plus there Are still too Many polls and from the press still too much horse race handicapping. Yet throughout this Campaign the people refused again and again to let the politicians or the journalists sink to their natural Levels. They even met with some Success. There was More talk of issues this year. There was More coverage of issues. I think we should celebrate ourselves. If in the United states of America its the duty of every citizen to keep his or her Mouth open then in 1992 we have for the most part done our duty. It has been extremely weird. It has been noisy. But that a Why they Call it a democracy. All Power to the people a a generational sentiment that still applies. King features Syndicate november 8. 1992 sunday a Page 21
