European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 15, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices when Turkey turns to a the dating game Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in a turkish producer named Apo Oguz a in a not making this up a recently bought the rights to the dating game and now its a hot to show in Turkey. Can you imagine a Welcome to the dating game Akmal. Tonight you la be choosing your dream Date from among the three women behind this screen. Well actually they re not just behind the screen. They re also hiding their faces behind Muslim veils hanging Down from a Horsehair Cap. And actually now that i think about it its not just the three women Over there. They All brought their mothers too. And i should probably Tell you one other thing Akmal. Those arc their fathers Over there in the wings the ones with the baggy balloon pants holding five foot curved scimitar like Yul Brynner in the King and /. All right Akmal Good Luck lets play the dating and remember this is the country that invented the harem so what kind of questions Are they Gonna get a Bachelorette number one if i bought you from your father what romantic things would you say to me in the cellar of concubines that night a a Bachelorette number two you sound like a very pretty girl. How Many goats do you think you re Worth a a and Bachelorette number three if i came to you one night and told you i had Cut off a greeks arms and left him bleeding in the Street but had wounded myself in the Arm what cute things would you do to Comfort me a or what if the tables were turned and they had a woman sizing up the male mystery dates a Bachelor number one if you took me to a restaurant on our first Date and i asked you to order for us would you choose the skewered Mutton the tripe in a Vine Leaf or squid Yogurt on a Cracker a a Bachelor number two sometimes when i need to get in a romantic mood i might need you to screech and Wail like a castrated Peacock while strumming a Skinny guitar. How Are you on the Bou Zouki fiddle a a and Bachelor number three i love to drive fast. If we were in your sports car on the Ankara Highway and i wanted you to pass All the traffic by driving on the wrong Side of the Road How far would you go even if we were driving a Lada at night that had no headlights and was about to drop its transmission Quotin be gotta see this show. Speaking of Low rent culture clashes collision course is a cop movie Jay Leno and Pat Morita made three or four years ago but it was Only recently released because the distributors figured what the Heck they could capitalize on All the recent publicity and make a Buck off his name. Done to you just hate these people exploiting Pat Morita All the time six dead bodies. No breasts. Three motor vehicle chases with two crash and Burns. Two gun Battles. Drive in Academy award nomination for big Jay for doing it the drive in Way his first time out. Three stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless bureaucrat Alert the Sepulveda drive in in los Jay Leno and Pat Morita in collision course. Angeles is being torn Down soon to be made into a City bus Yard. Frold Kress of Culver City reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear or. Briggs which i know is not your real name but ill play along it seems that the excuse used for every mean spirited and even hateful attack on any group these Days is that its Only Andrew Dice Clay Rush Limbaugh . Of Rourke Joe Bob Briggs and Many others claim not to be bigots attacking others because of race sex ethnicity politics or whatever but satirists. Well satire requires two important elements a a skilled satirist and an audience sophisticated enough to get the joke. Do you really think you Are in the same league with Mark Twain . Mencken or will Rogers writers who had the skill to effectively use satire and who recognized its limitations even if you Are Are you certain your audience realizes your intent you dismiss your critics by saying they take you too seriously so Isnit it Likely that your fans also take you seriously Are people Reading what you write and thinking a my that a a Clever social comment a or Are they saying Quot All right 1 hate Dykes too a somehow i done to think Many a Joe Bob goes to the drive in readers arc comparing you to moli6re. Labelling something a a satire does no to absolve you from responsibility for its effect no matter what your intent May be. Nor docs a Freedom of speech a another favorite term of those seeking to avoid the consequences of their dissemination of intolerance. And please done to use the favorite cheap trick of every demagogue and accuse me of being an a elitist Quot who thinks the average person is too stupid to recognize satire. This is America 1992. Look at the Public schools. Look at Dan Quayle. Look at Louisiana. Hell yes the average person is stupid. Thais Why this country is in the shape its in. That s also Why satire is a dangerous thing if not used carefully. . Jeffries fort Worth Texas dear r.i., As you know All my instincts Are clamouring for me to make a smart ass reply. In a Gonna give you a straight answer instead we be got to Start laughing at this stuff. I done to hate anybody and i done to think . Of Rourke does either or Rush Limbaugh or even Andrew Dice Clay. We do hate lies especially when they re spoken in the name of some self righteous beyond reproach special interest group with some fancy Letterhead. Satire is not fair. Never has been. This is where i normally make my smart ass remark. I can to think of one. See the bastards Are getting to me too. Creators Syndicate to discuss the moaning of Lite with Joe Bob or to get tree junk m the mail and Joe Bob s world Lamous we a a Tho weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs. . Box 2002, Dallas to 75221 Joe Bob s tax line i always open 214 368-2310.clinton�?Ts Victory reflects the sum of All Hopes Linda Ellerbee it was raining. I turned the Corner and stopped and stared. On the opposite Corner was my polling place a Small recreational Center in the neighbourhood of arc Cunich Village in new York City. It was 9 of clock on tuesday morning and dozens of people were streaming toward that building coming at it from All directions silently briskly and purposefully. Wet people. I joined them. Inside waiting on line for almost an hour i saw neighbors i Sec regularly and neighbors i Haven t seen in years. There was in the room. Physical Energy. Bodies seemed to be saying a ulc Mac at that Booth a As if it were a voodoo doll to Stab with pins. There was diversity in that room too. We were women and men old and Young Gay and straight Black and White and yellow and red wealthy Middle class and poor. Some of us spoke with accents. Some were in wheelchairs. Some brought their children taking one child As allowed into the Booth with them to Sec How its done a there Joey pull this lever the gyms heat was overpowering. We smelled like wet raincoats soggy socks Damp children. We steamed collectively. But nobody left. The person in front of me had never voted before. It was his age. This was the first time head been eligible. The person behind me had never voted before either. She was 55. There was something else in that room. Two spirits were Loose among us. Anger and Hope were their names and they were everywhere. You could feel them hear them. You could All but Sec them. Later that night after the votes were counted after Perot and Bush had so gracefully conceded after Clinton and Gore had spoken to the nation in Victory after Fleetwood Mac had Sung to us one last time done to Stop thinking about tomorrow after the pundits had pundit cd i turned off the television and Lay in my bed thinking about anger and Hope. They say George Bush lost because of our deep genuine anger about a sour Economy. We knew no matter what he said that most of us were worse off now than we were four years ago and no matter what he said things were not getting better. They say Bush a failure to recognize that anger Early enough to respond to it Cost him the election. They say we elected Clinton because we believe he can fix the Economy bring Back Prosperity. And they May be right. But i done to thing that a entirely Why we did it. It May not even be the biggest reason. Bill Clinton talked about the Economy sure but Clinton also spoke to Hope. He said we were All different. He said we should glorify that diversity. He said we could get along together. He said the Young deserved education the old deserved attention and everybody deserved to be taken care of when they Are sick. He spoke of the rights of people and the responsibilities of citizens. He said we were All Welcome in the reunited states of America. He called it the new patriotism. It was a message we were ready to hear. And it touched us. We saw that he was a new generation of american. It was time to change course. It was an exciting time. We had begun again to think of. Possibilities. It had been a Long time. King features Syndicate november 15, 1992 sunday Page 21
