European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 20, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse A Christmas jingling with this horror scope Bonnie Bartel-lat1n0 dear child run i must warn you that i am scribbling these apocryphal prognostications As i doctor my Holiday fruit cakes with assorted spirits. Any irrationality May be thus attributed. Do you think the people in my Hubby a office will enjoy ouzo Flavoured Lebkuchen Sagittarius nov. 22-dec, 20 Quot Christmas is coming the geese Are getting fat and Honey Chile the geese May not be the Only ones instead of committing emotional violence on your person Over this weighty problem Roll on Over to Funky aerobics class at the base fitness Center asap raise conscious awareness by Reading nothing but far Side cartoons the rest of the month. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 us of Mercury is rising in your Chart and you know what that Means beware of lecherous bachelors with Mistletoe in every pocket or you will find yourself in a regrettable situation a especially if you frequent the club bar on Friday nights. Love thy neighbor a use discretion please aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 of Dearie me. Your astrological Chart reveals a most unique situation. In a not quite sure How to Tell you this but there seems to be a Pear tree in your Partridge Luvi if you Are not very careful in your next life instead of being an esteemed military member spouse both you May find yourself As a Honky Tonk woman count your blessings. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 Mars opposes uranus As the cow jumps Over the Moon causing explosive anger last year you became a blonde and now you resent All the dumb blonde jokes. Darli done to you know the reason they Are All one liners is so the men who Tell them can understand them Aries March 21-april 19 Quot Don we now our Gay apparel Quot. For you will be invited to a fabulous frolic on the 31 St however Jupiter backpedal ing in your Aura causes a hairy problem. Beware the beautician who tells you her creation makes you look like a swedish a pair when sugar baby you know you look just like Don King. Taurus april 20-May 20 Tricky lunar aspects mean that on the first Day of Christmas your True love gives to you two rings. One is around his Collar and the other is around the master Bathtub the second Day brings a Toolbox the third a set of Golf clubs Etc., Etc. I appreciate that you would rather he gave you a bucket of Bucko. This is what happens when there is lots of Bull in your astrological profile sweets. Gemini May 21-june 20 done to just stand there feeling like a White shoe after labor Day get on Over to the club and lift a Glass of cheer on dec. 23. Vacuum Pine Needles from carpet on dec 28. No Darli you Don t have to floss All your Teeth a Only the ones you plan to keep. Cancer june 21-july 22 Girlfriend you Are in a fiscal Funk and it is no wonder planning ahead is one thing but Over drawing your checking account by $675 for pre Christmas shopping at the Bazaar last september is quite another. Tut Tut perhaps you can take in ironing or become a Pootz Frau to help out. Leo july 23-aug. 22 your Astral composite shows that your expectations Are entirely too High what makes you think you have the right to use your own Telephone Don t you know that teen agers have a god Given privilege to totally monopolize Bell s nifty creation what s the matter with you mom Call at amp to on the 22nd to apply for military Saver plus. Bless the beasts and the children. Not necessarily in that order. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 if Libras grow up to be librarians what do virgos become travel Wilt come about easily but will Lack significance. I predict you will make 12 last minute trips to the commissary for Holiday baking needs. Get All trains and bikes out of layaway by today to Check for missing screws and bolts. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 you receive news concerning travel. No it is not a permanent change of station to Minot . You can thank the lord the military personnel Center and Magnolia Mouth me for that Ducky More Likely it is yet another Early morning mad dash to Kathe Wohlfahrt. Watch out for other women on similar missions for they have taken Over the roads. Scorpio oct. 23-nov, 21 Dah link people Are gossiping about you and a dare i say it a another Man if you Are not extremely careful i predict you will become involved with a Jovial fat bearded Man in a red suit on the 24th. He will want to do Freaky things like slide Down the Chimney while you watch what Wilt the neighbors think a la la la la la la la la May Gypsy latino predict Foryt All visions of sugar plums in every head brass in every pocket the sound of onion dome Church Bells in All ears Lebkuchen und Dampf noodles in All turns and love in All hearts and on All lips. Can you say Quot fro Hes Wei Rachten und Alles gute Zum Neuer Jahr Yair of course you can Sweet pea the fact that absolutely no one understands you matters Little. Kiss kiss Quot the Bonnie Bartel latino lives in Sembach Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, opening laugh Mosca Zinc to Switzerland from the cover .4-5 a Long distance Santa sidelights 6-7, 9 still a wonderful movie a Rocky Road Between acting and directing. Andy Rooney after the storm. Odds amp ends. 10 Erma Bombeck cracks open postal smiles. In tune11 focusing on Africa. This weeks films.12-13 Chuck cinch on Quot the distinguished gentleman. Quot cafes circuit listings. Television listings 14-17 local Cable and satellite schedules. Home entertainment.18 who s on video Abbott and costello. Voices .21 Joe Bob Briggs Good list on bad Guys. Words amp wit.24 Tony Konheiser picks at thorny Crown. Books25 a satisfying read for women. On Parade .27 Brad fat to a lift. Last laugh .28 Dave Barry on his songs ballooning disaster. Touch Aton picture Warren Beatty Here in Dick Tracy is a rare actor who has come through As a director. Page 7. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor. Bucky Fox Art direction Wes Booher production Mon Trice Presley editorial assistance Louis Pierce Page 2 a sunday december 20, 1992
