European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 3, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The Mother of All soldiers would Linoa o Donnell one night i had a revelation. I dreamed i was talking to Dick Cheney. I said to him Quot Dick i have some valuable information pertaining to a certain group of women that i believe you and the Pentagon Are overlooking in your studies concerning the Issue of women in combat role Dick said Quot no Way Quot i said Way dude Check this  i told him the group of women they were overlooking was mothers. A a he said Quot mothers Quot i said Quot yes mothers. Let me explain Quot i told him what happened to me. A a a i spent five years in the army the majority in a transportation unit i always Felt j was a Good Soldier capable of handling anything. Then one Day i became a Mother. This profoundly changed me. It gave me skills and Powers i never imagined possible. Although i m no longer in the service 1 realize now that these skills and attributes would make me a valuable member in any combat role. 1. Pain. I thought i was Tough before. A after coming through hours of childbirth Labo without any drugs except for the last five minutes know i can withstand extreme pain and discomfort. 2. Lack of sleep. I can survive on Little or no sleep for Days at a time and still perform highly Complex and dangerous tasks like navigating the streets of Frankfurt Germany at Rush Houra 3. Acute hearing. I Doh t need bionics for this. My hearing is now so Well developed that i can actually hear the sound Crayon makes As it glides across the Wall in a room at the other end of the apartment. 4. Reaction time. My reaction time is much quicker i can catch cups glasses expensive vases and other flying objects in mid fall or flight As Well As speedily responding to the sound of crayons see above. 5. Sense of danger. I now have a sixth  gives me warning without seeing hearing or smelling that something dangerous is about to happen e.g., i m in the other room when i. Suddenly sense my daughters attempting to scale the bookshelf 6. Coolness in emergencies. In the Ace of _ emergencies i now have the ability to remain Cool and in control. How about this scene i am in the Kitchen and Alt at once my daughter starts to choke the pan starts boiling Over and the phone begins ringing. I swiftly pick up my daughter follow the directions posted on the fridge and she spits up. Then i quickly turn off the stove Calm her Down and still answer the phone. 7. Stealth. The stealth bomber does t have anything on me. I can Glide silently in and out of rooms avoiding in the darkness the hidden Pitfalls of squeaky ducks and Jingang balls. It would take night vision goggles to detect me. After i finished explaining All of this to Cheney i said Quot so you can see Dick what potential that mothers have for combat roles and just think. I m Only a beginner just imagine the skills abilities and years of experience in our Veteran mothers Quot f i could see a gleam in Cheney s eyes when poof he was gone and i was awake. I thought Quot my cod this is amazing i la have to Call Secretary Cheney first thing tomorrow and let him novy the combat potential of  so i wrote Down  left myself a reminder to Call him then went Back to sleep. I started dreaming again. This time i heard rep. Pat Schroeder discussing her new Bill she was trying to get passed. The Bill required All male service members to undergo sex change surgery and become mothers. I woke with a Jolt cold sweat on my forehead looked Over at my husband who was snoring peacefully. Then i reached Over and ripped up my notes and reminder. I guess Cheney will have to find out from some other Mother. Undo Donn a Worth in Frankfurt Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 1437, d-6100 Darmstadt 11,  laugh Borer Basel Switzerland a ooh my god. Our daughters a Loper contents Danny Devito goes behind and in front of the camera for the new biographical movie  the cover 4-6 swinging through movies of 1992.in tune. 7 Danny Devito wont Stop Short of  week s films. 8-9 Chuck Vinch 4 Szarc for a few Good  a a fes circuit listings. Television listings. 10-13 local Cable and satellite schedules. Books. 17 Kirk Douglas Muscles onto pages. Voices .18 Joe Bob Briggs axes Hatchet tactics. On Parade. 19 Clinton could collide Witolf Congress. _ last laugh. 20 Dave Barry flips through a promotion. 14home entertainment Eddie Murphy Falls Flat in a Boomerang a a Odds amp ends. 15 Emia Bombe amp a finds the Way. A sidelights. U Clarence Page sides with homosexuals Battle. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction we Booher 4 production Lisa Williams Denise Adams editorial assistance Louis d. Pierce Page 2 a sunday january 3, 1993